Author Topic: Get well soon, Fyodor.  (Read 13203 times)

Offline Bilthehut

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2010, 12:58:21 PM »
Something that might keep Fyodor smiling.

These are actual sentences typed by Medical Secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow:
1.   The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2.   Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3.   Patient”s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4.   She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5.   Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6.   On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7.   The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8.   The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9.   Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10.   Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11.   Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12.   She is numb from her toes down.
13.   While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14.   The skin was moist and dry.
15.   Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16.   Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17.   Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18.   She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19.   I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20.   Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21.   Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22.   The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23.   Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24.   The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25.   Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26.   Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27.   When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28.   The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29.   Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30.   She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31.   Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32.   The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33.   By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Tom

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2010, 07:30:45 PM »
 ;D

Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2010, 08:04:27 PM »
I went up to see Fyodor today in Dundee's Ninewells hospital and he remains in idiotic form. He will be transferred tomorrow to Aberdeen where the operation will take place on Thursday. I fully expect him to come to during the operation and tell the surgeon how to do it.

Elizabeth

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2010, 09:18:29 AM »
I told Fyodor he had no business having a heart attack - doesn't smoke, hardly drinks, isn't overweight, keeps fit (well, Roger can say how fit he appears on the golf course...).
Very best wishes for a speedy recovery - take care, and maybe some red wine  ;)

Offline Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2010, 09:55:54 AM »
...and maybe some red wine  ;)

Yes, good call, Elizabeth! I was actually told off by the consultant for not drinking enough. It's not all bad news.
I apologise, in advance.

Offline The Peepmaster

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2010, 01:47:05 PM »
A hospital patient called Fydo
(Whilst casually listening to Dido),
Once asked of a nurse,
"Do you think it's a curse
That's made me this ill, love, cos I do?"
Nostalgia is not what it used to be. 😟

Offline Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2010, 01:50:21 PM »
Bravo! Last line was a test of perseverance, but well done indeed, Peeps.
I apologise, in advance.

Offline The Peepmaster

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2010, 03:18:50 PM »
I like to think I have a poem for every occasion.
Nostalgia is not what it used to be. 😟

Offline Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2010, 03:33:11 PM »
I'm sure you do...like to think so.
I apologise, in advance.

Calvin

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2010, 04:47:51 PM »
Maybe so, but are any of them good ones?

Offline Diane CBPFC

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #25 on: February 05, 2010, 09:12:03 PM »
So, how did the op go?
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad

Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #26 on: February 05, 2010, 09:56:32 PM »
Latest news is that it went well. Fyodor has been moved from the intensive care unit to the high dependancy ward---I'm assured that's a step in the right direction. I'll add updates when I get them.

Offline Diane CBPFC

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #27 on: February 05, 2010, 10:50:43 PM »
THat's good.
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad

Joan

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2010, 01:50:01 AM »
Get well soon, Fyodor!  :-*

Very glad to hear it's going well so far.

Malc

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Re: Get well soon, Fyodor.
« Reply #29 on: February 07, 2010, 05:02:13 PM »
Yes, please pass on my good wishes for a speedy recovery too.