Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Mince on December 05, 2007, 04:01:49 PM
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Each poster can write one and only one line from one (any) person. You may introduce who you wish. You may add short stage directions (in italics). You may post a line only if you did not post the previous line. You may break the rules if you really need to.
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A crossroads in the middle of Scotland late at night.
JOSK: I'm not lost!
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SVEN: Oh, I think we are, Josk!
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JOSK: Who told you my real name is Josk? I've never told anyone that.
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ANGUS (black): Moo, Moo, Mooooo
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SVEN: "I'm scared, Josk. We're a long way from home, lost, cold, it's dark, and that kilted Afro-Caribbean gentleman is doing cow impressions. What does it all mean?"
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1st Policeman: Dismounting from bicycle, and removing cycle-clips, before putting cycle-clips into saddle-bag, and proceeding to stroke lengthy waxed moustache.
"'ello, 'ello, 'ello - what's all this then? I hope you gentlemen have a reason for being out here so late, holding hands in the moonlight, on a Tuesday, when Celtic's playin' on the telly, against Inter Milan, unfortunately being down to ten men, with Evander Sno havin' been sent off for a professional foul."
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2nd Policeman: Sarge, I've asked you not to stroke my moustache.
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1st Policeman: Askin's askin, lad. Thar's more'n answer tha could get.
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JOSK: Are you by any chance looking for a guy doing cow impressions?
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2nd Policeman: Sarge, why are you talking like that? You're Scottish.
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JOSK (to SVEN): The *&%$% is ignoring me now! (to 1ST POLICEMAN) It's cuz I'm short, isn't it?
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1st POLICEMAN to 2nd Policeman: Did you hear a little whiney sound?
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2nd POLICEMAN: "Indeed - 'twas the cork popping from a bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite, unless I'm very much mistaken. The plot thickens."
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Josk to first policeman
"Excuse me sir, if you have the inclination the sheep over there is willing.
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2nd policeman
"Hey that ones mine".
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Angus (To Josk): Excuse me, I'm a cow.
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JOSK (to ANGUS): It must be awful pretending to be a cow and being mistaken for a sheep.
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3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th Policemen: In unison
Why is everyone ignoring us?
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9th POLICEMAN: "Maybe we're undercover. Sorry - did I startle you, guys?"
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9th POLICEMAN: "Maybe we're undercover. Sorry - did I startle you, guys?"
14th Traffic Warden: (Removing make-up) "I'm sorry, but I feel I should speak up for us guys..."
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JOSK: I'm leaving. It's getting stupid round here.
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JOSK: I'm leaving. It's getting stupid round here.
Undercover Detective: (Springing from the bushes)
Not so fast! Did you leave a kayak on the beach several years ago?
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JOSK to Sven: "I thought you'd digested that piece of evidence, Sven - I should never have trusted you to have my kayak and eat it."
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Audience: In unison "Groan"
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JOSK to the pool of policemen: Look, behind you - is that a camel!
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JOSK (to SVEN, while everyone is looking for the camel): You're unusually quiet.
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Sven
"I was just thinking that when you get old you forget things.
and another thing when you get old you forget things.
With so many police is this the policeman's Ball
I said is this the policeman's Ball."
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1st POLICEMAN: "Not tonight, sir - that'll be at the weekend. We've sold a lot of tickets as usual, more than any of the other emergency services. I think I can say with every confidence that policemen's balls are bigger than firemen's balls."
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5TH POLICEMAN: I am ugly and stupid.
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All on stage produce swords. Massive fight ensues. All stab each other to death. Curtain falls.
The End.
I said THE END
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1st Undertaker: "This is going to be more than we can handle, Eric".
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Ghost of Josk appears.
What happened, what happened. I was just standing there and suddenly I was dead.
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Sven s ghost appears stage left
It was those people dressed as policemen. They were Bulgarian refugees looking for a Job.
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ACT 2
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5th POLICEMAN: "Look at me, Mammy - I've got wings! And...and...and I'm BEAUTIFUL!"
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5TH POLICEMAN: I have always wanted to be a fairy!
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JOSK (to 1ST UNDERTAKER): So it's just the two of you?
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JOSK (to 1ST UNDERTAKER): So it's just the two of you?
4TH UNDERTAKER (To 1st Undertaker): Is he talking to us?
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JOSK: Well, either I am corporeal again, or you can see ghosts. You're not Bruce Willis, are you?
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HATTIE JACQUES (Actress, being an actress in this play, and playing the part of a character - herself, in this instance): "Do I look like Bruce Willis? ::)
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All characters produce rubber swords, massive fight ensues, attempts to stab everyone to death are rendered futile, Fight goes on to the wee small hours.
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The fight looked somthing like this...
(http://foolstown.com/sm/kngt.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/kar.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/box.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/susel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/gun.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/duel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/bud.gif)
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The fight looked somthing like this...
(http://foolstown.com/sm/kngt.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/kar.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/box.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/susel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/gun.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/duel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/bud.gif)
:D :D :D :D :D
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The fight looked somthing like this...
(http://foolstown.com/sm/kngt.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/kar.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/box.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/susel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/gun.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/duel.gif) (http://foolstown.com/sm/bud.gif)
Brilliant scenario, Diane.
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All characters produce rubber swords, massive fight ensues, attempts to stab everyone to death are rendered futile, Fight goes on to the wee small hours.
Into rubber are we Malc.
Very interesting.
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Diane, that is exACTLY what it was like, well done. It's still going on now, and will outlast The Mousetrap as the longest continuously performed play.