Official announcement. Kettle has given up and is no longer working.

[The Peepmaster]

The little blue light stays on, but it doesn't boil any water. Bloody nuisance. Now I'll have to buy a new one.

[Mince]

 

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Interesting euphemism, Peepsie.

I went to school with a Scott Chisholm (name unchanged to protect anyone with the name I might have changed it to). Smashing chap, and a great hockey player (represented Scotland many times), but English was never his strong point. I vividly recall the time we entered the classroom to fond the word "euphemism" chalked up on the blackboard. Chizz pondered for a couple of seconds before offering his wisdom to the rest of us. "That's that mercy killing, isn't it?"...

[The Peepmaster]

It did cross my mind to put "Kettle has died" as the headline, but that would have been crass and insensitive.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

And not like you at all, Peepsie.

[The Peepmaster]

I'd have been run out of town.

[Roger Kettle]

I must admit that my surname does lend itself to headlines. When I scored a hat-trick for my school football team, the local newspaper went with "KETTLE STEAMS IN WITH THREE". I think this was the first time I'd ever seen my name in print and, despite the awful pun, I kept the cutting for years. I also recall a match report from my youth that stated "Kettle was electric throughout"----a triumph of desperate journalism over reality. I was always pretty laid back as a footballer and, therefore, robbed the local sub-editors of "KETTLE BOILS OVER".

[Malc]

If you were PM and had successfully brokered a discussion with a certain communist dictator, the headline could read.

Pol Pot Calling Kettle Back