"Getting to know me..."

[The Peepmaster]

I went into a bar next door to a small hotel we had booked into, and immediately some young girls started rubbing up against me. I made a hasty exit. Well, not immediately - I didn't want to appear rude.

[Malc]

Billthehut, I dread to ask this, as you are almost the same age as me, but were you an army brat, and if so, where did you go to school, and where in Dorset do you now reside?

[Bilthehut]

You got me. Yes, I was an army brat. Before signing up, I've lived in Singapore, Paderborn, Tidworth, Ashford, Limassol, Weeton Camp (Kirkham Grammar), Herford (Kings School, Gutersloh), Munster (Edinburgh School), Thirsk (Welbeck), Bulford, Camberley.
I now live north of Bournemouth.

[Jack]

This topic officially breaks the forum's record for use of brackets (probably, I haven't actually checked).

[Bilthehut]

But does the sentence make sense - and is it understandable or readable?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

And (crucially) do we care?

[Malc]

I thought so. My campaign ribbons read, Malta, Cyprus (Limassol) Herford (Ulmenstrasse), Larkhill, (Wiltshire), Barme, Verden, Prince Rupert's (Wilhelmshaven) Windsor Boys (Hamm),  Blandford Forum (Dorset).

You're not one of the Surrey Billthehuts, by any chance...?

[Bilthehut]

OK.  Now we're talking... When in Limassol? When in Blandford (I'm currently working from the on Dad's Army site there).

Don't know what you mean by one of the Surrey bilthehuts.  Have lived in Surrey a number of times but no relations (or  roots) there.

Have we met? I'm sure I don't owe you any money!

[Malc]

Forget the Surrey Billthehuts, it's a gag. Like there's anyone called Billthehut in Surrey or anywhere.... 

Limassol when I was little, maybe 1959 (from 3yrs to 6yrs old) Blandford Forum (Blandford Camp, mostly) from 1973 to 1975.

[Bilthehut]

See, I still take things literally.  You might have known I'd lived there (Camberley was a clue).

Limassol has changed considerably since yours and my time (1965-66).  Dad was in the UN at Zyyig Camp.

Blandford Camp will be unrecognisable now.

For Herford, read 'I lived in Enger, near Herford (1969 - remembered 'cos I was watching the moon after Neil made his 'one small step'.

[Vulture]

Bilthehut, just clarify something for me: are you 'Bil the hut' or 'Bill the hut'? Malc is driving me mad!

[Malc]

I forgot to mention my dad was actually POSTED to Glasgow. I lived in Maryhill from about '67 to '69. He took me to my first day at Shakespeare Rd Primary School dressed in his full recruiting sergeant regalia (including red sash) just as the whole f*cking school was lining up to go into the building. They all started goosestepping around and I had a fight every playtime for a year.

When the first man landed on the moon I had my head in my mother's lap as she checked me for nits.

[Bilthehut]

Vulture,

Split the trigram, ignore the middle one (it's a red herring), replicate the last letter of the first first one, and add 157 Stone 6.62 Pounds (in metric to the end of the last one, and you have my name.

Malc,

I didn't have that problem, thankfully, until I was sent to Kirkham GC.  I was the only one from Weeton who passed the 11+, and had a taxi ride every day to school.  The school was awful, apart form some of the meals.  When my dad was posted to Germany the following year, I was asked whether I wanted to stay at Kirkham as a boarder, or come to Germany.  There was no competition.  It was great being in schools where all the kids know what the forces were about, and the problems of making friends.  Sadly, I have lost touch with them all over time due to constantly moving around. 

[Vulture]

Vulture,

Split the trigram, bil the hut
ignore the middle one bil the hut
 (it's a red herring), No, it's not. It's 'the'
replicate the last letter of the first first one, l
 and add 157 Stone 6.62 Pounds ( ? in metric to the end of the last one, and you have my name.

You're taking the 'p', aren't you?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Bill Hut(ton) - no, he's not.