Joke

[The Peepmaster]

A son ask his mother why are girls wedding dresses are white.
His mother replies that this shows her relatives and friends that the she is pure.
The son thanks his mother and then goes to his father for a second option.
The son asked his father why girls get wed in white.
His father thinks and replies " All kitchen appliances come in white."

That's my kind of joke! 

I was watching the Martin Clunes "Doc Martin" last night. First time I've ever seen it, and it was quite amusing. One line made me laugh out loud, even when I thought back to it later:

The Dr was attending to a policeman who'd passed out. They were both in irritated mode, and whilst reviving him, the Dr held a hand up and said "How many fingers?". The copper replied "What's it to you?"

It doesn't look funny now, but I howled with laughter.

[Fyodor]

Man goes into a cake shop. Points to a cake and asks the price.

Baker says,"A pound".

Man asks for prices of several other cakes and get the same answer, "A pound".

Man finally chooses a cake and the baker says, "That's two pounds, please".

Man says, "Two pounds? How come all the others are only one pound".

"Ah", says the baker, "That's Madeira Cake".

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

 


So he points to another item and enquires, "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?"

To which the baker responds, "No, you're right - it's a doughnut."

[peter]

A son was getting married and ask his Father for advise.
His father replied that when he got married as soon as he took his new wife to the bedroom he took his trouser off and ordered the wife to put them on. She did but she replied that they were to big for her and the man replied, "Remember that from now on I wear the trousers around this house."
The son took this advise and did the same when he got married.
But after giving her his trousers and telling her he wore the trousers around the house the Bride took off her knickers and told the son to put them on.
He tried but said he could not get into them as they were to small.
The woman said and you wont get into them with a attitude like that.

[Fyodor]

More of an old chestnut than a doughnut, Tarks, I fear.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

More of an old chestnut than a doughnut, Tarks, I fear.

A classic is a classic, Fydo.

[Fyodor]

Man goes into a baker's and asks for a cream cake.
The assistant says, "The cream cakes are all gone."
"Crazy," says the man, "I'll have two."
Now we're talking classic, Tarks.
I told that to a mate from Perth may years ago. He went home at the weekend and on the Monday announced that none of his Perth friends had laughed at the joke.
Knowing him, I got him to tell the joke back to me.
'Man goes into a baker's and asks for a cream cake.
The assistant says, "There's none left."
"Crazy," says the man, "I'll have two."'
A classic or a thing of its time?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

[/i]

Man goes into a baker's and asks for a cream cake.
The assistant says, "The cream cakes are all gone."
"Crazy," says the man, "I'll have two."
Now we're talking classic, Tarks.
I told that to a mate from Perth may years ago. He went home at the weekend and on the Monday announced that none of his Perth friends had laughed at the joke.
Knowing him, I got him to tell the joke back to me.
'Man goes into a baker's and asks for a cream cake.
The assistant says, "There's none left."
"Crazy," says the man, "I'll have two."'
A classic or a thing of its time?

Er...whilst Mince tries to understand my earlier classic, and whilst I was born in Glasgow...I lived in Perth from the age of 4 until 43.

Whit???

[peter]

Er...whilst Mince tries to understand my earlier classic, and whilst I was born in Glasgow...I lived in Perth from the age of 4 until 43.

Whit???

What Classic joke was this. I have not laft lately.

[Roger Kettle]

Tarks, it would have helped if Fyodor had told you this gag dates back from the early sixties and the man who enters the bakery is a beatnik.
Beatnik: Can I have a cake, please.
Baker: The cakes are all gone.
Beatnik: Crazy, man, I'll have two!

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Thanks, Roger - I did consider that thought, but then dismissed it as being not even remotely as funny as the meringue gag.

[Vulture]

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 (True Story) MORAL - Don't mess with old people!!

[peter]

Now that is great. Will remember if I need the police.

[Fyodor]

Thanks, Roger - I did consider that thought, but then dismissed it as being not even remotely as funny as the meringue gag.

That's what you say!

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Thanks, Roger - I did consider that thought, but then dismissed it as being not even remotely as funny as the meringue gag.

That's what you say!

Without hesitation.