Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Diane CBPFC on June 11, 2010, 06:37:39 AM
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I had a bad time coaching tonight - it was the first time we have had nice weather but the kids on the other team were little shits - arguing, pushing, telling me to shut up with me "ole, ole" loudspeaker... calling me a lesbian (I was wearing a cowboy hat). Their coach apologised for their behaviour but they wouldn't listen to her either.
So I called the game.
The kids on my team too were getting heated and vocal. Our club motto is "Friendship, Fun, Fairplay" - but they had a very different "F" word in mind.
I had a talk with my team and they agreed with the decision. One kid from the other side came and told me off for not doing the handshake walk at the end if it was about sportsmanship. I said that would make me a hypocrite because I was still mad at his team. Two games left and not playing that team again.
I don't want to go back. I am embarrassed that I don't have the skills to have kept the game going and changed the behaviour...and that they were talking about me at the Co-op when I stopped in there on the way home. And yes I did in fact tell the other coach that her team were a bunch of "little shits" in front of their parents.
What should I do Malc?
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Diane, I know I'm not Malc, and I know absolutely nothing about any team games, but I think you made the right decision. If the parents and the coach of the other team think that their children's behaviour is/was acceptable, then 'pulling the plug' was the only way you could go.
If no other team will play with them, then they'll get the message or, at the very least, all the little shits can be teamed up with each other!
(My first instinct is for hands to meet backs of legs but that would bring you down to their level!)
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Hi Vultch - the other coach was not happy about how they were acting but she too (like me) isn't very sporty. They are the oldest kids in the club some of them are 18.
I have been having a good time with my kids up to now - the only time we had to versus this team - only about half the kids showed up that night because of the weather so they played WITH our team against the other two teams.
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I'd still put them on the black list so you don't ever have to expose your kids to that sort of behaviour.
They did know the rudiments of good sportsmanship (complaining about not doing the handshake...) but they also should know that they can't just pick the bits they like and **ck to the rest of it!
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I know I'm not Malc, either, but I applaud you for having the strength to finish that game. These are not kids if you say some of them are 18 and someone has to start letting them know this is not acceptable behaviour. I know you can argue that should have started at home when they were 2 but any responsible adult coming into contact with them now, in a coaching position, has a moral right to do what they can...whether the kids see they have a corresponding responsibilty to react to your decision is a whole other situation!
Sorry what started as a lot of fun/hard work has descended into this
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Can I just say that I'm also not Malcolm. Even so, I think you did well to have the courage to stand up to these little shallots and cancel the match, lesbian or not.
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I think it's O.K. to be a lesbian - but the cowboy hat............. <-
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Diane, I am Malc and you done great.
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Add me to the list of people who aren't Malcolm.
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Dianne, obviously I'm not Malc either , (where is Malc when you need him) if other parents started talking about you, it just means you're becoming some sort of celebrity , ask them if they want your autograph next time ;D
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I'm Spartacus. No I'm not .. and I'm not Malc either. I know I'm not a coach, but you done good there gal. It takes guts to stand up for your principles and try to instil some general morals into the younger generation. Well Done.
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Thank you for you support on my decision to quit the game early. I do feel better this morning and will do the last two games of the season. :)
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I might have a go at being Malc tonight. (Just need to practice the camp walk and effeminate voice.)
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Diane - I'm on your side too! You did good. I'm not Malc, either.
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I forgot to add that I support every decision you made except for the cowboy hat.
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Malcolm wears his cowboy hat at a jaunty angle. I noticed that when he came to Bute.
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Diane, I think you did exactly the right thing. It's taken me a while to answer because I got confused about lesbians, cowboy hats and the revelation that Malc is a girly.
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I really do have a cowboy hat (it was sunny) but I'm not a real lesbian. I just refuse to yell that I'm not over the soccer field, as being gay is a human rights issue for me. I'm also not really black or a real Cree Indian, or a Jew or a Muslim.
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And you're definitely not Malcolm.
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If there's one thing I learned from this topic, it's that not many people here are Malcolm.
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Diane, I am Malc.
Welcome to coaching.
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No. He's Spartacus.
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ok, seriously....
Coaching is often exactly as you describe. You get terrible moments, where you feel that you've lost control, and sometimes you HAVE lost control, the younger the team, the harder it is to maintain equilibrium or any sense of order. Most coaches of senior teams would rather stick needles in their eyes than coach juniors, it can be horrible.
