Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: robbie62 on December 01, 2009, 08:36:03 PM
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the lone ranger and tonto are riding the range when all of a sudden tonto jumps off his horse and puts his ear to the ground .
after a few seconds he looks up at the lone ranger and says "buffalo come"
"how can you tell " asks the lone ranger
"face all sticky" says tonto ;)
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the lone ranger and tonto are riding the range when all of a sudden tonto jumps off his horse and puts his ear to the ground .
after a few seconds he looks up at the lone ranger and says "buffalo come"
"how can you tell " asks the lone ranger
"face all sticky" says tonto ;)
OK. Go to the back of the class! :o
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Now.
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Oh dear.
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ok how about this one ..lone ranger and tonto ride into a western town in the middle of december and its freezing
"c'mon tonto"says lone "i'll buy you a drink"
they walk into the saloon and lone says to the bartender "whisky and 2 glasses barkeep "
bartender says"i'll serve you but i aint givin no injin a drink, he'll have to leave"
"you don't understand " says lone "this is tonto , my blood brother ,he has saved my life countless times, and he helps me save the white man"
"i don't care if he is chief sitting bull himself i aint serving no injin" says bartender
lone turns to tonto"tonto old friend,you go outside and run around the block to keep warm and i'll just have one drink and then i'll be out"
"ok kemo sabe" says tonto and off he jogs
1 hour later the sheriff walks into the bar and shouts" anyone in here called the lone ranger"
"i am "says lone "whats the problem sheriff"
sheriff says "you left your injin running" !!!!
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Turn back round and face the wall again.
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Did you hear about the cowboy who wore paper chaps, paper pants, paper vest and paper stetson?
They hung him for rustling. :D
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Did you hear about the cowboy who wore paper chaps, paper pants, paper vest and paper stetson?
They hung him for rustling. :D
If you steal cattle while wearing clothes made out of paper, you're obviously going to be heard and easily caught. He deserves to be hanged for not buying stealth clothing.
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Mince missed the fact that Malc mistakenly used the word "hung" instead of "hanged". ..0
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No, I saw it, but unlike some undereducated people, I know that the usage is and has been widespread and only pedants and twats insist on a distinction.
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No, I saw it, but unlike some undereducated people, I know that the usage is and has been widespread and only pedants and twats insist on a distinction.
Yes, I insist you're awarded a Distinction. (A Distinction in being a Twat.)
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the lone ranger meets the cisco kid one day while out riding
"hello lone " says cisco "where's tonto"?
"tonto my very best friend" says lone
"yes" says cisco
"my blood brother whom i would my life" says lone
"yes " says cisco "thats the one"
"i shot him" says lone
"SHOT HIM" exclaims cisco" why did you shoot him"?
"i found out "kemo sabe" mean't big pooftah"
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You're not homophobic or racist by any chance, are you Robbie?
It's just that this one, after the George Michael comment, could be misconstrued.
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I agree with The Peepmaster, Robbie. A couple of your recent posts have been on the wrong side of the boundary. Please bear in mind that this forum is open to all.
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I Thought I Was A Cowboy...
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, baling hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs. So I guess I am a cowboy.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”
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Thanks, Bilthehut. It made my day! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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You're welcome, Vulture. Just trying to join in and spread a little happiness around. It certainly improves my day.
I'm desperately trying to find the one about the Lone Ranger and Tonto in my archive.
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Is this suitable? :-\
The widow and the cowhand
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him..
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told. "And now take off my thong..... and he dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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Well, I think it's suitable [but don't go by me; I come from Liverpool!], but you'll have to wait to see if there are howls of protest from the older inmates of this forum....! I just didn't find it as funny as the first one!
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No howls of protest---I've simply heard both jokes before. Sadly, as I get older, I discover that there are very few jokes around that I HAVEN'T heard before.
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Never mind, Roger - you'll always have Tannadice. :P
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Ouch :D