When I walk along a pavement, and two policemen are walking towards me, my gait changes to a contrived stroll and I look around, whistling and waving at imaginary friends across the street. Sometimes I have to stop myself shouting "I was at home all night, watching television!" I have no idea why I feel like this. I've mentioned before that I behave in similar fashion when I approach airport scanners. My attempt to appear casual is so extreme that I've been known to slump to the ground just as I approach the silver doorway and the security people have to help me to my feet. My irrational guilt complex appears to be so severe that, in court, I'm sure I would confess to any charge that was put forward. And that's when I'm on the jury.
