Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Diane CBPFC on November 15, 2011, 01:47:24 PM
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Just imagine, against everything that we have been led to believe for the past 25 years of reading the Beau Peep strip, that Santa (Father Christmas) is not a mean old git for not giving Dennis his much requested bike for Christmas, but suppose instead Santa, in his infinite wisdom, knew something terrible (BUT funny!) would happen if Dennis had ever got his hands on a bike and that is the reason why
the mean old git wonderful old gentleman never delighted Dennis with a shiny new bike on Christmas morning.
Tell us the story of what would have happened had Dennis been given a bike. You can write it as a story or draw it as a cartoon strip (stick figures okay) or even express your story through modern dance via Youtube. Extra points will once again be award for those incorporating Brussels sprouts into their story – it is Christmas after all.
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1. When is the closing date?
2. Can I perform it on ice?
3. Can you have more than one entry?
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3. Can you have more than one entry?
If you're a woman, yes.
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We'll make the closing date the 30th of November. Hopefully, this will allow me time to get the prize to the winner by Christmas. I have no idea what the prize is yet but will let you know in the next week or two.
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3. Can you have more than one entry?
If you're a woman, yes.
Peeps, you're not very good at anatomy, are you?
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1. When is the closing date? As Roger said, November 30, 2011
2. Can I perform it on ice? No.
3. Can you have more than one entry? Yes, you can enter as many times as you like until it becomes annoying - then you will be cut off.
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You might have made a spelling mistake here, Diane,
1. When is the closing date? As Roger said, November 30, 2011
2. Can I perform it on ice? No.
3. Can you have more than one entry? Yes, you can enter as many times as you like until it becomes annoying - then you it will be cut off.
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Shakes head.
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Dennis: Look. I've got a new bike for Christmas.
Beau: Great, I'll just borrow it to pop into town.
Dennis: No you wont.
Beau: Yes I will.
Dennis: No you won't
Beau: Yes I will.
Dennis: No you won't
Beau: Yes I will.
Dennis: No you won't
Beau: Yes I will.
Dennis: I'll punch you.
Beau: Just try it
Dennis: I'll punch you, AND stick a brussels sprout where the sun don't shine.
Beau: You and whose army?
Dennis: Me and mine
(Beau kicks new bike).
Dennis: You kicked my bike!
Beau: (Nonchalantly) Did I?
Dennis: Yes you did. That's new, that bike is. You're really for it now.
(Beau kicks new bike again).
Dennis: Stop kicking my bike.
Beau: What bike? This bike? (Kicks bike again)
Dennis: Yes, that's the bike. You kicked it again! Santa brought me that bike. If he was here, I'd tell him!
Beau: Well he's not here, is he?
Dennis: No. I expect he'll have gone back to the North Pole.
Beau: Right, I'm off to town.
Dennis: Not on my bike you're not.
Beau: Okay, I'll get a bus. But I won't forget your lack of generosity on this occasion.
Dennis: Don't care. Can you get me some sweeties in town?
Beau: *%!* off. You wouldn't let me use your bike. Get your own sweeties.
Dennis: Only 'cos it's new and the novelty hasn't work off yet.
Beau: That's understandable I suppose. catch you later.
Dennis: Happy Christmas.
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I get the feeling there's a strong autobiographical influence in all of that, Peepsie?
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Good grief. Is it too late to change this to a "how many jelly beans are in a jar" contest?
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42
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Right answer, had the question been - what # was my son in football this year.
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/306430_10150411994499761_545294760_8158249_1037796575_n.jpg)
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I assume Peepmaster's entry is invalid because you said:
Tell us the story of what would have happened had Dennis been given a bike. You can write it as a story or draw it as a cartoon strip (stick figures okay) or even express your story through modern dance via Youtube.
It's none of those.
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I assume Peepmaster's entry is invalid because you said:
Tell us the story of what would have happened had Dennis been given a bike. You can write it as a story or draw it as a cartoon strip (stick figures okay) or even express your story through modern dance via Youtube.
It's none of those.
You assume wrong - Peepmaster can do what he likes. Just because he's the Peepmaster. 8)
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I think I've won, seeing as there haven't been any other entries...
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I think you have as well, though I claim bias as the reason.
I ought to see if I can get my money back for the hiring of the skating rink.
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I've done my entry in binary:
001010101010001
010001010101111
011111010101010
000001111111111
I found the last line hilarious but a bugger to rhyme.
