Beau Peep Notice Board
Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Diane CBPFC on December 05, 2016, 10:47:53 PM
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Somebody could start a service with a spinner where it lands on one of 8 options of what to cook with your mince meat for supper - it could be called "Ask Egon".
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Oh don't anybody worry about me - I made chilli and then I made hamburger patties.
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You should try out the great butternut squash vegan curry I made yesterday.
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Is there any left?
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Is there any left?
Only on all the plates.
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;D
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Only on all the plates.
You know, you wouldn't suffer from decompression sickness so often if you made your diving suit out of something other than girls' blouses.
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You know, you wouldn't suffer from decompression sickness so often if you made your diving suit out of something other than girls' blouses.
That's it, I hereby invoke the oft unremembered Beau Peep Notice Board Memorandum and Articles, specifically 3.1 and I quote:
"Wherein [and whereout] there is no BPNB Christmas Competition due to unforeseen circumstances [Roger not bothering to get out of bed etc], then any member of BPNB may, without prior or any consultation with any other member of the BPNB, arbitrarily declare both a BPNB Christmas competition and BPNB Christmas competition winner, and may thus bestow on said bed-ridden Roger the solemn and hopefully expensive responsibility of providing the BPNB Christmas competition winner with an appropriate [and tasteful] BPNB Christmas competition prize."
I therefore, both arbitrarily and without prior consultation, declare Mince the winner of the 2016 BPNB Christmas competition for what is, without the shadow of a doubt, the best one liner in the 2016 BPNB posting history. I am in awe.
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I am in awesane.
There you go, Red - just topped it. ;D
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I am in awesane.
Whilst I concede there are those in the medical profession, my family & friend [sadly not a typo], total strangers and a goat-herder in Tibet who may agree with you on the less than optimum state of my sanity, my central premise still applies, in that your somewhat astute observation fails completely to overshadow the quality of the Mince one liner, nice try though, well done [patronising tone applied judiciously there I thought].
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Egad, sir! It was not intended to overshadow, but to grind into the dust said one liner, or at least the very premise upon which you base its eligibility for to invoke Beau Peep Notice Board Memorandum and Articles, specifically 3.1.
Rasp! :P
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Egad, sir! It was not intended to overshadow, but to grind into the dust said one liner, or at least the very premise upon which you base its eligibility for to invoke Beau Peep Notice Board Memorandum and Articles, specifically 3.1.
Rasp! :P
Dear oh dear. Clearly there is some confusion amongst “other” members of the BPNB, perhaps lacking the ability to see true genius [unless slapped in the face by said genius whilst a voice yells “Hello, I’m genius”]. Therefore I have prepared a suitable deconstruction of the brilliant one liner into its major components, thus enlightenment awaits.
Let’s look at it first in its entirety:
“You know, you wouldn't suffer from decompression sickness so often if you made your diving suit out of something other than girls' blouses.”
Firstly it’s informative, especially to divers. For those not familiar with the diver species, these are generally poor swimmers who like to pretend that sinking to the bottom of a swimming pool, ocean or sea is their own idea, rather than accepting it is actually natural selection trying to correct a mistake. “Ah! But what of the paraphernalia divers don before sinking?” I hear you cry...
Let me digress to respond to this question. Firstly the air tank or tanks [depending on how delusional the individual diver is], are clearly a physical manifestation of “the weight of the world” the diver mistakenly believes “is resting on his or her shoulders”.
The “wet” suit is simply an indication of the desperately perceived need of the diver to return to the womb.
The flippers provide a convenient explanation for “walking a bit funny” although most divers fail to realise this “funny walk” does not appear to change on removal of said flippers. The few divers fortunate enough to figure this out [infinite monkeys etc] can frequently be found wearing flippers in none diving situations, around the house for example, which is justified as “practice” and fools no-one.
Finally the mask, which is indicative of someone who clearly read too many Dick Turpin novels as a child.
Returning to the prize winning one liner. Its clever inclusion of "girls blouses" is inspired, clearly these are unsuitable as diving wear, and yet the line provides [to those of a sufficient intellect] sufficient information to allow the reader to imagine a wet suit which was made of girls blouses. Simply brilliant.
I trust this deconstruction will put to an end postings which clearly reek of competitive jealousy, only some are called, live with it and comfort yourself in an appropriate manner [legal, moral and none sexual]. You’re welcome. Do I have too much time on my hands? Probably.
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Yes.
How can there be competitive jealousy where there is no competition?
The Defence rests.
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Yes.
How can there be competitive jealousy where there is no competition?
The Defence rests.
Ah, desperation rears it ugly head. You are correct in that there is no competition [well done], however there was one, which Mince won and this is clearly demonstrated by my original post and the Memorandum and Articles. In addition I artfully misquoted said M&A by specifying Article 3.1, anyone who had actually read the M&A would have quite correctly pointed out to me that in fact it is Article 3.1a which provides the conditions under which I declared both the Christmas competition and the Christmas competition winner. Article 3.1 is in fact a list of subjects which members of the BPNB may not post or comment upon, an in-exhaustive list which includes Politics, Donald Trump, Vegans, Vegetarians, Education, Comic Strips, Music, Rogers eclectic collection of nose hair etc etc.
Hoisted by your own petard it would seem...
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Egad, sir! It was not intended to overshadow, but to grind into the dust said one liner, or at least the very premise upon which you base its eligibility for to invoke Beau Peep Notice Board Memorandum and Articles, specifically 3.1.
Rasp! :P
Returning to the prize winning one liner. Its clever inclusion of "girls blouses" is inspired, clearly these are unsuitable as diving wear, and yet the line provides [to those of a sufficient intellect] sufficient information to allow the reader to imagine a wet suit which was made of girls blouses. Simply brilliant.
