Beau Peep Notice Board

Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Malc on March 09, 2008, 03:38:06 PM

Title: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 09, 2008, 03:38:06 PM
Well, bugger me.

Eight of my team have been selected to represent Brisbane in a sort of Super League and therefore I now have no job.

They were free to trial as part of the new Rebel Sports Premier League which pits teams from SW Queensland, the Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast, North Brisbane, and other regions against each other in a sort of super-competition run by FFA, the national body for football in Australia.

Unfortunately, due to a boycott by two of the biggest local clubs (imagine if Rangers and Celtic withheld their players from Scotland selection) my players now make up the majority of our local rep team.

I'm gutted. My son was selected, but I'm still gutted.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Roger Kettle on March 09, 2008, 06:26:05 PM
Nightmare, Malc! I have this vision of a lonely cartoonist wandering the streets of Brisbane, desperately trying to coach any kid he sees kicking a tin can.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Vulture on March 09, 2008, 07:24:07 PM
Well, bugger me.

Eight of my team have been selected to represent Brisbane in a sort of Super League and therefore I now have no job.

They were free to trial as part of the new Rebel Sports Premier League which pits teams from SW Queensland, the Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast, North Brisbane, and other regions against each other in a sort of super-competition run by FFA, the national body for football in Australia.

Unfortunately, due to a boycott by two of the biggest local clubs (imagine if Rangers and Celtic withheld their players from Scotland selection) my players now make up the majority of our local rep team.

I'm gutted. My son was selected, but I'm still gutted.

Does this mean no more weekly updates?  :(
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 09, 2008, 08:16:53 PM
Nightmare, Malc! I have this vision of a lonely cartoonist wandering the streets of Brisbane, desperately trying to coach any kid he sees kicking a tin can.

"It's okay, Officer, I was just wandering the streets looking for kids". No, I don't think so, Roger.  ::)
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 09, 2008, 11:55:08 PM
Vulture, I'm now a sought-after coach, as eight of my team are now rep players, but if I take a job somewhere else I won't be able to see my older son play his games, so it's a bit of a quandary.

The Mighty Bulldogs was shaping up to be an enjoyable ride, a real underdog-makes-good story, you wouldn't believe the hurdles certain a**holes put in place for me, but now that potential has all gone.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Mince on March 12, 2008, 10:54:37 AM
Vulture, I'm now a sought-after coach ...

How do you know? Do people ring you up all the time and ask you to be their coach?
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 12, 2008, 11:18:49 AM
Vulture, I'm now a sought-after coach ...

How do you know? Do people ring you up all the time and ask you to be their coach?


Well I know I do, but the line is always engaged. Must be those other coach-seekers.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 18, 2008, 02:54:16 PM
Quote
How do you know? Do people ring you up all the time and ask you to be their coach?

Yes. So shut up.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Mince on March 18, 2008, 06:29:24 PM
Yes. So shut up.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to need statistics.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 19, 2008, 01:23:44 PM
They would be irrelevant, because just as you need statistics, I knead statistics.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Mince on March 19, 2008, 01:57:38 PM
 :D

Coaches need to be creative.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 19, 2008, 03:15:00 PM
:D

Coaches need to be creative.

You'd make a good coach - if they took your teeth out and installed seats.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Mince on March 19, 2008, 06:13:57 PM
Yes, and you would be a cruise liner.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 21, 2008, 04:04:51 AM
Oh har de har.

That's an old Brian Clough gag.

Anyway, despite the hundreds of phone calls I'm receiving daily, I won't be taking up a coaching position this year as in May I'm doing a REFEREE's course!!

Mwuahahahahaha! I'm going over to the dark side, (which pays a lot better, incidentally).

Look forward to receiving daily updates on little-known laws of the game, how referees are misunderstood and how players are a bunch of complaining, cheating, thick gits.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Roger Kettle on March 21, 2008, 09:26:05 AM
The classic poacher turned gamekeeper. Good luck with that, Malc--- may the pea in your whistle never let you down.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: peter on March 21, 2008, 09:55:06 AM
Malc I am a fully qualified Referee
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 21, 2008, 10:16:25 AM
I instinctively knew that.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 21, 2008, 10:17:13 AM
Lord only knows what they made of the match reports at Ref Control.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: peter on March 21, 2008, 10:19:45 AM
Never booked anyone or sent anyone off.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Colin on March 21, 2008, 01:31:01 PM
Can someone explain the offside rule then?  ;D
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 21, 2008, 02:51:17 PM
There have to be at least two opponents between you and their goal line when the ball is kicked to you.

