Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Diane CBPFC on November 26, 2010, 09:52:01 PM
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Just saying.
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Are you decorating your avatar this year?
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Yes, but I'm not going to enjoy doing it or anything.
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What's the matter, Diane?
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I could handle Christmas if it came every four years like the Olympics.
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I'm with you, Diane. I hate Christmas even more in Australia where it doesn't even look or feel like Christmas should.
Sorry to be a curmudgeon, and I sympathise with all of you who actually are suffering with the cold weather, not enjoying it, but I did enjoy it when I was there.
A dear friend of mine has recently returned from a brief break in Egypt. Cruising up and down the Nile was cool, but the dramas she had travelling to and from Egypt, with delayed flights, queues and traffic jams travelling to and from airports actually (in her words) detracted totally from the experience.
Then when she got back to Sunderland, she encountered SNOWdrifts in her own estate (the main roads were gritted) and slid into her driveway sideways.
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I got a Christmas card today....it's still only November, people. <-
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I too got an early card. I looked into buying cards from War Child Canada - they are cards with paintings by famous Canadian singers and celebrities. Unfortunately they were all crap.
I am reading "scroogenomics" by Joel Waldfogel - just saying "Waldfogel" out loud and naming the insanity has made me feel much more christmassy. ;D
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CHRISTMAS HANDICAP
Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence. With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.
Groan away
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Hey, thanks for trying Bill. :)
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Spent my day X'mas shopping, got aching feet and legs now, at least that's all pressie sorted now :)
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I made an attempt at shopping today. Stood in the snow for twenty minutes, waiting for a bus that didn't turn up, before getting a lift to Dundee by a mate who'd spotted me shivering and swearing. There was a power cut in Debenham's which meant the tills weren't working. After fifteen minutes with nothing happening, I returned my wife's present to the shelves and walked out. I'll just have to get her ironing board cover at a later date. Decided to have a coffee, which you would think is a quite straightforward transaction. Well, it's not. The spotty youth behind the counter offered me all sorts of caffeine concoctions and insisted on listing every type of muffin known to man before I quietly intervened. "I JUST WANT A *&*&!&*&*!!!! COFFEE!!!" This was followed by an altercation with the store Santa Claus who was standing behind me in the queue. I pointed out that all I wanted was a REAL coffee, not that he'd understand, given that he was a fake Santa. I hadn't noticed the six year-old girl behind HIM in the queue, who promptly burst into tears. It's debatable who threw the first punch----me, Santa, the girl's mother or the spotty youth. Anyway, it all kicked off.
To cut a long story short, I still have all my Christmas shopping to do and I'm banned from Debenham's.
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Just the one Debenham's or the whole chain?
(I must watch O Brother again soon)
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I made an attempt at shopping today. Stood in the snow for twenty minutes, waiting for a bus that didn't turn up, before getting a lift to Dundee by a mate who'd spotted me shivering and swearing. There was a power cut in Debenham's which meant the tills weren't working. After fifteen minutes with nothing happening, I returned my wife's present to the shelves and walked out. I'll just have to get her ironing board cover at a later date. Decided to have a coffee, which you would think is a quite straightforward transaction. Well, it's not. The spotty youth behind the counter offered me all sorts of caffeine concoctions and insisted on listing every type of muffin known to man before I quietly intervened. "I JUST WANT A *&*&!&*&*!!!! COFFEE!!!" This was followed by an altercation with the store Santa Claus who was standing behind me in the queue. I pointed out that all I wanted was a REAL coffee, not that he'd understand, given that he was a fake Santa. I hadn't noticed the six year-old girl behind HIM in the queue, who promptly burst into tears. It's debatable who threw the first punch----me, Santa, the girl's mother or the spotty youth. Anyway, it all kicked off.
To cut a long story short, I still have all my Christmas shopping to do and I'm banned from Debenham's.
Come on! That is so far-fetched. You've got a mate?
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Why we put angels on top of our Christmas Trees.
It was the night before Christmas and things were not going too well for poor old Santa. He was a very stressed Santa indeed!
