What Would Make a Great Xmas Present for a Cowboy?

[The Peepmaster]

Imagine you're Horace. What would you most like to wake up to on Christmas Day?

[Mince]

Being real rather than a cartoon character.

[Roger Kettle]

Imagine you're Horace. What would you most like to wake up to on Christmas Day?

The news that my creator had just won 5 million quid on the lottery.

[The Peepmaster]

Yeah, but would Andrew give any to you?

[Roger Kettle]

Sometimes you can be really hurtful, Peeps. Okay, on the outside, I'm still smiling but, inside, I'm crying a river.

[The Peepmaster]

I'd bung you a tenner.

[Roger Kettle]

Okay.

[Malc]

Imagine you're Horace. What would you most like to wake up to on Christmas Day?

I think a cowboy would like to wake up to a nice handsome other cowboy on Christmas day, if Broke Back Mounting is anything to go by.

Only kidding, Horace would like to wake up to a gift-wrapped beautiful saloon girl, with golden hair and purdy lips.

And big knockers.

[Malc]

True story.
A friend of ours is a rather nice-looking blonde woman with a great figure.
She told us of one Christmas when she decided she'd greet her husband on christmas eve by lying under the christmas tree wearing nothing but a big red bow wrapped around her middle.

He got home but didn't see her, and as he entered, the phone rang, so he took the call.  It was his mother, and he was on the phone for an hour and a half.
She lay there the whole time, waiting for him to notice her. She eventually gave up and had a bath to get rid of the pine needles.

She told the story in such a matter of fact way, with her husband present (and looking sheepish), and it was effing hilarious.

[Roger Kettle]

My wife has just come in and I asked her what she would do if she found me naked under the Christmas tree with a ribbon round my waist. "Laugh and step over" is not really what you want to hear.

[Colin]

My wife has just come in and I asked her what she would do if she found me naked under the Christmas tree with a ribbon round my waist. "Laugh and step over" is not really what you want to hear.

You should be glad she didn't say "the turkey looks over cooked this year".

[Malc]

"Laugh and step over" is not really what you want to hear.

Women, with their little mind games....you KNOW she wants you. Take a tip from an expert in the art of love. Cook her a romantic meal. Sausages and meatballs, arranged in the shape of male genitalia is a winner.
Women can't resist that combination of desperation and rank stupidity, especially when you're all they've got and there's nothing better coming down the pipe any time soon.

[Vulture]

"Laugh and step over" is not really what you want to hear.

Women, with their little mind games....you KNOW she wants you. Take a tip from an expert in the art of love. Cook her a romantic meal. Sausages and meatballs, arranged in the shape of male genitalia is a winner.
Women can't resist that combination of desperation and rank stupidity, especially when you're all they've got and there's nothing better coming down the pipe any time soon.

Believe it or not, we can!

[The Peepmaster]

My wife has just come in and I asked her what she would do if she found me naked under the Christmas tree with a ribbon round my waist. "Laugh and step over" is not really what you want to hear.

Her saying "That reminds me, I must defrost the chipolatas" would have hurt you more, Roger.

[Mince]

Women, with their little mind games....you KNOW she wants you. Take a tip from an expert in the art of love. Cook her a romantic meal. Sausages and meatballs, arranged in the shape of male genitalia is a winner.
Women can't resist that combination of desperation and rank stupidity, especially when you're all they've got and there's nothing better coming down the pipe any time soon.