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Or haiku:
For Christmas a bike
He sprouted with deadly hope
Did he get it - nope!
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If Peepmaster can do a "play script", then so can I.
EGON: Hey, Dennis, I made you a bike.
DENNIS: Yippee, at last, a bike for Christmas. I almost thought that destiny had preordained that Santa would never give me a bike in case it led to some kind of mental or physical catastrophe or deep lasting trauma that would ultimately dwarf any small pleasure I might get out of receiving it. So that I don't get my hopes up too much that this is all to change, and given your awful track record with even the most basic culinary endeavours, may I first enquire what you made my bike out of?
EGON: Brussel sprouts.
DENNIS: Excellent! What does the bell sound like?
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Dennis wouldn't say "dwarf".
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Was this an awful quiz question?
I could think of a different activitiy if you would like.
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Oh, I see. First I hire an ice-rink, only to be told I can't do it on ice. Now my other two entries are going for naught with the competition closed. >:(
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Maybe we could just keep it on ice till next year. ;D
See what I did there? 8)
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They could make a TV programme about Mince and his ice-rink. Maybe call it "Dunce on Ice". See what I did there?
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I think I might enter this year----I could win it.
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I think I might enter this year----I could win it.
Personally, I think an ellipsis would have been better than those hyphens.
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Another entry:
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You spelt Brussels sprout wrong.
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And another:
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It's a gift you have, Mincey, a gift.
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Mop up the sarcasm dripping from those words, please.
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Why is that sarcastic? So far, you're winning!
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Is the prize in fact 20lbs of fresh Brussels sprouts as it has been rumoured?
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£100 will do.
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Per entry.
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It could be that the activity was too hard this year - if so I'm sorry for ruining your run of good xmas contests Roger.
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It's easy! It was a good competition.
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It could be that the activity was too hard this year - if so I'm sorry for ruining your run of good xmas contests Roger.
Give it time, Diane. I'm sure there will be a rush of entries in the next ten days! The prize will be twenty Scottish pounds and some form of signed Beau Peep artwork (I'll have to check what's lying around).
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Let's just hope that the price of Brussel sprouts does not exceed one Scottish pound per pound then as I may have raised hopes.
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Why is that sarcastic? So far, you're winning!
Actually, he's disqualified for persistently spelling "Brussels sprout" incorrectly, even after he was told the right spelling!
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Sorry I'm late. So - what is it we have to do, again?
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It's simple. Anyone wishing to enter the competition has to apply to me by PM for permission, and a "Permission PM" is granted within 10 to 15 working days.
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Why don't we replace the competition with a spot-the-obvious-spelling-error-in-Peeps'-long-and-rambling-post competition? I've saved the thread so even if he changes it I still have it.
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I know I missed a capital letter. I don't pretend to be omnipotent.
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Sorry I've not been round for a bit, but I do like to enter these Christmas competitions. I hope it's not too long, boring, unseasonal, and has a little humour in it...
Dennis awoke with the familiar weight upon his ankles, bulky but not very heavy. The fort was silent apart from a quiet shuffling sound that was coming from the study down the hall.
“Father Christmas..!” He said, in an urgent whisper. He shot out of his bed quicker than he had ever got up before, glancing only at the clock on the wall as he raced out of his room. 5.30am.
Quietly, he tiptoed into the study, which was ablaze with colour due to the amazing decorations that had been put up this year. In the fireplace a huge log fire roared. And, standing, or rather, leaning, by the Christmas Tree in the corner was a familiar figure in red.
Father Christmas turned around to face Dennis.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!” he bellowed, surprising Dennis who quickly brought his fingers to his lips and shushed Father Christmas before he even realised what he was doing.
Dennis waved quickly and pretended he had sneezed.
“Hello, Father Christmas,” Dennis was very excited now. “Have you brought me my bicycle this year?”
“Ho! Ho! Ho!” laughed Father Christmas, and he held out his hand, gesturing Dennis to come closer to him. Dennis noticed with awe a small square parcel, festively decorated in red and green magically appear in the palm of Father Christmas’ mitten.
Dennis trotted over gleefully and snatched the parcel out of Father Christmas’ hand, although he was thinking “This doesn’t look much like a bicycle to me.”
“Ho! Ho! Ho!” boomed Father Christmas, this time inside Dennis’ head. “Open it and see”
Dennis flipped the lid on the parcel and he was sprayed full in the face with a strange silver and gold powder. He blinked to remove the glitter from his eyes, and noticed the room around him had become sepia in colour. In front of him, where Father Christmas had been stood, was now a bicycle. A Penny-farthing in fact...