Rudolph had the flu, Prancer was convinced that flying was bad for the circulation, Dancer had developed a fear of heights and Donner and Blitzen were drunk on "festive milk" prepared by one of the elves from a home recipe sent by his mother.
The elves had run out of red paint and the presents weren't wrapped or tinselled, someone had eaten all the candy canes and to cap it all, the sleigh had failed its MOT!!..
Suddenly, a little angelic face peeped round the door and asked "Santa, Where would you like me to stick this Christmas Tree?".........................
Merry Christmas.
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I made an attempt at shopping today. Stood in the snow for twenty minutes, waiting for a bus that didn't turn up, before getting a lift to Dundee by a mate who'd spotted me shivering and swearing. There was a power cut in Debenham's which meant the tills weren't working. After fifteen minutes with nothing happening, I returned my wife's present to the shelves and walked out. I'll just have to get her ironing board cover at a later date. Decided to have a coffee, which you would think is a quite straightforward transaction. Well, it's not. The spotty youth behind the counter offered me all sorts of caffeine concoctions and insisted on listing every type of muffin known to man before I quietly intervened. "I JUST WANT A *&*&!&*&*!!!! COFFEE!!!" This was followed by an altercation with the store Santa Claus who was standing behind me in the queue. I pointed out that all I wanted was a REAL coffee, not that he'd understand, given that he was a fake Santa. I hadn't noticed the six year-old girl behind HIM in the queue, who promptly burst into tears. It's debatable who threw the first punch----me, Santa, the girl's mother or the spotty youth. Anyway, it all kicked off.
To cut a long story short, I still have all my Christmas shopping to do and I'm banned from Debenham's.
Come on! That is so far-fetched. You've got a mate?
Peeps, be a little more generous. It's nearly the season of goodwill to all men; let Roger have his delusions! :D
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I broke up a fight last night between a bunch of 15 - 16 year olds. I was coaching a 6 a side team when I heard the sound of bottles smashing in the distance.
I didn't think anything of it, (other than cursing stupid drunken louts, like you do).
Then reports came back that a kid was being set upon by a group of seven or eight. The reports were from excited, breathless teenagers, and received by other breathless teenagers with exclamations of "true?" and "oh, wow"..
The kid who was getting the beating was apparently Billy, who I used to coach five years previously.
I expected things to have blown over, the altercation being over a hundred metres away, outside the football club, and in the dark, but fresh reports came through of the lad receiving a hideous doing.
I got a bit fed up of all the questions flying back and forth, from adults and kids alike and said to one of the parents "look after things here" before running off in the direction of the fight.
The sight of a fifty five year old running at full pelt towards them seemed to scare the living daylights out of a mixed group of idiot teenagers, who seemed to be enjoying a carnival atmosphere. Three or four girls ran off immediately, accompanied by a couple of bystanders, but the core group stayed.
However the kicking had stopped as no-one wanted to be observed as the main perpetrator. I had shouted loudly as I waded in, and was able (just) to identify Billy in the gloom. I said for him to accompany me and he was reluctant as he would have been seen as someone who had been "rescued" and in his drunken state, that was unacceptable, of course, so there was a little argy bargy between me and Billy.
Then one idiot started making funny comments, and I saw red. I'm happy to say that the 50+ Malc is very different even than the 40+ Malc, and I didn't lash out, but I did grab him by his ear so tightly he dropped to the floor on one knee. "Sorry, mate I didn't hear that" I said.
At that moment I was joined by a mate, Nick, and a guy I didn't know who came as back-up. Nick is an ex Para and isn't as well adjusted as I am, and the group instinctivley realized this. Then they all faded away into the darkness. I said I wanted to keep the ear of the dickhead I was holding as a souvenir, but the chap I didn't know advised that it should revert to its original owner, so I let him go.
Billy did come back with us to the club, where he was attended to by a couple of off-duty nurses.
His dad Gary was called and thoroughly pissed us all off when he entered the room, saw the state of his son and said "you want to harden the f*ck up, mate".
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Malc, it's almost nice to know that numbskulls aren't exclusive to Scotland. The father's reaction is also far too common.
Tidings of comfort and joy, indeed.
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Well Malc for sure is my hero of the week - well done! That was very brave of you - hope Billy is okay.