Looking for a good joke

[Diane CBPFC]

I am the "Jokemaster" at Toastmasters this week - theme of the evening is US Electoral Campaigns. Anyone got a good joke 1-2 minutes long? It would be nice to go with the theme of the evening but any good joke will do.

[Vulture]

I don't know if this classes as a 'joke'....

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60

            Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
            With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
            Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
            Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
            After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

[The Peepmaster]

How about, "US Electoral Campaigns are a real joke, aren't they, everybody?".

Then whistle Stars and Stripes for the remainder of the 2 minutes, standing on one leg.

[Malc]

Nothing better than an adapted joke, especially one that's adapted to poke fun at Dubyuh.

This started out as a rude gag, but works ok in this fashion too:

George Dubyuh was definitely the dummy of the Bush family. His dad, President George Herbert Walker Bush, was at one time the head of the CIA - a mean, mean man. He used to train his guard dogs intensely. They wouldn't move a muscle until he said the command word, "Liberty".  He placed delicious raw liver in bowls and said to the dogs "eat!!" They remained still, even though they twitched, slavered and drooled.
 He said "Eat liberty!" and the dogs lunged and wolfed down the meat.
"Gee, that's impressive" said Dubyuh.
Bush Snr says "Do you want to have a go?"
Dubyuh says "ok, but can I just have cornflakes?"

[Roger Kettle]

 

[Diane CBPFC]

Thanks! 

I think I will start off with Nige's quip followed by Vulch's potato sack joke because I can do the arm movements to that one. I will save the cornflake joke for another time.

 

[Vulture]

potato sack joke because I can do the arm movements to that one.

Have you got time to get into shape?

[Diane CBPFC]

potato sack joke because I can do the arm movements to that one.

Have you got time to get into shape?

I've got a good four hours - plenty of time!

[Diane CBPFC]

Joke went over well - got a good laugh. I regionalized it as coming from Prince Edward Island health care (where Canada grows it spuds).