Beau Peep Notice Board

Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 12:28:06 PM

Title: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 12:28:06 PM
First off, I would not been seen dead playing a moronic game like golf, but I was wondering whether those who do play it while dead could explain how the term "handicap" is used in the game.

If someone has a handicap, does that mean he is given a bonus or penalty?

I tried to read the Wiki page but lost the will to live.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 12:44:02 PM
Over to Roger.

I could explain, but since this subject requires neither batteries nor a plug, it's only right that Roger gets first chance (no remarks about him having to constantly having to explain his Andy Capp).
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 01:18:55 PM
I could explain, but since this subject requires neither batteries nor a plug, it's only right that Roger gets first chance (no remarks about him having to constantly having to explain his Andy Capp).

It seems you have similar problems with verbs.

And the "him" should be "his".
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 01:41:44 PM
I could give you a really long-winded explanation as to why you're wrong and I'm right, but I concede that I'm not as good at bullsh*t as you are.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 05, 2009, 01:52:46 PM
Over to Roger.

(no remarks about him having to constantly having to explain his Andy Capp).


Even with the word "his" substituted, it still doesn't make complete sense, so Mince has it wrong, again.  ..0

Mince - the bloke who couldn't be bothered dressing-up for a fancy dress party, yet still managed to win first prize as a cow-pat.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 01:59:55 PM
Good to have you back, Peepsie!
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 05, 2009, 02:05:49 PM
Thanks, Tarquin.

I quite fancy writing Mince's life-story - it'd be like a twatography.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 02:14:26 PM
Now that's just not very nice.

We expect better of you than 'not very'. You're not quite fully fit yet, I suspect.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Roger Kettle on March 05, 2009, 02:16:57 PM
If you mis-hit a golf shot, you are allowed to swear once without penalty. The whole system stems from the Dutch word "handerkaap"---meaning "to strike on the head". In the world of golf, it came to mean a licence to swear without being hit on the head by an opponent and "handerkaap" was anglicised to "handicap". Someone with an "16 handicap" is, therefore,  permitted to swear 16 times before being penalised.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 02:33:31 PM
There you go, Mince - you've just lost your bullsh*t crown.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 02:38:49 PM
For Heaven's sake, you tosspots, is a golf handicap of say 16 a penalty or a bonus?
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 02:41:46 PM
Well, I wouldn't be seen dead with one personally, but it's all a matter of taste.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 02:46:29 PM
Definition: "Handicap" refers to a numerical representation of a golfer's playing ability. The lower a golfer's handicap, the better the golfer is. A 2 handicapper is better than a 10 handicapper who is better than a 20 handicapper.

So if you give someone a handicap of 5, you are giving them a bonus, making it easier for them to win.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 02:56:05 PM
What you're doing, in theory at least, is levelling the playing field based on ability, yes. You may think it is to the golfer's advantage to have a higher handicap therefore, but you would be mistaken. The lower one's handicap the more entitled one is to put one's thumb to one's nose and wiggle one's fingers at one's opponent, singing "Na na nanna na."
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 03:01:45 PM
So "giving someone a handicap" means "giving them a bonus" or "making it easier for them to win"?
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 03:44:22 PM
No - it means telling them they're not anywhere as as good as the really good golfers, but also patronising them with the chance to compete without making complete divots of themselves.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 05, 2009, 04:15:27 PM
Oh, I see.

Peepmaster, with our insults back and forth on the board, do you want a handicap?
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 05, 2009, 04:22:44 PM
Is that what all this was leading to? Sheesh! I really don't think he's the one who needs it.  ..0
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Fyodor on March 06, 2009, 10:29:24 AM
There's no great mystery about the handicap system.
Put simply, it's a fix to ensure that *@$$!! the cartoonist always wins.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Mince on March 06, 2009, 10:55:29 AM
Just let it all out, mate.
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 06, 2009, 11:13:40 AM
Was anyone else surprised to read that Cowdenbeath striker Paul McQuade has been given permission to undergo a trial with Dundee United?

Interesting stuff...
Title: Re: Golf Handicap
Post by: Malc on March 06, 2009, 10:13:28 PM
Surprised? I covered myself in jam and threw myself out of the window.