Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Roger Kettle on September 19, 2007, 08:43:11 PM
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I'm not sure if these denizens of The Deep have ever met in mortal combat but I couldn't help wondering who would win. Octopuses are supposed to be extremely intelligent, have remarkable mobility and, obviously, possess eight different ways of punching an opponent in the mouth. On the other hand, Narwhals have a big, pointy thing. I've given this a lot of thought but, frankly, it's too close to call for me.
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It's a whole different world beneath the waves, Roger. That's part of the intrigue. I love seafood, and have been out in compact, sloked, fishing boats helping get the langoustines, squat lobsters and crabs from the creels. I'm a bit squeamish about cooking the prawns live, I have to admit.
I had squid cooked in their own ink when in the Far East. I'm sure I chewed on some gristly bits I shouldn't have. That's me though - the adventurous diner.
Anyway, I think the octopuses would win, as they'd have the more able goalkeeper.
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Yes, but what about the narwhals' pointy bit? I don't think you've thought this through.
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Yes, but what about the narwhals' pointy bit? I don't think you've thought this through.
The pointy, prodular bit, looks odd, like its been glued on! They'd continually be caught offside, mainly due to that "pointy bit", so even if they did get past the Octopus goalie, it would all be in vain.
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Peeps, I'm disappointed that you haven't taken this seriously. Your premise is based, ludicrously, on narwhals not being au fait with the offside rule. Grow up, man.
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Peeps, I'm disappointed that you haven't taken this seriously. Your premise is based, ludicrously, on narwhals not being au fait with the offside rule. Grow up, man.
Point taken.
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Peeps, I'm disappointed that you haven't taken this seriously. Your premise is based, ludicrously, on narwhals not being au fait with the offside rule. Grow up, man.
Point taken.
Roger, they're known for being particularly prone to being caught offside.
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Roger, they're known for being particularly prone to being caught offside.
Is that the port or larboard side never could figure that out.
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Octopuses ... possess eight different ways of punching an opponent in the mouth.
But some of the tentacles are needed to manoeuvre, so that brings the average down a bit.
It's a good question. I like it.
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Has the octopus had training in tentacle-to-tentacle combat?
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I think the octopus would lure the narwhal into the sunken wreck of a ship and then perform a kind of bull-fighting ploy to trick the narwhal into harpooning itself into solid wood. Then the octopus could take its time with the beatings.
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I think the octopus would lure the narwhal into the sunken wreck of a ship and then perform a kind of bull-fighting ploy to trick the narwhal into harpooning itself into solid wood. Then the octopus could take its time with the beatings.
You've been watching too much Tom & Jerry.
I wonder what would be appropriate names for the octopus and narwal...
Ollie and Norrie?
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I used to write "Desert Island Dick" in "The Topper". His best mate, platonically, of course, was Ollie the octopus.
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I used to write "Desert Island Dick" in "The Topper". His best mate, platonically, of course, was Ollie the octopus.
Did all the sea creatures have names? Every shrimp, sand-eel, starfish, plankton, halibut....?
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I like the way all my carefully thought-out and comprehensive posts in reply to this question are glossed over and ignored.
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I was trying to weigh this up then is realised I did not know all the facts.
!) how old were they.
2) were they in training.
3)were either professional.
4) what size were they.
5) was a referee appointed to see there was no touching up.
6) was it to the death.
7) were tickets sold for the fight.
All these things make a difference to the out come of the engagement.
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So they were engaged, were they? That's me back to square one.
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The octopus would only stand a chance if he could get behind the narwhal unawares and squeeze him.
With the narwhal facing the octopus, the pointy bit (which is substantially long and strong), would be an ever-present threat.
If I was a narwhal, I would dummy the octopus to the left and switch right with lightning speed, running him through before his tentacles could grab me.
I have just spent five valuable minutes writing this in a Manchester library with the clock ticking down all the while.
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And I'm very glad you did, Malc. It's about time someone took this seriously.
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And I'm very glad you did, Malc. It's about time someone took this seriously.
