Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Roger Kettle on August 04, 2011, 09:28:30 AM
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A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".
At a football match, I heard a supporter call a player "a waste of human skin".
Got any more?
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Heard a cracking joke on QI last night by one of the comedians>
He said: When I told my friends I wanted to be a comedian, they laughed. Well, they're not laughing now!
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I'm pretty sure that's a famous Bob Monkhouse joke, Bill----I hope whoever used it credited him!
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A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".
I thought I recognised that quote. It's from Beau Peep.
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I was once told that I was a perfect reason for relaxing the gun laws.
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I was also once told that the mere sight of me would trouble atheists and Christians alike: atheists would be forced to re-evaluate their cherished "survival of the fittest" theory; Christians would find it hard to believe in a caring god.
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My Mum, being a good east end girl (now 85) used to have a few.
my favoutie was "if wit was sh*t you'd be constipated"
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Winston Churchill comebacks...
Upon being told by Lady Astor, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea.":
Churchill: "If I were your husband, I’d drink it!"
Upon being told, "Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?":
Churchill: "No, it’s purely voluntary."
To Liverpool socialist MP Bessie Braddock, who told him, "Winston, you're drunk.":
Churchill: "Bessie, you’re ugly. And tomorrow morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly."
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I'm pretty sure that's a famous Bob Monkhouse joke, Bill----I hope whoever used it credited him!
He most certainly did not credit Bob.
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A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".
I thought I recognised that quote. It's from Beau Peep.
This is one of two occasions when I've overheard something and used it word-for-word in the strip. The other time was in a pub when a guy asked his mate what he wanted to drink.
"I'll have a whisky and a half of lager."
"That's not a drink---that's a night out!" came the reply.
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Great gags! And here's the full series' for those who haven't seen them for a while (sorry about the quality, but they are nearly antiques)....
The first set from June 1981:
(http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk284/nomad2010/bpjune81-1.jpg)
(http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk284/nomad2010/bpjune81-2.jpg)
And from October 1982:
(http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk284/nomad2010/bpoct82-1.jpg)
(http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk284/nomad2010/bpoct82-2.jpg)
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Thank you Roger for mentioning the jokes so that Rob (using his encyclopedic memory) can post the actual strips
Thanks for those, Rob.
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And one from history regarding Jean Harlow, movie sex symbol...
She was at a dinner party and continuously addressed Margot Asquith (wife of British prime minister Herbert Asquith) as "Margot", pronouncing the "T". Margot finally had enough and said to her, "No, Jean, the 'T' is silent, like in 'Harlow'".
Oh well...... ;D
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The twattiest twat in Twatty-Twat-Twat-land is quite insulting. I'm reserving it for Mince.
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The twattiest twat in Twatty-Twat-Twat-land is quite insulting. I'm reserving it for Mince.
Thank you, I'll make sure I use it to insult someone - probably you, to be honest.
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Yes, thanks for finding those Rob. :)
My brother once said to me "You think you're better than everyone you do" - I said, "No I don't, I just think I'm better than you."
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My brother once said to me "You think you're better than everyone you do"
Exactly how many people have you done?
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Oh no - Diane missed a comma.
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Oh no - Diane missed a comma.
I thought she'd missed two!
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Oh no - Diane missed a comma.
I thought she'd missed two!
Yes, you're right, Vulch. Thank goodness there are a couple of stalwarts helping raise the standard on this forum - Vulch and Pilch.
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I overheard a conversation between an irate copper and his inspector.
It went like this;
"Inspector, if I call you a Tw*t, it is a discipline offence, but if I think you are a tw*t there is nothing you can do about it.
and I think you are a tw*t!
nice one.
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"If talent was rubber, you wouldn't have enough to make a johnny for a spider.."
"She had lovely skin - but so much of it"
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One from the master, Tommy Cooper........
She had lovely red hair, all down her back..
None on her head, just her back...........