Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Roger Kettle on December 28, 2009, 09:51:03 PM
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JANUARY: A quiet month. The python I got for Christmas escaped briefly and attempted to squeeze my next door neighbour's parrot to death. Only its cries of "Polly wants oxygen" thwarted an unfortunate incident.
FEBRUARY: I received 784 valentine cards. I blame the recession for the 50% drop.
MARCH: Went skiing in St. Moritz with a well-known actress whose name I won't divulge. Let's just say she's more than a "friend" to me and is completely over Brad Pitt.
APRIL: I refused a Knighthood because I'm not into this elitist crap. My butler agrees.
MAY: I almost sweep the boards at the "Cartoonist of the Year" awards. Inexplicably, Malcolm McGookin pips me for the "Sexiest Scribbler" award. It's laughable.
JUNE: My 34th birthday.
JULY: I received a phone call from the actress I holidayed with in March. The signal is coming from the Hollywood hills and I can't make out what she's saying. Something about being late and what am I going to do about it. I hang up. How can it be my fault that she's late for some appointment?
AUGUST: Another distorted phonecall from the actress informs me that "All is well ". I'm sure I misheard her but she said something about peeing on a stick. I have no idea what all this is about but I can only assume it's some kind of "Hollywood" thing. I've dumped her.
SEPTEMBER: My autobiography is taking longer than I thought. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever finish "Love God".
OCTOBER: A parcel has arrived from Australia. It contains the "Sexiest Scribbler" award from McGookin and a note saying that he can't sleep at night and that it's rightfully mine. Actually, it's pretty pathetic that it's taken him five months to realise this.
NOVEMBER: Sadly, I have had to enforce a restraining order on that "friend" of mine. Get over it, Jen.
DECEMBER: It's difficult for my family and friends to get a Christmas present for the man who has everything. Apparently it's socks.
Happy 2010.
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Drambuie going down a treat tonight, bro?...not a good idea when combined with all your medication
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good one, Roger. I've heard better fantasy stories, but that was up there.
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Drambuie going down a treat tonight, bro?...not a good idea when combined with all your medication
HEY! You may have noticed that my intake of alcohol on Christmas Day consisted of one gin and tonic, one glass of wine and two Drambuies. All this over five hours! Today, I've thrown down two diet cokes and an orange squash and lemonade.
Believe me, I'm as upset with myself as you are!
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good one, Roger. I've heard better fantasy stories, but that was up there.
You got me, Joan. It wasn't really my 34th birthday.
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JANUARY: A quiet month. The python I got for Christmas escaped briefly and attempted to squeeze my next door neighbour's parrot to death. Only its cries of "Polly wants oxygen" thwarted an unfortunate incident.
FEBRUARY: I received 784 valentine cards. I blame the recession for the 50% drop.
MARCH: Went skiing in St. Moritz with a well-known actress whose name I won't divulge. Let's just say she's more than a "friend" to me and is completely over Brad Pitt.
APRIL: I refused a Knighthood because I'm not into this elitist crap. My butler agrees.
MAY: I almost sweep the boards at the "Cartoonist of the Year" awards. Inexplicably, Malcolm McGookin pips me for the "Sexiest Scribbler" award. It's laughable.
JUNE: My 34th birthday.
JULY: I received a phone call from the actress I holidayed with in March. The signal is coming from the Hollywood hills and I can't make out what she's saying. Something about being late and what am I going to do about it. I hang up. How can it be my fault that she's late for some appointment?
AUGUST: Another distorted phonecall from the actress informs me that "All is well ". I'm sure I misheard her but she said something about peeing on a stick. I have no idea what all this is about but I can only assume it's some kind of "Hollywood" thing. I've dumped her.
SEPTEMBER: My autobiography is taking longer than I thought. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever finish "Love God".
OCTOBER: A parcel has arrived from Australia. It contains the "Sexiest Scribbler" award from McGookin and a note saying that he can't sleep at night and that it's rightfully mine. Actually, it's pretty pathetic that it's taken him five months to realise this.
NOVEMBER: Sadly, I have had to enforce a restraining order on that "friend" of mine. Get over it, Jen.
DECEMBER: It's difficult for my family and friends to get a Christmas present for the man who has everything. Apparently it's socks.
Happy 2010.
Thanks for that, Roger. I love modern day fairy stories! :D :D :D :D :D
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Some of it was true. ..0
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I had some pretty bizarre dreams last night too. I blame the cheese.
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Some of it was true. ..0
Yes, the months are in fact in the order given.