Highway code.

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

I'm sure I have a page missing from my old highway code book. It's the page that tells you when you are allowed to Taser cyclists. I believe the rule stated that:

"When approaching a junction and the light is red, a cyclist(s) may be Tasered, through the open passenger window (by the driver or nominated passenger), if:

1. The cyclist(s) has passed you several times in traffic, and caused you to slow down and overtake him more than thrice times.
2. The cyclist(s) has been part of a group that has taken up more than the inner 2ft of road, which is clearly marked for cycle use by the liberal spreading of potholes and raised stanks.
3. The cyclist(s) is wearing skin-tight, hi-vis, club racing gear that falsely gives the impression that they may, at some point, cycle at more than 6.36 mph...downhill.

Drivers should also note that should any cyclist(s) lean against the drivers car at any junction, or when stopped in traffic, genital Tasering is allowed, but only in bursts of two."


Any ideas? I feel I need to brush up on the rules in case I get a dig by the police. It's to be sunny again tomorrow and my Taser is crackling away in the kitchen as we speak.

[Jack]

You left out the section about cyclists who leave the road and ride on the pavement when they come to a red light, rejoining the road on the other side.

[Diane CBPFC]

You left out the section about cyclists who leave the road and ride on the pavement when they come to a red light, rejoining the road on the other side.

But wouldn’t that involve getting out of your car to chase them? Surly that’s not right.

[Jack]

No, it isn't right - You wait for the lights to change, then get them as you're forced to drive past them once again.

Oh, and don't call me surly. Or Shirley.

[Diane CBPFC]

Talking about driving.

My daughter turns 14 in just over 3 weeks. In Canada, children can drive on the highways at 14 years old as a "learner" driver - they can't drive by themselves until they are 16 (and pass a test) - but even so, 14 is pretty young to be zipping in and out of traffic, avoiding moose and knowing how to get out of an icy spin don't you think.

[Jack]

It does seem odd that you can be deemed too young to watch certain films, too young to purchase alcohol or tobacco, to young to engage in certain natural biological activities, and still be several years away from being old enough to purchase a lottery ticket... but you ARE old enough to be in control of a large metal vehicle capable of travelling at 100mph and is potentially fatal to yourself and others given the slightest mistake.

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

Talking about driving.

My daughter turns 14 in just over 3 weeks. In Canada, children can drive on the highways at 14 years old as a "learner" driver - they can't drive by themselves until they are 16 (and pass a test) - but even so, 14 is pretty young to be zipping in and out of traffic, avoiding moose and knowing how to get out of an icy spin don't you think.

Your right Diane, it is too young to be dealing with all that. Let her practise by aiming for cyclists whilst she is learning and by the time she passes her test, the roads will be quieter and safer for everyone.   

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

You left out the section about cyclists who leave the road and ride on the pavement when they come to a red light, rejoining the road on the other side.

These are the people that those "shoot-out-the-charge" type Tasers were developed for. I wonder if ebay sell them?   

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

They don't.

On a more positive note, YouTube show you how to make them. God bless the internet.