Okay, I'll give it a try. I don't know if I'll fit in or not.
The Legend of Tarquin
There once was a lad named Tarquin
Who suddenly fell apart when
He gazed at his thighs,
Which had tripled in size
So he covered himself in a tarpaulin.
Shy was this young man called Tarquin
His love life he wanted to start again.
Girls thought him a prude,
Cause he hid in the nude,
And just skipped on the old rutting-hart sin.
A desperate young man named Tarquin,
Decided to dress as a Harlequin.
As Thunderthighs the Third,
He got him a bird,
Until she did find him a charlatan.
A sad young man named Tarquin
Was dismayed at all the depart din.
He looked at his thighs -
They'd decreased by a size -
More meals he would have to start then.
A despairing old dude called Tarquin
Was sitting home drawing his art when
The sketch that he drew,
Pot-bellied, tis true,
Was the pig who had stolen his heart again.
This poor little man named Tarquin
Felt he'd been hit with a dart then.
He cried and he prayed;
He suddenly swayed,
And remembered their first-meet in the mart-pen.
A worried old guy named Tarquin
Was sadly in lack of a car when
He realized his fate
Was to constantly wait
On the love of that porkish old tart then.
He dreamed of his life this Tarquin,
With the aid of a glass of part gin.
The liquor it flowed -
He thought he'd explode -
When he saw he'd become an old fart then.
