Storms.

[Roger Kettle]

Who gets to name storms? More importantly, how do you apply for the job? The last two storms to hit the UK have been called Dudley and Eunice. This is pathetic. I mean, take "Eunice". Two thirds of this name consists of the word "nice". Who on earth is going to be concerned when told that Eunice is approaching? I'll start getting worried when Storm Genghis Khan is on its way. Or Storm Attila the Hun. Or Storm Armageddon. But "Eunice"? I'm more likely to prepare by making some cucumber sandwiches.
I want the storm-naming job and---given the current weather---I'll happily take it on for a tenner a go.

[Diane CBPFC]

I'm sure the person who gets the naming job, names them after in-laws and past dates that went badly wrong. 

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I think you may be looking at this from the wrong perspective, Roger. I suspect that the naming is consciously benign in order to deflect from the severity of the storm, and thereby reduce fear and panic. And with that in mind, I have begun taping up my windows and sandbagging the front door of my fourth floor flat in preparation for Storms Percival, Dolly and Everard.

[Mince]

I suspect that the naming is consciously benign in order to deflect from the severity of the storm

The names are not so much benign as wet-blouse girly, and inversely proportional to the severity.

I've heard that storm Tarquin might be the worst to come.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Let them Thundethighs roar!

[Mince]

Let them Thundethighs roar!

Thundethighs? I think you're talking out your r's.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I see what you did there.