The importance of questioning orders by Antony Tomlinson, a review of The Evil Of The Daleks with Patrick Troughton as the doctor.
On Skaro, a group of black-headed Daleks stand before the throne of the Emperor Dalek, awaiting his orders. Eventually the giant, slightly phallic figure begins to speak...
EMPEROR: This is my new plan. We will try to discover the "Dalek Factor".
DALEK 1: What's that?
EMPEROR: I'm glad you asked. It is the characteristics that make Daleks what they are. It can be stored in a liquid.
DALEK 2: Are you sure? How can a series of personality traits be stored in a liquid? What is this liquid . . .? Is it the Dalek "soul" or something? Or ectoplasm? That's not really very scientific, is it?
EMPEROR: Silence - do not question my orders.
DALEK 1: How will we discover the Dalek factor?
EMPEROR: Good question. We have a device that can "record" the "factor" of any species.
DALEK 2: Oh good, so we'll just record the Dalek factor by pointing this device at a Dalek.
EMPEROR: Erm, no - for some reason we have to point it at a human first.
DALEK 2: Why?
EMPEROR: Do not ask questions (to be honest I don't know - ask one of our technicians - they're the red ones).
DALEK 1: So we'll just find a human, and point it at him.
EMPEROR: Not just any human - we'll point it at the companion of our arch enemy, who always foils our plans as soon as he turns up...
DALEK 2: Surely that's a stupid idea...
EMPEROR: Right, that's it - exterminate Dalek 2.
[Dalek 2 is killed].
EMPEROR: We will track down the Doctor and his companion - we believe that they can be discovered in the 20th Century.
DALEK 3: So, we'll go to the 20th Century.
EMPEROR: No, we'll go to the 19th Century, because even though we can travel in time, as we will frequently do in this story, some mad beardy bloke is doing some experiments with mirrors in the 19th Century.
DALEK 1: Right... erm, how will we control the humans there?
EMPEROR: We'll find a character that is totally superfluous to the plot, and we'll try to control his brain by putting a box in his coat pocket. Then we'll fail completely to control his mind and end up kidnapping people's daughters and promising to turn metal into gold instead.
DALEK 3: This is a stupid plan...
EMPEROR: Exterminate Dalek 3!
[Dalek 3 is dispatched]
EMPEROR: Where was I? Oh yes, then we'll track down the Doctor by nicking his TARDIS in the 20th Century, and luring him to an antique shop where there is a photo of him that he'll touch and get gassed, and then we'll take him to the 19th Century...
DALEK 4: OK...
EMPEROR: Once there, we'll get the companion to do a series of tasks, whilst getting the Doctor to record his "human factor". Then we'll make him put the human factor into three experimental Daleks.
DALEK 1: And I suppose we will then quickly destroy these three Daleks before they start questioning your orders and cause a Dalek revolution.
EMPEROR: No, we'll just lose track of them completely and allow them to mix in with all the other Daleks.
DALEK 4: Erm...
EMPEROR: Then we'll take everyone to Skaro, and try and "infect" the Doctor with the Dalek Factor which we've now got hold of somehow.
DALEK 1: Of course, the Doctor is not human. So, do we check that the Dalek Factor will affect non-humans in the same way that it affects humans?
EMPEROR: Nah...
DALEK 4: Oh for heaven's sake. This is a rubbish idea.
EMPEROR: I will not tolerate insolence!
[Dalek 4 is blown away].
EMPEROR: Anyway, we'll then get the Doctor to spread the Dalek factor around the universe in his TARDIS.
DALEK 1: Why don't we use our more reliable, and faster time machines, from The Chase and The Daleks' Master Plan?
EMPEROR: Oh I'd forgotten about them. We'll pretend we haven't got them.
DALEK 1: OK...
EMPEROR: Well, anyway, we'll finally leave the Doctor to roam around the place with his phial of human factor, and fail to put much of a guard around me.
DALEK 1: That's best part of the plan so far.
EMPEROR: What? Well, anyway, that's the idea. It is bound to work.
DALEK 1: [to self] This is the stupidest plan you've had since the one where you told us to hollow out the Earth and drive it around like a dodgem car.
EMPEROR: What?
DALEK 1: An excellent plan Emperor. I will carry out your orders straight away (I can't believe that this nonsense was written by the same man who wrote the terrific Power of the Daleks).
[Dalek 1 leaves to face his inevitable doom. The Emperor looks very pleased with himself. There is no way that the Doctor will defeat him this time...]