I thought my question were serious Roger.
You know the old saying a good little one what am I doing teaching my granny to suck eggs.
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Boxing might be the answer. Norrie the Narwhal would still be working out how to put gloves on his fins, when Ollie would hit him with a left, then follow up with seven rights.
I've been thinking of giving names to these sea creatures.
So far I've come up with:
Norrie the Narwhal
Ollie the Octopus
Sandy the Sand Hopper
Sandy the Sand Eel
Sandy the Sand Diver
Sandy the Sand Shark
Stella the Starfish
Crabby the Crab
Lobby the Lobster
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That's inspired, Peepie.
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Boxing might be the answer. Norrie the Narwhal would still be working out how to put gloves on his fins, when Ollie would hit him with a left, then follow up with seven rights.
I've been thinking of giving names to these sea creatures.
So far I've come up with:
Norrie the Narwhal
Ollie the Octopus
Sandy the Sand Hopper
Sandy the Sand Eel
Sandy the Sand Diver
Sandy the Sand Shark
Stella the Starfish
Crabby the Crab
Lobby the Lobster
:D :D :D :D :D
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Boxing might be the answer. Norrie the Narwhal would still be working out how to put gloves on his fins, when Ollie would hit him with a left, then follow up with seven rights.
I've been thinking of giving names to these sea creatures.
So far I've come up with:
Norrie the Narwhal
Ollie the Octopus
Sandy the Sand Hopper
Sandy the Sand Eel
Sandy the Sand Diver
Sandy the Sand Shark
Stella the Starfish
Crabby the Crab
Lobby the Lobster
Dont mention Sandy. You will be mobbed
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I had to go out hurriedly so didn't finish my list.
Planky the Plankton
Mac the Mackerel
John the John Dory
Sally the Salmon
Clammy the Clam
Elvis the Elver
Carol the Coral
Deborah the Whelk
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Like Roger I will act as the straight man.
Why Deborah the Whelk.
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Like Roger I will act as the straight man.
Why Deborah the Whelk.
It was a female whelk, of course. ::)
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Like Roger I will act as the straight man.
Why Deborah the Whelk.
It was a female whelk, of course. ::)
I know but why not Wendy or Wanda but Deborah she should be the dolphin.
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Peter, the secret of a good straight man is knowing when to stop the gag. ::)
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I had to go out hurriedly so didn't finish my list.
Could you go out more often?
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Like Roger I will act as the straight man.
Why Deborah the Whelk.
It was a female whelk, of course. ::)
I know but why not Wendy or Wanda but Deborah she should be the dolphin.
??? I just liked the idea of a whelk called Deborah. (It's not a common name with shellfish).
When I was in the Philippines, we spent a few days on the small island of Boracay, off the larger Panay Island. I booked a chalet near the beach, and one evening heard the sound of a creature clattering across the paved area outside. I took a photograph.
Meet Helen, the Land Hermit Crab. (People actually keep these as pets in some parts of the world).
(http://www.nigelsutherland.co.uk/landhermitcrab.jpg)
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??? I just liked the idea of a whelk called Deborah. (It's not a common name with shellfish).
When I was in the Philippines, we spent a few days on the small island of Boracay, off the larger Panay Island. I booked a chalet near the beach, and one evening heard the sound of a creature clattering across the paved area outside. I took a photograph.
Meet Helen, the Land Hermit Crab. (People actually keep these as pets in some parts of the world).
(http://www.nigelsutherland.co.uk/landhermitcrab.jpg)
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I think it should be Lady Helen Crustacea.
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I don't think these things have surnames, Peter! What a bizarre concept.
I just realised that the way I wrote that piece earlier made it sound as though the Land Hermit Crab was already named Helen. It was actually the name I gave it. I've no idea whether anyone had previously named it. For all I know, I may have been the only person ever to have seen it. This was a wild one, not one that had been domesticated.
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That's Matilda! I thought she was lost forever.
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That's Matilda! I thought she was lost forever.
No she had been to the dance.