With experience, you can cut out a lot of the crap, but unfortunately that only comes over time. Women will ALWAYS have a harder time than men, because of something called the coach voice. Kids respond better to a hard, booming male voice than the gentler female version. I hate to say that, but it's a fact of life.
Women coaches with experience get by great when they coach other women at a higher level, but with mixed teams, it can be a very intimidating experience. Kids are often little shits, and you're used by parents as babysitter for, or respite care from their horrific offspring.
I suspect that you're actually doing very well considering the circumstances, but coaching is more like juggling soot or trying to plait jelly.
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Oh, dear!
I too apologise for not being Malc, but also for not quite sharing in the general spirit of the replies in this forum, which I feel are coloured more than a tad by our common love and respect for the CBPFC supremo.
We have a World Cup just started, which, hopefully, will demonstrate over the next few weeks, an extraordinary spirit of sportsmanship, fair play and common decency throughout the length and breadth of every nation participating, and rubbing off on those that aren't. But I doubt that it will, and for very good reasons.
Soccer is nothing if not a game of high passions. I have played and watched the Beautiful Game all of my life, and have experienced too many highs and lows to count over those years. More often than not, those moments have occurred within the bounds of reasonable sportsmanship, although perfect sportsmanship is an extremely rare beast indeed. And often (yes, often), the passion spills over to behaviour that is most certainly not typical of everyday life, and in some cases can be thoroughly reprehensible.
In the extreme cases, it is ugly and deserving of utter condemnation. However, if soccer matches were ever to be scrutinised for, and judged upon the atypical language and aggression aroused through the passions of its players and supporters, and games brought to a premature end every time it was deemed inappropriate, then the game itself would grind to a speedy halt in no time at all, possibly never to be resuscitated. I don't condone abusive behaviour, but context is all here, and there are indeed rules of the game that can and should be enforced to protect against the more extreme behaviour such as violent conduct.
The 'lesser' behaviour (the verbal stuff mostly), though still unpleasant, is, I'm afraid, part and parcel of the game, and will almost certainly never be eradicated. Again, it is punishable through laws of the game, and laws of the land, but although I will not condone the vast majority of it, I see a functionality in much of it (letting off steam in a controlled environment has to be better than in an uncontrolled one), and quite often a high degree of creativity in some of it, that can make you both wince, and roar with laughter simultaneously. It ain't all bad! Sanitised football would be.
On a personal note, Diane, I'd ditch the "Ole, Ole!" along with that loudspeaker, and I believe many of your problems will be solved at a stroke. The hat's fine though. I wear a cowboy hat, and I am even attracted to women - doesn't make me a lesbian, I assure you.
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Thanks Malc and TTIII
I think if I had it to do all over again and being prepared for such a situation (situation had not come up before) what I should have done was blow the whistle and have all the kids sit in the middle of the field and tell them that they would be getting a few minutes to cool off while I went over the rules - no pushing, no agrguing, no deliberate tripping etc. THen one "last chance" before the game was called.
The trouble last night was that the other coach just stood by her goal the whole time and I was left to go up and down the field (with me sore foot) - no refs, not even any lines painted on the field - all make things impossible to play other than at a FUN level of play with a mixed team of kids from age 12 to 18 (much too big of an age spread in my opinion) - no room for passions and swearing. They are expected to be fair and help monitor themselves for ball outs etc as you can't see if you haven't got to that side of the field and the size difference of the kids in the age spread means you have to play nice if you are older. Most of the time this was what happend this season - it was just last night that the bickering was awful and the general spirit of war over the field.
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Kids respond better to a hard, booming male voice
Yours did okay though, so you said...
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Very funny, peeps. >:(
We have a coach at my club who has a very high voice (on the phone he sounds like a girl) and he does shriek instructions during games, much to the amusement of all, but the important thing is that his voice is powerful, so it commands the players' attention.
Diane, your description of the game (the wide age spread and no line markings, etc,) was worrying. I defy ANYone to coach well under those conditions.
In Oz, club football is strictly controlled, age groups progress year by year (Under 11, Under 12, Under 13, etc) until Under 16, then after that it's Youth (16 to 18). Our grounds are maintained by volunteers, but are always mowed and clearly lined to FIFA measurements, plus we have referees and assistants assigned to games.
If, for some reason a ref or officials can't be assigned, parents then step in and adopt those roles.
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Malc, it was ironic that it was the first nice weather we had had all year that the kids decided to act up. Some in my team were buzzing just doing the drills beforehand.
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I'm the Director of Junior Coaching at a club this year, but as well as those general duties, I am responsible for a particular team. This year it's the U11 Div 1 who are a bunch of monkeys.
