The Perfect Christmas

[Mince]

So what is everyone's perfect Christmas?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Hogmanay.

[Mince]

For Tarks:

It's Christmas Day, and he's imagining reading To Kill A Mockingbird, with no actual intention of tackling such a large book, and flipping through the quotes in Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, occasionally wondering whether he could actually fly across the Forth Road Bridge. At his side is a takeaway menu from which he has ordered pepperoni pizza and chicken tikka masala. While waiting for the food, he is surviving on Kettle Chips.

He wonders whether to watch Hook on Channel 4 or Soylent Green on ITV, then goes for The Great Escape on the BBC.

Meanwhile, he drinks coffee while watching bits of a Robbie Williams concert on his tablet. When that is finished, he muses over M.A.S.H. and Cheers, but opts for Watercolour Challenge.

[Mince]

For Roger:

I see Roger reading a few chapters of Lonesome Dove, after having considered Down and Out in Paris and London, while either Jaws or Zulu on the television occasionally distracts him. He eats tuna with kidney beans and looks forward to a tandoori mixed grill later with a good beer and Drambuie. He wonders when he can next holiday in Montana, switches off the TV, puts on some music - The Who. He notices that Seinfeld and Bilko are on television and he has to choose between them. Or maybe a round of golf if it's not too frustrating, perhaps getting his third hole in one. He opens a Christmas present: "Adventures in the Screen Trade" and a CD of the Kinks. He smiles.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Is this some kind of Christmas Stalking app (see what I did there?).

[Roger Kettle]

Tarks, are those ambulances you ordered there yet?

[Mince]

Was I close?