Football

[Mince]

Hibernian, Kilmarnock, St Mirren, Motherwell, Dunfermline, Partick Thistle, Stenhousemuir are names that I know only because I had to sit through someone reading them out while waiting for Doctor Who to start.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

You may be struggling to find the places Hibernia and St Mirren on the map.

[Roger Kettle]

I've only heard of Doctor Who because it used to come on after the football results.

[Mince]

Did Doctor Who cheer you up after the usual Dundee United loss?

[Roger Kettle]

Not really. Daleks were more mobile than our forward line.

[Mince]

Of course, given that they can fly. And those sink plungers would be great for grasping balls.

[Roger Kettle]

Daleks can FLY? On the few occasions I've caught a glimpse of the programme, they've rumbled around the floor at two miles an hour.
I may have been influenced by a famous cartoon in Punch many years ago. It showed a group of Daleks standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs. One of them is saying something like "Well, that's our plan to rule the universe buggered. "

[Mince]

You're so behind the times, as is that joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKI3bjX3PNc

[Roger Kettle]

Good grief.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

The tragedy! The waste! So many redundant stairwells! 

[Mince]

It's a bit like St Johnstone. All those bins that each week go unemptied.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Listen, Matey - there's never any shortage of rubbish at McDiarmid Park!