I would love to say that as the elite of their age group, they behave in a professional, serious manner, but they don't. They are mostly ten year-olds and act like it. Trying to get serious, professional football concepts over to them is hard, and the training has to be planned before I get to the ground, because if they have more than two minutes to start pushing each other and spraying each other with drinks, whilst I am putting cones down (and I have an assistant!) it all turns to crap.
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That is actually quite encouraging to hear Malc.
And it's only two games left for me. There is always that too.
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Keep going, Diane! You're a braver woman than I. Take comfort from the knowledge that you're not alone - there are women and men all over the world having similar experiences and at some point, wondering why the heck they put their hand up to coach a kids' team. I was manager for a soccer team once and that was enough!
Count yourself lucky that you're not coaching an Aussie girls' netball team, they are vicious! Sneaky. That's a huge age spread you have there - all those hormones going on! Seems to me you're doing a good job in a very disorganised situation.
Also, count yourself lucky you're not the Socceroo's coach today! :-( I wouldn't like to be around Graham today, Malc - and he's the assistant coach. I've seen him in a bad mood - not nice.
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Graham always looks in a bad mood anyway!
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This is true, but he can be quite a cheery chap. Haven't seen him for a while.
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Soccer went much better last night.
I left my horn in the car - and told the kids I wouldn't be doing the horn and they had a protest - no, you must use your horn - it was only a few of the green team that didn't like it (little shits from last week) we want the horn!
Next week is the last game of the season and tradition is that we combine all four teams 1 & 4 highest scoring playing against 2 & 3 - we apparently are #2. Should be better with enough coaches to take a side each instead of half (or all) of a field.
I am officiating at our local swim meet tomorrow - I have no idea why I get involved in these things. I've been reading up on the internet what I'm supposed to do - I also have to take in 6 doz cookies. But at least it got me out of selling hot dogs for the "safe grad" party. (THe kids go out in the bush and get drunk until 3:00 AM, the money is used to hire a bus to bring them all home safe - yes we live amongst idiots).
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I'm exhausted, Diane! How about you? :) Are there bears in them there woods?? Do you raise enough money to clean the bus out as well? ;)
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Yes bears and wolves but it is the mosquitos that do the most damage ;D
My son won't be going he doesn't drink at all - in fact he stopped eating my christmas sherry triffle when he found out I used real sherry.
I think they do have to hose off the bus and take a kid or two in for stitches - not a lot of sense to it at all.
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Bit like the world cup then...
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;D
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We have "Schoolies" week here where kids who graduate go to the Gold Coast, cohabit seafront apartments, drink themselves silly and cause loads of expensive Police overtime to the taxpayer.
This is all very popular with the apartment owners and business owners on the Gold Coast, of course, who have the kids best interests at heart.
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Oh, yes - Schoolies horrors! We thought it was a better idea when son wanted to go on a cruise rather than to the Gold Coast. Ha, ha! Their cruise made the news because some young eejit thought it would be a good joke to cry "man overboard" and the ship was stopped mid ocean - big no, no. I think there was a fight as well and the police met the ship when it docked in Sydney and arrested the boys involved in both incidents. Our boys said they weren't aware of any trouble ... They did have a good time and came back in one piece, which I suppose was the main thing! I was in Scotland at the time.
They stopped the Schoolies cruises a couple of years later, unsurprisingly.
Kate went to the Gold Coast with her friends, but they're good girls and didn't get into any strife ... I vaguely remember Kate saying it was a bit boring. ;)
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I would like to talk abit about my chair. I have a fold up camp chair that has a canopy top on it. Whilst the real Canadians were on deck baking in sun tops, I was sitting in my canopy chair with long sleeves and a cowboy hat. It is quite hard to keep your interest up in timing races for 8 hours - glad that day is done.
My daughter's best race place was 4th and she beat her times in all four races. Last time she entered her best place was 6th. She won a raffle too and got to buy chips off a mobile vendor. SHe had a good day. ;D
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I would like to talk abit about my chair. I have a fold up camp chair that has a canopy top on it. Whilst the real Canadians were on deck baking in sun tops, I was sitting in my canopy chair with long sleeves and a cowboy hat.
Where can one get a 'canopy chair with long sleeves and a cowboy hat'?
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I would like to talk abit about my chair. I have a fold up camp chair that has a canopy top on it. Whilst the real Canadians were on deck baking in sun tops, I was sitting in my canopy chair with long sleeves and a cowboy hat.