Luckily for Dennis, there were also stabilisers on the small back wheel, and it took him six attempts to get onto the seat. Once he managed this, he wobbled out of the study, along the corridor, out through the door, and outside, into the street (which was also sepia coloured, but also covered in snow).
“That’s odd...” thought Dennis, but he continued riding never-the-less. This side of the fort had been transformed into a Dickensian street, with people who were dressed as though they had just stepped out of an olde worlde greeting card. They’d walk by and nod at Dennis, or say a cheery “Merry Christmas!” A choir was singing the Twelve Days of Christmas at the end of the road. No, Dennis realised. It wasn’t a choir. It was only the biggest rock band of all time, the group he’d been saving for years to see. Po Beep and the Fortunes.
Dennis was on his Penny-farthing and beside himself at the same time!
Suddenly, the lead singer of the group spotted him, and called him over.
“Dennis!” waved Po. “Come and join us! We need another member to join our merry band!”
“Me” trilled Dennis. He noticed the crowds all gathering around. He noticed them all cheering, waving, and seemingly coming in from miles around. Beaming, he Penny-farthed over to the band and wobbled. He fell. He landed on top of the drummer, Noge. Noge was a beast of a drummer, but he looked very small beneath Dennis. Noge was also stuck inside his drum, and couldn’t move.
“Sorry” Dennis said sheepishly. As he stood up, he found he’d had his arm caught up in a cable. He tugged firmly, and heard a crackle, followed by a yell. He followed the cable to the electric guitar, and the smoking figure of its strummer, General Esk-Ah Go. The General’s face blackened with the electric shock, and reddened with anger, was not a good look.
“Oops” Dennis realised he was making a hash of the whole thing. He looked up, and saw the fourth member of the band, Sane Pierre, running off over the hills in the distance, taking his triangle with him.
“Ah” Dennis was now flustered. His Penny-farthing was buckled. The band was broken, and the crowd were now baying.
“Dennis!” Shouted Po Beep. “You must now sing with us, before things get any uglier!”
“I can’t sing” Dennis moaned.
“Sing!” shouted Po.
“Sing!” shouted Esk-Ah Go.
“Sing” ordered a voice from the crowd. Dennis looked over and saw a vision of beauty before his eyes. A certain someone of the Seven Veils...
He grabbed the microphone, and warbled a sound that words would never describe.
The crowd went wild. Foaming at the mouths, they picked up whatever they could find to throw at the band. Missiles were everywhere. Dennis looked around to see that the band had disappeared, and left him all alone. He kicked his leg out to run away himself.
A Brussels Sprout hit him squarely on the forehead.
He blinked.
He was in his room. The gift that Beau had left at the foot of his bed was now all over the room, scattered by the force of Dennis’ kick. Brussels Sprouts were all around his head, on the pillow, over the floor and even in the bed.
He saw Beau standing in the doorway.
“Merry Christmas, Dennis!” He boomed with all the festive spirit he could muster. “Come to the canteen... there’s a parcel waiting for you!”
“No, thanks,” Grumbled Dennis, “I’ve gone off the idea of owning a bike now” He turned over, and drifted back to sleep.
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I know I missed a capital letter. I don't pretend to be omnipotent.
With you there, Peepsie. I'm not inflammable either.
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(http://i44.tinypic.com/2nsumhh.jpg)
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(http://i44.tinypic.com/2nsumhh.jpg)
Ahh, makes me feel like buying some salad dressing.
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Here's another entry:
_____________________
(It's a Christmas song.)
_____________________
(Is that allowed?)
_____________________
I was just a child,
Seldom been defiled,
Laughing with the priests that came my way
Then one chap called Jack,
Called behind my back,
"Here's a song I think will make your day."...
Every day we sing,
Church bells they do ring
(Even hearts go "ping" when they're in love.)
Stars shine down and smile,
I've been with you a while.
So let's make this a Christmas "from above".
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
Neptune knows I'm sure
Venus, (though a bore),
Will lead us to the floor
And get us rockin'
Uranus sparkles nicely,
Jupiter is feisty,
(Which all its satellites consider shockin'!)
So, do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
<Guitar Solo>
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Here's another entry:
_____________________
(It's a Christmas song.)
_____________________
(Is that allowed?)
