Come Scotland's Independence from the rest of Outer Scotnolia, (as I shall be demanding we call the rest of below Scotland), I have decided that this forum may have a great part to play in the defining of our new set-up. Here is my top ten appeals to Laird Salmond, ra Furst. Feel free to add your own.
1. Pot holes will never be repaired, so they must be utilised. Anyone who has a pot hole outside their house, must plant a crop in them. Wheat, barley and lily's (for those, *ahem* lighter on their feet) are perfectly ideal.
2. Pets, especially dogs, may only be named after Scottish heroes. RobRoy, Wallace, RabbieBurns, JoeJordan...that sort of thing. There will be NO pets called Sampson, Killer, Ripper, Bladecatcher or AllyMcLeod. In fact, no-one will be called Ally McLeod again. Ever.
3. Due to the absolute glut of oil that will burst forth from the North Sea, cars will de developed to run on crude. Chip shops will deep fry in crude, and indeed so much will there be that anyone not using at least 3000 barrels a year will be called Scotnolian and thrown from Salmonds Wall, as the new border defence will be called.
4. I deference to our "mither-tongue", any paragraph must contain Mc or Mac at least 3 times.
5. In our new role as a major player in renewable energy supply to those in need, many new Mcwind farms will be commissioned. These will be located in all Macbeauty spots, to keep the tourists (now to be known as "guid-wallets") down to a Mcminimum (do do ..do do dooo....Mcminimum do do do doooooooo).
6. Guid-wallets may visit as Mcmany times a year as they wish, but shall not be allowed to purchase anything. Instead, at the Mcborder, there will be a donation tin into which they must donate at least a hundredweight of our new currency, the "Fluff". It is expected after only a year in Mcpower, that many true Scots will see the amount of Fluff in their pockets, rise tenfold thanks to Laird Salmond ra Furst.
7. To defend our rights, Mcsnake belts will be collected from all attics and wardrobes country wide, and will be joined and linked. These belts will then be stretched around coastal fishing areas, to clearly mark our Macterritory. Should any foreign fishing Mcvessel stray into our waters, one link will be loosened and then McGod help them.
8. Weaving will become a MacHigher subject at school. Girls will be taught how to weave everything from shawls to carpets to Mctractors. Boys will learn also, with fag packet covers and Buckfast coolers anticipated in the Mccurriculum. School may not be compulsory as their may not be any light during the winter months, due to excellent electricity sales being envisaged.
9. TV will now be known as the "McLogie Wogie Boogie Box". It will have two channels, one will show programmes, the other will not. Its the MacDevils work anyway and may not work also, due to excellent electricity Mcsales being envisaged.
10. Finally, in honour of Laird Salmond ra Furst, at 11am every day, the Macmasses will be called to Mcprayer and will bow low and chant the new Scottish mantra..."ohyabassahowyeconnedusohyabassahowyeconnedus", before raising aloft a Macgesticulation, as yet unannounced.
Any Mctakers?
