You're playing all the wrong notes

[Malc]

Or you don't have speakers.

My money's on you having your speaker jackplug in the wrong hole at the back of the box. Modern computers have sound cards as standard. Very different in my day....why, way back in....ooh, 2000 I think it was, you had to buy a sound card separately, and if you didn't know how to install it you took it to a computer shop where a spotty, supercilious young git, hardly old enough to shave, would throw a disgusted look, then patronise and humiliate you.

It's a terrible thing, killin' a man.

[Diamond Lil]

Thanks for that...I'll investigate the jack plug system later on...if I do it now, before a hot shower and lots of glucosamine, my back will probably seize up and I'll have to spend the rest of the day under my desk

[peter]

Thanks for that...I'll investigate the jack plug system later on...if I do it now, before a hot shower and lots of glucosamine, my back will probably seize up and I'll have to spend the rest of the day under my desk

Worried
Not heard from Lil for over twenty four hours
Is she still stuck under the desk
Can she reach a phone
Is any body there.
Help

[Mince]

Lil, if you're stuck under the desk, give us a sign. Just make a post - it doesn't have to make sense at all. Just reach up and bang on the keyboard.

[Mince]

Lil, I am going to send a blast of noise through your computer speakers. If you hear it, attach a microphone to the input socket, install the new Microsoft Hi5 Live Virtual Microphone and Modem Driver 2.3 (the Beta Version), and tell me. We'll go from there.

[Malc]

Woman Concussed In Desk Horror

[Diamond Lil]

zxccccccccccvmbnnnnnnnbvmnnnnnnnnnnnnn,.<>>??<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[Mince]

Have you installed the microphone driver? "Hello. Hello. Testing 1 2 3." I'm not getting anything.

Can you see the monitor screen at all?

[Malc]

My monitor screen has never worked.
I installed it in about 2003 and I keep getting monitors.

[Mince]

That's freeware for you.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Have you tried switching it off at the wall?

[Malc]

Is that the firewall? Where is it? I'm not very good at this.

[peter]

Have you tried switching it off at the wall?

Or switched it on

[Mince]

Is that the firewall? Where is it? I'm not very good at this.

Don't tell me you've set fire to your wall. It's all those monitors overheating. Get rid of some of them.

[Roger Kettle]

zxccccccccccvmbnnnnnnnbvmnnnnnnnnnnnnn,.<>>??<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

You may have noticed from my sister's reply that she could only reach the bottom line of the keyboard. When I rang her, she managed to kick the phone off the receiver and chat for a while. She seems fine. I admit it was all a bit muffled but, as I'm watching the golf at the moment, I said I'd call back tomorrow.