Next...
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 21, 2008, 03:13:40 PM
Where people get confused with the above rule is when they only see ONE opponent between the attacker and the goal, and commentators are discussing whether the attacker is level with him.

The other opponent is of course the goalie, who is most often standing on his goal line.

The most common mistake spectators make is shouting that an attacker is well onside, when he is already past the goalie with only a single defender to beat when the ball is played to him.

 With only that single opponent to beat, he's already in an offside position. Once he touches the ball, the whistle goes.

My best get-out clause (I ref dozens of games every year) is the "interfering with play" rule, which means that if I think a forward is distracting the goalie or is in any way giving his teammates a sneaky advantage by being in an offside position (though he doesn't touch the ball) I blow the whistle.

This effectively takes us back to the 70s when refs whistled if any attacker without the ball strayed past the last outfield defender, but I don't care, I hate the present offside rule, coaches use it to bamboozle officials, instructing players to stray offside and get in the way of goalies even if they have no expectation of getting the ball.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: peter on March 21, 2008, 03:47:45 PM
Yes but when is a player active or inactive
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 21, 2008, 06:16:36 PM
Yes but when is a player active or inactive

Every other Wednesday, I think.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 22, 2008, 06:53:25 AM
Quote
Yes but when is a player active or inactive

When I bloody say they are.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Fyodor on March 22, 2008, 11:01:22 AM
Where people get confused with the above rule is when they only see ONE opponent between the attacker and the goal, and commentators are discussing whether the attacker is level with him.

The other opponent is of course the goalie, who is most often standing on his goal line.

The most common mistake spectators make is shouting that an attacker is well onside, when he is already past the goalie with only a single defender to beat when the ball is played to him.

 With only that single opponent to beat, he's already in an offside position. Once he touches the ball, the whistle goes.

My best get-out clause (I ref dozens of games every year) is the "interfering with play" rule, which means that if I think a forward is distracting the goalie or is in any way giving his teammates a sneaky advantage by being in an offside position (though he doesn't touch the ball) I blow the whistle.

This effectively takes us back to the 70s when refs whistled if any attacker without the ball strayed past the last outfield defender, but I don't care, I hate the present offside rule, coaches use it to bamboozle officials, instructing players to stray offside and get in the way of goalies even if they have no expectation of getting the ball.

Point of information ref:
The player receiving the ball must have been ahead of the ball when it was played to him. If he was behind it, he cannot be offside no matter how many, if any, opponents are between him and the ball.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 22, 2008, 08:57:40 PM
Correct, but also bear in mind he CAN be ahead of the ball from a throw-in or a goal kick and still be onside, even if he is closer to the opponents goal line than EVERY opponent. The same applies if he is in his own half of the field (this situation does occur when every player, both goalies included, crowds the goal for a corner in the last seconds of a game, for instance).

Also bear in mind that the offside player may not be a "he" as women play the game too.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: The Peepmaster on March 23, 2008, 09:39:56 AM
...women play the game too.

Whatever next...  ::)
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Fyodor on March 24, 2008, 10:21:39 AM
Correct, but also bear in mind he CAN be ahead of the ball from a throw-in or a goal kick and still be onside, even if he is closer to the opponents goal line than EVERY opponent. The same applies if he is in his own half of the field (this situation does occur when every player, both goalies included, crowds the goal for a corner in the last seconds of a game, for instance).

Also bear in mind that the offside player may not be a "he" as women play the game too.

Agreed and we must also bear in mind that an onside player may be a woman or child of either gender AND if the ball is played by an opponent to her/him while s/he is in a putative offside position, s/he will be automatically onside.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on March 24, 2008, 11:25:23 AM
What about dogs? I've seen dogs run on pitches. And birds (feathery ones)?
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: peter on March 24, 2008, 01:16:56 PM
they become part of the pitch like the Ref
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Fyodor on March 24, 2008, 02:09:41 PM
What about dogs? I've seen dogs run on pitches. And birds (feathery ones)?

All animals automatically qualify to play for the Old Firm.
Title: Re: Malc's Mighty Bulldogs. Who Could Have Guessed It Would End Like This?
Post by: Malc on March 24, 2008, 04:38:46 PM
 And Boy George, he's played with a cockatoo.