Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Diane CBPFC on April 27, 2010, 06:47:07 PM
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Yes it's me.
They had nobody willing to coach the teens - who are generally a motley group of couch-potato smart arses up to age 18 years old.
I am a fat, cranky oldish lady with a bone spur and little interest in outdoor activies but I'm the best hope they have.
But at least I have people skills and can make a natty team banner.
Maybe Malc could throw a few phrases my way that would impress the kids and lead them to think that I know what I'm doing?
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Here's a starter for you, Diane:
"If you win, you'd be really good!"
There's motivation! And it touches the ego.
Don't ask me about football though.
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I like that Tom! As they probably will not win, it can still be used at the start of a game.
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Diane, you have to chew a lot of gum and shout things like "MAN ON!"
Although, not if you're playing against gay vampires.
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Diane, I'm now a director of coaching (yes, any chance to big note myself) and I often only have thirty seconds or so to squeeze in some advice to a team I don't know.
Here are some basic question-answer bullet points designed for junior teams mostly consisting of too-cool-for-school idiots. You basically put the question and let them answer it (usually they're wrong) then you supply them with the answer, allowing you to look all Obi Wan Kenobi and stuff.
1) What do we do when they've got the ball?
Mark players. Closest to the ball quickly closes down the opponent. Everyone else marks.
2) What do we do when WE'VE got the ball?
Find space. Lose your marker, make yourself available.
3) If you're the first tackler, is it your job to win the ball?
No. It's your job to close the player and stop their forward movement. Jockey them, attempt to win if possible, but force them into a bad pass so a #2 tackler can intercept.
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If you had no time to give any other advice, those are the Big Three. Everything else is stuff for the training ground, and you would be amazed at how many teams playing at the highest level don't follow those three rules. I've even watched Premier League teams who can't seem to manage it. They're usually not Premier League for long, mind.
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Thanks Malc - that sounds good. This is a fun league that only plays once a week for 8 weeks each year - I think the best they can learn to do is spread out and pass well.
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Good luck, Diane! Rather you than me. Are they male or female ... or a mixture? Good grief!
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It's really hard to tell Joan.
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"If in doubt, kick it out!"
That's the only defensive tip I remember.
Besides, it rhymes, so it has to be true.
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Diane, will you be knitting their strips?
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It's always good to see someone imparting wisdom, and another benefitting from that advice, so I'm sure Diane will help Malcolm hugely.
Diane - be sure to get to know at least the basics of the game. (It can be very embarrassing if you continually shout "handball" when the goalie picks it up, for example.)
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....and remember you can't be offside from a throw-in.
Here in Oz, where so many parents are from non-soccer backgrounds, you get a bit fed up of hearing refs being called 'umpires' and linesmen called 'touch judges'. Headers are referred to as 'head butts' and free kicks are described as 'penalties'.
'Kicking the ball long' is a virtue here as well as putting in a 'big hit' on an opponent.
Attending an 'A' League game (our equivalent of the EPL) is incredibly frustrating. The spectators are more than 50% curious onlookers who spend the whole ninety minutes getting up for beer and fries. You spend the whole game getting up and sitting down for yet another idiot who wants to squeeze by on their way to the bar, and the ignorant comments from people behind you ('kick it to the goal, kick it to the GOAL!!!') have to be heard to be believed.
One of the reasons I love coming back to the UK is simply the shared understanding of football.
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Bleeding amateurs eh Malc. “It should be Kick it into the goal” shouldn’t it.
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;D
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Oh, I so wish you'd been my 'soccer coach' (we used to call them 'managers') when I was a kid, Diane! ;D
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Precisely, Diane... ???
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Rent a DVD of "The Blind Side"....and I know it's American football and not soccer before any of the picky ones here point it out but it's still smart arses chasing a ball (except one big lad but that's the whole point of the story and you can perhaps follow Sandra Bullock's technique and win an Oscar as well).
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And you can kick the ball with any part of your body, except your hands. Unless you're the goalie, of course.
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And you can kick the ball with any part of your body, except your hands. Unless you're the goalie, of course.
Are you sure? Don't you 'head' the ball? And, at what point on the arm can the ball be hit before it becomes a 'handball'?
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And, at what point on the arm can the ball be hit before it becomes a 'handball'?
It depends on who you play for, and how "big" your club is compared to the opposition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs8WWBXGiXg
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And, at what point on the arm can the ball be hit before it becomes a 'handball'?
It depends on who you play for, and how "big" your club is compared to the opposition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs8WWBXGiXg
My "club" is pretty big, but it's usually quite painful if I kick it with that.
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Tonight is the big night - first game! The shirts are in - our team has banana yellow. The logo on the shirt is still the same one I designed about 10 years ago.
I've read up on the rules but don't think we will bother much with them.
I wonder if I should take my umbrella?
Maybe some cheese sandwiches.
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Good luck, Diane! A full match report later, please.
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Yes, good luck Diane. Is your umbrella banana yellow?
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think i will wait till we get the in depth aid from mince he should be able to help diane
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Hi, Peter. How are you?
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Good luck Diane, show them how it's done!
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It was chilly out there, it was plus 5C, one poor kid on my team had a nosebleed right when we were about to start playing the other team. He used up all my tissues and then emptied out the gause in the medical kit. One kid popped his knee out. Three of our balls were flat and I wasn't one of the lucky coaches that got a pump. After standing for 2 and a half hours I couldn't walk up the path with my heel bone spur. My son said I was acting like a spectator rather than a coach and should learn the rules. Bloody silly game.
Maybe next week will be better - we did win at least 5-3
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Well done to you and the team!
ps Demand your own pump before the next game - that seems a very unfair challenge to overcome, making your win even more triumphant.
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You don't have to be demonstrative to be a good coach, Diane. Sometimes, a silent stare can be quite intimidating and it gives the impression that you know exactly what you're doing. While you do this, you can think about shopping. That's what I do when I watch football.
Great result!
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You don't have to be demonstrative to be a good coach, Diane. Sometimes, a silent stare can be quite intimidating and it gives the impression that you know exactly what you're doing. While you do this, you can think about shopping. That's what I do when I watch football.
Great result!
Really?!
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No. I was trying to get in touch with my feminine side in a show of solidarity with Diane.
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No. I was trying to get in touch with my feminine side in a show of solidarity with Diane.
Damn! I had fun there, for a while, imagining the handbags you would have bought! :D
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You don't have to be demonstrative to be a good coach, Diane. Sometimes, a silent stare can be quite intimidating and it gives the impression that you know exactly what you're doing. While you do this, you can think about shopping. That's what I do when I watch football.
Great result!
I was thinking about shopping - you must be a mind reader!
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I knew you were going to say that.