Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Roger Kettle on August 11, 2010, 09:33:57 PM
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I have never understood the expression "like a house on fire".
"How do you get on with your wife?" "Like a house on fire." This is meant as extremely positive. Why? My relationship with my wife is exactly like a burning building where there may be people trapped inside. It's like destroyed property. Name me one positive aspect of a burning house. Okay, I assume they mean that it's something that burns brightly but why pick on a house? Why not say "we get on like a bunch of roses on fire"? Actually, that doesn't work either. NOTHING on fire is good. It's a stupid expression.
Then we have "I'm afraid not." This is simply gibberish.
"Are you going to the wedding?" "I'm afraid not." What are you afraid of? Literally, this means "I fear nothing." Why would you say this?
The English language is strange.
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Now you have opened up a whole kettle of worms.
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Why We Love Children (but not on toast)
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later..."Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy"
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, “but what's growing in your butt?"
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1 The bandage was wound around the wound.
2 The farm was used to produce produce.
3 The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4 We must polish the Polish furniture.
5 He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6 The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7 Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8 At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9 When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10 I did not object to the object.
11 The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12 There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13 They were too close to the door to close it.
14 The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15 A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16 To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17 The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18 After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20 I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21 How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22 I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
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Lemme guess - you learned how to cut and paste today, Bill?
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Nope! but if you don't like them, just delete them. And, I've had these nuggets in my library of trivia and humour for some time. Just waiting for the right opportunity to present them. If you've heard them before, I apologise. If not, enjoy.
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"I'm afraid not" is clearly a shortened form of "I'm afraid that I am not... (going to the wedding)".
This doesn't help it to make sense though. What is so terrifying about not going to a wedding?
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Are you the Bride's father, and realising how much this is going to cost?
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Billy The Hut! You are not going to pretend that you didn't "cut and paste" those tracts of text. If you didn't, and re-typed them, them you're a twit. I think that might be what Tranquil was alluding to.
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Billy The Hut! You are not going to pretend that you didn't "cut and paste" those tracts of text. If you didn't, and re-typed them, them you're a twit. I think that might be what Tranquil was alluding to.
Au contrail, moon amelie,
The question was - Lemme guess - you learned how to cut and paste today, Bill?
I learned how to cut and paste over a week ago, so correctly answered the question with "Nope". I assumed the reference to 'today' was an insult and treated it with the deference it deserved.
Only a twit would assume that I was able to type and paste that body of text in such a short time. Is there now a ruling that one cannot cut and paste - would that also apply to copying video streams, or must one film it oneself?
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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
This one made me laugh ;D
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I assumed the reference to 'today' was an insult and treated it with the deference it deserved.
Not intended as an insult, Bill, merely a little gentle sarcasm, brought on by an interesting start to a potentially thought-provoking and amusing thread, immediately hijacked by voluminous screeds of cut and pasted Internet pap. Nothing against carefully selected nuggets that add to proceedings - just thought that lot was a bit OTT.
But then Diane found one that amused her, so it wasn't all in vain, and I apologise for my grumpiness. I had a bad day yesterday, and should have kept shtum.
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On reflection, I should have restricted myself to one or two elements. The excitement of actually having a reason to post here was just toooo much - so I blurted it all out.
Roger's thought was right though - and there are some interesting observations on our native tongue out there.
I will try to curb my enthusiasm and keep taking the tablets in future.
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I particularly liked this one:
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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The "I'm afraid" is obvious. It is short for "I am afraid you will be annoyed/disappointed/angry that I have to say no."
The house on fire one is similar to "I'm on fire!".
I think Roger is just making moutains out of teacups.
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When people start sentences with "can I be honest with you?" or "can I ask you a question?" it usually means they have something insulting to say.
I always answer "no", and if they laugh and say "look, I'm going to ask you anyway..." I say "I said no..."
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Love your post Bill.. but then again I'm not English ;D
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I don't know if I'm British anymore. I wrote to the embasy about 15 years ago but they never replied. I became a Canadian citizen after my first child was born but I did not renounce my British citizenship. I wonder...
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Thank you, Lucy. You're welcome.
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I don't know if I'm British anymore. I wrote to the embasy about 15 years ago but they never replied. I became a Canadian citizen after my first child was born but I did not renounce my British citizenship. I wonder...
I've been trying to renounce my British citizenship for many years, but they keep telling me I have leave the country first. >:(
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I don't know if I'm British anymore. I wrote to the embasy about 15 years ago but they never replied. I became a Canadian citizen after my first child was born but I did not renounce my British citizenship. I wonder...
I've been trying to renounce my British citizenship for many years, but they keep telling me I have leave the country first. >:(
That's soooo unfair!