Where can one get a 'canopy chair with long sleeves and a cowboy hat'?
Well, in Canada - obviously!.... Duh! ;D
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Is that near Marks & Sparks?
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Vulch said Canada, NOT C and A.
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How pathetic!
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I thought it was rather clever, myself. ???
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I thought it was rather clever, myself. ???
Thanks, Tarks. Canada = CanadA, Billy. ..0
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Wow,
i never knew that peeps. Thanks for explaining it to me. You are soo useful.
Yet no one comments on my miserable efforts, even though I try. I don't think I shall bother as you are all soo more witty that such as I.
It's quite nice here in Hyeres. Weather is sunny and pleasant and I'm stuck in a meeting room being bored for my country. Have a little pity.
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Im stuck with Peeps! Will that make you feel better Bil? >:(
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At least someone out there cares a little.
They do make superglue remover. You are too good to him - but please amend your signature. That would really please Mince.
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The C&A joke is good, if suffering somewhat from the fact that, as far as Britain are concerned, C&A shut down ten years ago.
Still, I think there's just enough residual familiarity for the joke to work with a British audience, and obviously with the international community we have here, C&A may still be a well-known brand.
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Im stuck with Peeps! Will that make you feel better Bil? >:(
You have my sympathy, Lucy. Can you see your signature at the bottom of your posts? At the risk of overpublishing, it says:
"That Peepmaster is such a stud. All man! Mmmmmmm." ..0
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Oh, yes, I got it, Jack. In fact, last time I was back in Edinburgh, I walked up and down Princes Street looking for C&A. :(
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Im stuck with Peeps! Will that make you feel better Bil? >:(
You have my sympathy, Lucy. Can you see your signature at the bottom of your posts? At the risk of overpublishing, it says:
"That Peepmaster is such a stud. All man! Mmmmmmm." ..0
Can you all please stop going on about my sexual prowess. It's tough enough coping with the fans and groupies as it is!
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"That Peepmaster is such a stud.
Can you all please stop going on about my sexual prowess. It's tough enough coping with the fans and groupies as it is!
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Groupies? This thread is Soccer Woes not Soccer Ho's.
....and back to the subject. I'm responsible for an U11 team this year as well as being Director Of Coaching at the club.
The U11s had a promising pre-season but now, owing to injuries, illnesses and absences we are losing games (always by one last second goal).
After our loss today, one father came to remonstrate with me about a number of things, none of which made any sense. I talked it over with my assistant coach later and we agreed that it his kind of grief reaction to the fact that his son had an absolute nightmare of a game, even though he was played in his favourite position and got good game time.
I lost my temper somewhat and went through the guy like a dose of salts (just in case you think I'm a bully -this father is an ex basketball player and is nearly seven feet tall) telling him that if we had won the game, he wouldn't have come to complain and we wouldn't be having a conversation.
So you see that coaching isn't all about drills and skills, it's about dills too
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Well my coaching ended on Thursday night - last game of the season ... won't answer the phone when they call next spring. ;)
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Well my coaching ended on Thursday night - last game of the season ... won't answer the phone when they call next spring. ;)
Diane, that's not fair. You owe it to whoever they do coerce into being the coach to say exactly why you're not doing it again. OR say you will do it but only if they give you a cattle prod to keep the bigger s*ds under control!
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I am nothing if not fair. I told her exactly what I told you lot even used the "little shits" term. ;)
But they will phone again - I know because I ran the club for the first 7 years and volunteers are hard to find for the four oldest teams.
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I am nothing if not fair. I told her exactly what I told you lot even used the "little shits" term. ;)
But they will phone again - I know because I ran the club for the first 7 years and volunteers are hard to find for the four oldest teams. One wonders why!?
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I know because I ran the club for the first 7 years and volunteers are hard to find for the four oldest teams
That's exactly right, Diane. My job has a grand title, but it's basically an admin/HR post. I do take to the field on coaching night and look after other teams, but only when their coach is off sick, and much of the job has been about persuading (pinching) kids from one team into another or to arrange the re-grading of teams who are getting smashed into a lower division, where they might be more competitive.
As you obviously are well aware, coaches are in the people business, and it is often not pleasant. Whenever I see a parent bearing down on me I say to myself "right, here goes...".
I am constantly dreaming of a little holiday cottage we once rented on the Inishowen Peninsula in Ireland, overlooking nothing but ocean. The next landfall was New York, in fact. I would love to set up a studio there and work, drawing and writing, until I left this mortal coil. I wonder if Sir Alex Ferguson has similar thoughts?