I was actually a handy player, but you have to take my word for it. You've heard this story a hundred times, so here's 101...
I picked up so many injuries from playing in crap leagues and works football, etc, that I was half crippled by the time I got into my mid 20s.
Scottish leagues (whether works, Sunday or Junior football) are terrible. I was a winger, and I played in games where the spectators kicked me.
My worst injury was inflicted on me by my own goalkeeper, who smashed my leg sideways tearing ligaments in my right knee. I was about 25 then, so in no danger of pursuing a high paying pro career, but whatever future I had was gone.
My brother Ian was on Kilmarnock's books, but threw it all away in a Gazza-like obsession with booze and stupid stunts (like playing with his mates for the Cross Keys pub on a Sunday) and getting involved in Saturday night brawls.
The highest sporting achiever in my family was my niece Claire, who as a schoolgirl played for Scotland. My niece Fiona (who has cerebral palsy and is a wheelchair user) represents Australia in the game of bocce.
Let's hear it for the girls!