_____________________
I was just a child,
Seldom been defiled,
Laughing with the priests that came my way
Then one chap called Jack,
Called behind my back,
"Here's a song I think will make your day."...
Every day we sing,
Church bells they do ring
(Even hearts go "ping" when they're in love.)
Stars shine down and smile,
I've been with you a while.
So let's make this a Christmas "from above".
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
Neptune knows I'm sure
Venus, (though a bore),
Will lead us to the floor
And get us rockin'
Uranus sparkles nicely,
Jupiter is feisty,
(Which all its satellites consider shockin'!)
So, do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
<Guitar Solo>
This is why we shouldn't post when we've been drinking.
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There's also no mention of Dennis or Bicycles, let alone Brussels Sprouts.
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There's also no mention of Dennis or Bicycles, let alone Brussels Sprouts.
Forgot that bit! Okay - I've revised the anthem thus...
_______________________
I was just a child,
Meek, and oh so mild,
Loving life, (apart from Brussels sprouts).
Then one chap called Dennis,
Cycling past while I played tennis,
Shouted, "Here's a song I think will give you doubts."...
Every day we sing,
Church bells they do ring
(Even hearts go "ping" when they're in love.)
Stars shine down and smile,
I've been with you a while.
So let's make this a Christmas "from above".
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
Neptune knows I'm sure
Venus, (though a bore),
Will lead us to the floor
And get us rockin'
Uranus sparkles nicely,
Jupiter is feisty,
(Which all its satellites consider shockin'!)
So, do they know it's Christmas on the Moon, babe?
Do they know it's Christmas on the Moon?
<Guitar Solo>
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Forgot that bit! Okay - I've revised the anthem thus...
*cough* entered after the closing date
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And get us rockin'
(Which all its satellites consider shockin'!)
You had "rockin" and you didn't consider rhyming it with "Christmas stocking"?
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And get us rockin'
(Which all its satellites consider shockin'!)
You had "rockin" and you didn't consider rhyming it with "Christmas stocking"?
Yes I did, but then I thought it wouldn't pan properly, and would likely be the kind of rhyme only an amoeba would use, so avoided it.
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My brain went into self preservation mode. I just couldn't read the lyrics to Nige's updated ditty.
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My brain went into self preservation mode. I just couldn't read the lyrics to Nige's updated ditty.
You missed a treat then. Dennis, bike, and sprouts, all neatly incorporated. What have I won?
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Nothing, I'm afraid, Peeps, other than my admiration. Also, extremely close was Tom with his magnificent opus. Mince was disqualified because he's Mince but he did give me a good laugh on the way.
Jack---you win with your splendid Beau Cassidy and the Sundennis Kid entry. Excellent stuff!
Okay, Jack, PM me with your postal address and I'll get your prize off as soon as possible.
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But... but.... but... Oh, bugger - is it December already? :(
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But... but.... but... Oh, bugger - is it December already? :(
What a shame, you didn't win the November Quiz either.
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Mince was disqualified because he's Mince but he did give me a good laugh on the way.
How is that a valid reason? Do you know how long and hard I worked on those competition entries, only to have some annoying upstart chuck in some seriously badly photoshopped rubbish near the end and steal my prize. The sheer days of meticulous attention to detail I put into each and every entry, only to have it all dismissed as little more than "a good laugh".
Bloody competitions! I never win. Even my dad has won one and that's saying something. Bloody brussel sprouts!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Uuuuuuuuuuuurrghhhhhh! Fashing shablewadivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!
Why couldn't I have the prize? Why? Would it hurt you that much just to let me win this year? Look, just take another look at my entries and see the sheer genius and talent involved in each one.
Okay, fine! Let Jack win. See if I care!
It's just not fair! Robbed! I think I know what Dennis feels like every Christmas now without his bike.
And if this is some low joke about never letting me win then ...
It is, isn't it? So that's it. I see how it is.
Just don't talk to me.
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Mince was disqualified because he's Mince but he did give me a good laugh on the way.
How is that a valid reason? Do you know how long and hard I worked on those competition entries, only to have some annoying upstart chuck in some seriously badly photoshopped rubbish near the end and steal my prize. The sheer days of meticulous attention to detail I put into each and every entry, only to have it all dismissed as little more than "a good laugh".
Bloody competitions! I never win. Even my dad has won one and that's saying something. Bloody brussel sprouts!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Uuuuuuuuuuuurrghhhhhh! Fashing shablewadivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!
