Movie Reviews.

[Roger Kettle]

I thought it might be a nice idea to have a Movie Review Section here. Anyone who pops along to the cinema to see a film could pass on their thoughts to the rest of us. In these difficult financial times, we have to be careful not to waste our hard-earned cash on a complete and utter turkey. Okay, I'll start.
On my last visit to a cinema (honestly), I saw the newly-released "Crocodile Dundee". It was okay.

[The Peepmaster]

I saw Calamity Jane once. Some bird in a cowboy outfit wouldn't stop singing.

[Roger Kettle]

Peeps, why is it that all roads for you lead back to Doris Day?

[The Peepmaster]

Peeps, why is it that all roads for you lead back to Doris Day?

No - I was thinking what a great idea it was to have brief synopsises of movies, and I've seen loads (nearly 10) in my time. I then thought about eliminating the early dross first of all - the dead wood stage, as it were, and that then got me thinking...

[Diane CBPFC]

A lot of people don't know that you can get DVDs in by inter-library loan - ordering them from your home computer - and you can keep them for 1 to 3 weeks. I just borrowed McBeth in a couple of versions for my son who is studying it in school.

This week week we have out: RamboII; Rambo III (Rambo I is on the way); Oceans 13; For Your Consideration; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (load of crap); Volver; Disney's Cars and The Departed.

You can't go wrong with a deal like that even if you bought a big bag of peanuts, it would still be a pretty reasonably priced evening.

[Tom]

If ever you see 'Sphere' - steer clear! I couldn't even have a good sleep during it...!

[The Peepmaster]

Several years ago now, but I watched "Titanic" with a couple of young Chinese birds I knew at the time. I hope I'm not going to spoil things for anybody, but basically, the boat sinks, and that's that!

[Tom]

One film I did have a good sleep through, was 'Lord of the Rings'.

Nothing to do with the film, the cinema was very warm, and I was a bit fluey fluie full of flu and I just drifted off.

[Max]

Don't waste your time on Citizen Kane, the sledge did it. 

[Malc]

I don't go to see movies on the off-chance. I generally know when they're going to be bad, often by the title, the premise or the trailer.

The trailer is the best possible advert you can put out for your film, so if it consists of a couple of lame jokes and a car chase, you know that everything else in that movie is going to be b*llocks.

I went to see King Kong just because of the special effects, but the film was dreadful. Only people who have achieved spectacular dumbarse levels can make a fight between Kong and two Tyrannosaurus Rex seem boring. They were swinging on jungle vines down a ravine like trapeze artists, for god's sake, trying to chomp Kong.

Jack Black outran a stampeding herd of Brachiosaurs, whilst carrying his 1930s era tripod camera. Over a distance of what seemed a couple of miles!

It was all tosh. But the SFX were great.

[Diane CBPFC]

We watched The Departed last night - how "cheesy" was the ending (you will know just what I mean if you saw the last minute of the show) The director must think we are stupid - I guess I was to sit though two hours of low life violence - but at least I didn't pay to see it.  If Leo hadn't been in it I wouldn't have watched more than 10 mins.

[Bren]

I liked King Kong, but half way thought I suddenly realised it was only half way throught and I thought OMG, I'm ready to go home now!  I was hangin by the end.

I liked Sphere.

I got seasick in Lord of the Rings.  I arrived late and the only seats were about 10 feet from the screen.  The cameras panned around a lot and after abut 15 minutes I found I had to close my eyes when they did that so I didn't feel sick.  By the end of the film I felt really ill.

I've never seen a Doris Day film at the cinema.  I probably never will.

[Zesty White]

I was really disappointed with The Departed. I made the mistake of expecting a fraction of the hype to be justified. Oh and I'm not a prude, but there is only so much unnecessary bad language that a viewer can take. Every second word.

I watched Mr Brooks last night and I was quite impressed. I never used to like Kevin Costner but I thought he was very good in this and in Open Range. I wonder if he's just getting to an age where he seems believable in the parts he's playing.

[Malc]

I don't like bad language in films, or nudity or kissing. I should have been a Wee Free minister or an Imam.

In my personal life I like nudity, kissing and swearing, I swear a lot in the right company (never in front of ladies or kids) I do like naked women as a concept, and I especially like kissing girls, but seeing the stars on the screen in mouth to mouth combat...? Yeuch. It just seems so contrived.

I also have a thing about smoking in movies. I'm not on an anti smoking crusade here - all my family, mother, brothers and sisters smoke like chimneys, and I love them all. My dad was the only non-smoker, and he died of cancer (of the colon).

No, on the screen I hate seeing actors light up, because I strongly suspect that (secret) tobacco money is funding the movie.

Getting movies financed is the hardest thing in filmmaking, and even Spielberg has had to go overseas with his begging bowl to get finance from Europe and China. One of the great stars of the modern age got his start in Spaghetti westerns, there was no-one in the US who could finance the films that would have Eastwood as the star.

So I reckon Hollywood approaches cigarette makers like Philip Morris on a regular basis to secretly fund much of the crap that is coming out these days. The trade-off is that stars are obliged to smoke in the movies, and it's all Tinseltown's best kept secret (apart from the fact Cruise, Pitt, Jolie and De Caprio are gay). It's what made smoking popular in the first place, and the tobacco industry wants that back.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I don't like the silver screen smoking either, but only because it's one of the few things that still makes me want to light up (people in the street lighting up have the reverse effect). Oddly enough, scenes of a sexual nature do not have the same effect.

Ingrid Pitt is gay? I'm speechless!