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"NOTHING on fire is good. It's a stupid expression", says Roger.
Liar liar ....
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What about a warming log fire in the house during winter - given that you have a chimney and can burn logs?
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"NOTHING on fire is good. It's a stupid expression", says Roger.... and I bet he pinched that line from Joan of Arc <-
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The "I'm afraid" is obvious. It is short for "I am afraid you will be annoyed/disappointed/angry that I have to say no."
The house on fire one is similar to "I'm on fire!".
I think Roger is just making moutains out of teacups.
Mince, I realise what "I'm afraid" is short for. What I'm questioning is the USE of the word "afraid". To talk about "fear" when you're politely turning down an invitation strikes me as both odd and extreme---but it has become part of our language. When asked if you're going to the pub and you reply "I'm afraid not" is, on analysis, a strange response.
And, regardless of what you say, I can see nothing positive in equating "a house on fire" with a healthy relationship. I'm pretty sure that, if you had coined that expression today, it would be assumed that a previously stable relationship was about to crash to the ground.
So there.
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The "I'm afraid" is obvious. It is short for "I am afraid you will be annoyed/disappointed/angry that I have to say no."
The house on fire one is similar to "I'm on fire!".
I think Roger is just making moutains out of teacups.
Mince, I realise what "I'm afraid" is short for. What I'm questioning is the USE of the word "afraid". To talk about "fear" when you're politely turning down an invitation strikes me as both odd and extreme---but it has become part of our language. When asked if you're going to the pub and you reply "I'm afraid not" is, on analysis, a strange response.
And, regardless of what you say, I can see nothing positive in equating "a house on fire" with a healthy relationship. I'm pretty sure that, if you had coined that expression today, it would be assumed that a previously stable relationship was about to crash to the ground.
So there.
Well said, Roger!
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Thank you, Darling!
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You're clutching at straws, Roger.
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Take care Roger. I'm afraid you're in danger of turning into me and that way madness lies.
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I think one of the most stupid expressions is this - :o
Another one is this - :P
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I think the stupidest expression I've ever seen is a woman putting on mascara!
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I think the stupidest expression I've ever seen is a woman putting on mascara!
*checks on google*
(http://mabryonline.org/blogs/pe/IMG_2203.jpg)
Yep, that's pretty darn stupid.
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It's looks even more stupid when you are putting mascara on someone and that person still makes that expression. While putting mascara on some clients, I have had to gently raise their chins so that their mouths close.
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Thank goodness I don't use the stuff!
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It's looks even more stupid when you are putting mascara on someone and that person still makes that expression. While putting mascara on some clients, I have had to gently raise their chins so that their mouths close.
I hope that's part of your job, Feather. You don't actually work in a bank or something and randomly give customers a makeover?
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Feather refuses to deal with people who are badly made up.
This same reason prevents her from reading Beau Peep.
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Feather refuses to deal with people who are badly made up.
This same reason prevents her from reading Beau Peep.
I don't know how to respond to this. :-[
Mince, are you telling secrets again?
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It's a play on words - Beau Peep is a made up character.
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It's a play on words - Beau Peep is a made up character.
Really? I thought Beau Peep was a real person and this was based on his life.
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Mince. Are you going to own up to being Beau Peep?
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Really? I thought Beau Peep was a real person and this was based on his life.
Only a select few a privy to this information.
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Oooops!
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Come on, Feather. Give is the inside scoop on why Mince is a pilchard.
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Come on, Feather. Give is the inside scoop on why Mince is a pilchard.
So the reason Mince is a pilchard is his ability to give.
Peepmaster, do you have some sort of fish fetish?
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"Twelve plus one" uses the same letters that spell "eleven plus two".
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"Twelve plus one" uses the same letters that spell "eleven plus two".
Surely you can channel your time and energy more productively?
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I've been wondering what pressions were before they became expressions.
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I've been wondering what pressions were before they became expressions.
On the same lines, what's a 'gruntle'?
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How do you 'combobluate' something?
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On the same lines, what's a 'gruntle'?
gruntle
verb
cause to be more favorably inclined; gain the good will of; [syn: pacify]
disgruntle
verb
to put into a state of sulky dissatisfaction; make discontent.
Makes sense to me.
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On the same lines, what's a 'gruntle'?
gruntle
verb
cause to be more favorably inclined; gain the good will of; [syn: pacify]
disgruntle
verb
to put into a state of sulky dissatisfaction; make discontent.
Makes sense to me.
gruntled
happy or satisfied
Although he wasn't actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
I've never actually seen or read this word being used before, Jack.