Why couldn't I have the prize? Why? Would it hurt you that much just to let me win this year? Look, just take another look at my entries and see the sheer genius and talent involved in each one.
Okay, fine! Let Jack win. See if I care!
It's just not fair! Robbed! I think I know what Dennis feels like every Christmas now without his bike.
And if this is some low joke about never letting me win then ...
It is, isn't it? So that's it. I see how it is.
Just don't talk to me.
How about I knit you a scarf?
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:)
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Wow, thanks a lot Roger. I feel bad that I haven't been able to contribute to the forum as much as I'd have liked to this year, mostly due to being busy with lots of tedious work-type things. But what a fantastic way to end the year, thank you very much.
I don't normally do New Year's resolutions, but this year mine is going to be to find more time to annoy you lot post on here.
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:)
Tell me your team colours - or maybe you too would like a Harry Potter scarf? PM me your proper name and mailing address (do not post it here as there are people here who would like to kill you) and I will get a scarf to you in about 5 months.
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Wow, thanks a lot Roger. I feel bad that I haven't been able to contribute to the forum as much as I'd have liked to this year, mostly due to being busy with lots of tedious work-type things. But what a fantastic way to end the year, thank you very much.
I don't normally do New Year's resolutions, but this year mine is going to be to find more time to annoy you lot post on here.
As I remember you didn't annoy me at all. Which is a bit odd - there must be something the matter with you.
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Oh dear. Well, there's still time.
Tell me your team colours - or maybe you too would like a Harry Potter scarf? PM me your proper name and mailing address (do not post it here as there are people here who would like to kill you) and I will get a scarf to you in about 5 months.
I'm going hazard a guess and say something more like this:
(http://www.doctorwhoscarf.com/photos/photo1b.jpg)
and here's a handy link to instructions. (http://www.doctorwhoscarf.com/season12.php)
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I'm glad Mince took his narrow defeat so well. But what a consolation---an exclusive scarf from Haskell's Haberdashery!
Well done again, Jack. As I said in my PM to you, I'll get your prize off on Monday.
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I'm glad Mince took his narrow defeat so well.
Don't try to make me feel better. Scarred for life!
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I'm glad Mince took his narrow defeat so well.
Don't try to make me feel better. Scarred for life!
If Diane gets her knitting together, you will be scarfed for life.
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:)
Tell me your team colours - or maybe you too would like a Harry Potter scarf? PM me your proper name and mailing address (do not post it here as there are people here who would like to kill you) and I will get a scarf to you in about 5 months.
I want a Harry Potter scarf.
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I noticed that, Malky, but was too much of a gentleman to point it out. Tell you what, since you took losing so well, email me with your postal address and I'll send you a consolation prize.
Roger, I want a consolation prize as well! £200 should do it.
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Oh, for heaven's sake, man, just email me your address.!
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Nah! Gone off the idea now. :)
And well done, Jack, for a deserved winning entry.
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;D
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Congratulations, Jack! Well deserved! :-)
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Has your prize arrived, Jack? It was posted last Monday.
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Has your prize arrived, Jack? It was posted last Monday.
Maybe Customs has seized it...
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Has your prize arrived, Jack? It was posted last Monday.
Nothing yet. Perhaps the weather has had an effect on the delivery. I'll let you know when it arrives.
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Hmm. That's not good---it was posted first class. Hopefully, it will turn up this week.
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It turned up today Roger, in pristine condition. Many thanks once again, I'm absolutely delighted with it. 8)
Although, to avoid any future nervousness when sending prizes to future competition winners, might I suggest adopting a pseudonym for the return-to-sender address. If any dishonest posties notice the package is coming from a celebrity such as yourself, they may be tempted to nick it. (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-scared-smileys-706.gif)
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Really glad it arrived safely, Jack.
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Although, to avoid any future nervousness when sending prizes to future competition winners, might I suggest adopting a pseudonym for the return-to-sender address. If any dishonest posties notice the package is coming from a celebrity such as yourself, they may be tempted to nick it. (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-scared-smileys-706.gif)
Put it down as coming from Steve Bright.
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Damn, am I too late again? I could have done with a scarf. :-\
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Damn, am I too late again? I could have done with a scarf. :-\
If you want one, all you have to do is lose and moan.
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I'm Scottish, I imbibed losing and moaning with my mother's milk.
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I'm Scottish, I imbibed losing and moaning with my mother's milk.
;D