The movie theater

[Diane CBPFC]

The movie theater

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.''

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?''

''Sam,'' the man moaned.

''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.

''The balcony.''

[Mince]

My students thought "The Balcony" was the name of the town where he lived.

[The Peepmaster]

I thought it was extremely funny, Diane. If I hadn't heard it before I'd have laughed out loud.



I'm here alone, so had I laughed, would I have made a sound....?

[Mince]

Only philosophically.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I didn't laugh (only because I'd heard it before - nothing wrong with the joke), but I did breathe a short sniff of recognition through my nostrils whilst completely on my own.

And I heard that.

You can't hear your own laughter, Peepsie? Are you impaired?

[The Peepmaster]

And I heard that.

You can't hear your own laughter, Peepsie? Are you impaired?

Well, in that case I must have made a sound, because I was aware of my laughter.

I was thinking of the tree in the middle of a forest that falls, but because there's no-one there it doesn't make a sound. Although a stick-insect might hear it of course... or a ladybird...

[Roger Kettle]

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a noise?
Yes.
Any other life-riddles you need sorting?

[Mince]

The reason that is does not make a sound is that there are gangs of squirrels who lower the tree down using a series of pulleys.

(c) Bill Bailey

[Malc]

I've never subscribed to that tree-forest-sound philosophical conundrum, because since the electronic age we have been able to solve it by positioning a tape recorder next to a tree which we adjudge is just about to collapse, checking it every day until it does so, and then playing back the recording, thus verifying that the sound is created whether we are there to hear it or not.

[Mince]

Malc, in quantum theory, electrons and photons change their behaviour depending on how they are being observed. Perhaps the trees are making a sound only because they know a tape-recorder is nearby.

[Mince]

Look up "Schr?dinger's cat".

[Mince]

I want to go on record as being the first one to inject something serious into this board.

[The Peepmaster]

I think the point is there is only a sound if there is a receptacle - ear or tape-recorder, to record it.

[Roger Kettle]

The tree goes "splat". Absolutely, 100% "splat". What people don't know is that there is also cartoon writing of the word "splat" just above the fallen tree.

[Mince]

Precisely. The presence of a sound on a tape recorder does not rule out its absence in its absence.