Having Mince For Christmas Dinner.

[Mince]

You do know which is your left hand, don't you, Roger?

Roger's not a complete idiot. You tell him which is his right hand, and he works it out for himself.

What about that time he asked to phone a friend?

[The Peepmaster]

You do know which is your left hand, don't you, Roger?

Roger's not a complete idiot. You tell him which is his right hand, and he works it out for himself.

...he asked to phone a friend?

You've overlooked the obvious flaw.  :

[Roger Kettle]

Oh, girls, stop it! It's Christmas!

[Mince]

Yes, girls, stop it! He's having enough trouble with me and Peeps. And his left hand.

[The Peepmaster]

Quite right, Roger. We should put a stop to this merciless baiting...






until... isn't it January 7th most people start back?

[Roger Kettle]

Well, I'll be working tomorrow and then start again on Boxing Day but that's not the point. Are you really having goose on Christmas Day, Peeps? That's pretty impressive. I can just see you leaning out the window of your castle and shouting to a passing urchin "Get me the largest goose on Bute, boy! Here's a guinea and keep the change!"

[The Peepmaster]

You're just after the sympathy vote there, Roger! Yes, I've ordered a goose from the butcher. Picking it up tomorrow. Drove round the island today to enjoy the sunshine, and went past a field full of resting Greylags!

[Vulture]

Should we be calling Peeps "the Scroogester?"

[The Peepmaster]

Not sure if you can shoot Greylags anyway (or if they're edible).

[Roger Kettle]

Forgive me if I've told this story before. Absolutely true.
I grew up in the Highlands where it was common to go out and shoot your supper, particularly if you were a bit short of a bob or two. One of the great local characters had done exactly that but, unable to find anything straightforward like a rabbit or duck, he'd shot a swan. He talked about it the following night in the pub and his mate had reacted in horror.
" You can't shoot swans---they're protected!"
The answer, after a slight pause, was perfect.
" Well, they might be protected but they're not ******* bulletproof."

[peter]

When I was a young lad we had goose one year. My mother asked me to hold the pan whilst she took it out.
I dropped the pan on the floor and mother was left holding the goose with no place to put it.
Swearing at me for being so clumsy.
It took me five minutes to explain to her that as she had picked up the goose all the hot fat had run out onto my arm.
No sorry just her going on about being clumsy and look at the mess on the floor.