I question the brilliance - is no one else dismayed that "diving" in the context of "a girl's blouse" is not, at the very least, a euphemism.......?
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I question the brilliance - is no one else dismayed that "diving" in the context of "a girl's blouse" is not, at the very least, a euphemism.......?
Yet more competitive jealousy which, given the competition has already ended and a winner acclaimed, seems a tad superfluous. Your contextual contention is tenuous, the possibility of it being a euphemism is almost as likely as it being a euphonium. Once again it seems the Christmas competition has sparked controversy, as did my own modest win of the previous Christmas competition...it seems we continue to fail to take on board the lessons history teaches us. [God, somebody find me a job...]
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the possibility of it being a euphemism is almost as likely as it being a euphonium
;D
Mind you, I have been called a wind instrument on occasion.
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God, I REALLY wish I'd organised a Christmas competition.
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God, I REALLY wish I'd organised a Christmas competition.
Then my work here is [almost] done. ;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D
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Seriously, as I mentioned to Mince, I really did intend to do something this year but recent events rather distracted me. I feel it's a bit late now to come up with a competition, allow a week or so for answers and then try to get the prizes off to the winners before Christmas. I'm happy to try again in the New Year with the usual rewards on offer. (And maybe a year's supply of pork sausages.....) :)
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(And maybe a year's supply of pork sausages.....) :)
My dad will have them! :)
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Sounds a good idea Roger and that saves me from evoking clause 4.4a of the Beau Peep Notice Board Articles and Memorandum, which would have been quite painful for all those concerned, but mainly you. ;D
Sadly we'll now have to disqualify Mince because he just won a competition, I was going to disqualify myself originally having [handsomely] won the last competition, but that clearly no longer applies...Sorry Mince. :(
[Evil laugh echoes around the board]. I really need to work on my special effects.
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So when do I get the prezzie?
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So when do I get the prezzie?
Either:
- Whenever Roger Van Winkle gets out of bed, or
- We'll mail it to you in the desert, or
- Your prize is a free entry to the next competition [to be honest this is the most likely], or
- Something else, or
- Nothing, or
- Under article blah blah blah, your prize is forfeit due to...a distinct lack of prizes
I'll also disqualify myself, the fame garnered from my previous [handsome] win was a little too much, at one point I swear I was ankle deep in apathy.
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I'll also disqualify myself, the fame garnered from my previous [handsome] win was a little too much, at one point I swear I was ankle deep in apathy.
Well, there was no apathy from me, I assure you. If anything, it was vast and unending jealousy and resentment.
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...vast and unending jealousy and resentment.
I get that a lot...
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Red, I've just noticed the quote running along the bottom of your posts. It's just won next year's competition!
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Thanks for that Roger, much appreciated! I will however have to decline the honour, I am fairly certain I just paraphrased an existing quotation. [Besides, I haven't framed my prizes from last year yet]. :-[
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Red, I've just noticed the quote running along the bottom of your posts. It's just won next year's competition!
And exactly which clause of the Beau Peep Notice Board Articles and Memorandum let's you do that? Moreover, if I can quote rule 5.4 of Section 4, which clearly says 'No one called Mince can win the Christmas compet . . .' Okay, who changed 'except' to 'called'?
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And exactly which clause of the Beau Peep Notice Board Articles and Memorandum let's you do that? Moreover, if I can quote rule 5.4 of Section 4, which clearly says 'No one called Mince can win the Christmas compet . . .' Okay, who changed 'except' to 'called'?
Ha! Caught another one. On page one of this topic I used the correct title "Beau Peep Notice Board Memorandum and Articles", on the second page I stupidly artfully changed this to "Beau Peep Notice Board Articles and Memorandum" in order to catch out those making fallacious references to said Memorandum & Articles. Shame on you, no wonder you never win any competitions.
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That's it - I'm calling in the union.
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That's it - I'm calling in the union.
Hmm...good luck with that, unless that's the worst spelling of onion, ever. Meanwhile:
- Take it for walks, but not on a lead, a small "snaplock" container would be more conducive
- Don't talk to it, at some point it may have moo'd or baa'd back at you, but by the mince stage there is very little chance of a reply
- Create your own version of Mount Rushmore using Beau Peep characters for inspiration [or perhaps Horace characters would be more appropriate], an added bonus would be to then send them to Roger as a Christmas present...[hehehe]
- Create a personal Backgammon set, you'll need thirty circular pieces and perhaps use Pizza slices for the board
- Score a minimum nine points in Scrabble
Things to do [or not - artistic license] with mince - remember?
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That's it - I'm calling in the psychiatrists.
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I question the brilliance - is no one else dismayed that "diving" in the context of "a girl's blouse" is not, at the very least, a euphemism.......?
Yet more competitive jealousy which, given the competition has already ended and a winner acclaimed, seems a tad superfluous. Your contextual contention is tenuous, the possibility of it being a euphemism is almost as likely as it being a euphonium. Once again it seems the Christmas competition has sparked controversy, as did my own modest win of the previous Christmas competition...it seems we continue to fail to take on board the lessons history teaches us. [God, somebody find me a job...]
dammit!! thwarted by a redundancy - again and once more.
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That's it - I'm calling in the psychiatrists.
That's a seriously good call!
dammit!! thwarted by a redundancy - again and once more.
Too be fair your post was rather good, I had to stop taking my medication just to do it justice in response, and I got to use big words including euphonium! The good news [depending on your point of view] is that I have a job interview next week, I just have to decide which one of my personalities I should send... Make the call Tarks.