My speech

[Mince]

Get them drunk with the wine, and then sell the crackers at $10 each.

[Diane CBPFC]

That is a better idea than your first Mince - now you're thinkin'!

[Diamond Lil]

Back to my movie quote quiz...I did say "answers on a postcard", bro, but you win anyway...the first prize of a hard boiled egg is on its way

[Malc]

You know what's good for raising money? Raffles.
Yes, employ a gentleman jewel thief to rob the audience's homes whilst they are at your meeting.

Also, a batchelor auction. A lot of the people in your target demographic are elderly women, perhaps widowed. They have a hard time cleaning the gutters and doing the garden at home.
Auction off a young man to be a slave for the day. A fifty year old will do. Get him stripped to the waist and baby oiled-up, fireman calendar style, perhaps holding pruning shears in a suggestive pose, put him on stage and watch the old biddy bids fly.

[Diane CBPFC]

You know what's good for raising money? Raffles.
Yes, employ a gentleman jewel thief to rob the audience's homes whilst they are at your meeting.

Also, a batchelor auction. A lot of the people in your target demographic are elderly women, perhaps widowed. They have a hard time cleaning the gutters and doing the garden at home.
Auction off a young man to be a slave for the day. A fifty year old will do. Get him stripped to the waist and baby oiled-up, fireman calendar style, perhaps holding pruning shears in a suggestive pose, put him on stage and watch the old biddy bids fly.

Thanks for the offer Malc - I will keep you in mind for the future.

[Diane CBPFC]

I am just about to go to bed ? but didn?t want you all to worry all day about how I did tonight at my speech.

There were a few hiccups. First off I pulled out a draft rather than the polished up speech and didn?t realize until I was about half way in. Then I could feel my face getting hot and red, and my hair go limp. Then I thought I would not have enough breath to both continue reading and live ? but still I carried on reading ? I?m a trooper like that. When I was finished the people clapped. That took me by surprise and I stood there shocked and looked at them like a deer in caught in headlights 'till I came to my senses.

I am available for corporate pep talks and  barmitsfers at a very reasonable rate.

[Malc]

Barmitsfers?

Just to avoid the attentions of Mossad in future, it's Bar Mitzvah.

Don't say I never tell yer nuthin'.

[Diane CBPFC]

I thought it was two words but couldn't spell it to look it up. It was a catch 22.

[Colin]

That took me by surprise and I stood there shocked and looked at them like a deer in caught in headlights 'till I came to my senses.

Now you know how that poor moose felt when you were pelting it with snowballs 

[Fyodor]

No need for a Bikini atoll, Diane.