Beau Peep Notice Board

Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Malc on January 03, 2009, 09:15:24 AM

Title: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 03, 2009, 09:15:24 AM: Here's another "Does This Work"? cartoon.

I think the punchline is ok, I just have two others that I think work better and I'd like the team's opinion.

My two alternatives are: "Henry Stanley -Intrepid But A Bit Dim" or "The Stanley Expedition Was Planned In Haste".

Verdicts please?
(http://malcmcgookin.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/pg-stanley.gif)
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 03, 2009, 09:18:11 AM: I just re-read my text and it sounds a bit presumptious. If you think it's crap, let me know that too.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Roger Kettle on January 03, 2009, 10:03:37 AM: Love it. It's a superb piece of artwork and the branch in the background is a great touch. I think your original punchline is the best, with the "intrepid but a bit dim" a close second. The only other immediate thought I can offer is...
" To be honest, the expedition had been a bit hit-and-miss".
Nah! Too wordy and your's is much better.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: The Peepmaster on January 03, 2009, 10:19:47 AM: How about: "Stanley would regret leaving his spectacles back in Blighty".
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Mince on January 03, 2009, 12:45:12 PM: Quote from: Roger Kettle on January 03, 2009, 10:03:37 AM
Nah! Too wordy and your's is much better.

I ought to set corrections.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: peter on January 03, 2009, 12:49:02 PM: Quote from: Mince on January 03, 2009, 12:45:12 PM
Quote from: Roger Kettle on January 03, 2009, 10:03:37 AM
Nah! Too wordy and your's is much better.

I ought to set corrections.

Is that your New Years resolution
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Roger Kettle on January 03, 2009, 01:06:38 PM: Quote from: Mince on January 03, 2009, 12:45:12 PM
Quote from: Roger Kettle on January 03, 2009, 10:03:37 AM
Nah! Too wordy and your's is much better.

I ought to set corrections.
Up your's.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on January 03, 2009, 01:27:25 PM: Back on track...

Stet, Malcolm. Original, and still the best (but don't tell Torquemada I said so).
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 03, 2009, 02:03:31 PM: Torquaywho? I don't want to sully this fine forum with the name.

This is a local shop for local people...
Although my mission is to localize as many travellers as possible.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Diane CBPFC on January 03, 2009, 02:33:56 PM: I liked the original best followed by Nige's specks.

Great drawring Malc.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 04, 2009, 07:52:24 AM: Diane, I'm asking your advice as a North American:

I have a cartoon which features neighbouring bitrds nests.

One nest has been "improved" by the addition of another storey and the occupants of the other birds nest are peed off about it.

The wife in the second nest is admonishing her husband: "right up themselves" or not, just let it go, Ralph".

Is the phrase "right up themselves" one which North America recognises as meaning people who are snobs or superior? I'd appreciate some help with that.

I'll post the cartoon later, I have to go out for a curry.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Diane CBPFC on January 04, 2009, 08:07:58 AM: I've never heard of "right up themselves".
It may get mistaken for the direction the nest is going.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 04, 2009, 12:02:07 PM: Thanks Diane, that's useful info.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Malc on January 12, 2009, 10:34:28 PM: I've decided finally on the punchlines for the two cartoons,

The birds one is below, and the Stanley explorer punchline is:

"Livingstone's journal revealed Stanley as intrepid but dim"

(http://malcmcgookin.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/pg-birds.gif)
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Roger Kettle on January 12, 2009, 10:51:26 PM: Your final Livingstone punchline works well, Malc. It's one of those rare and enviable situations (from a cartoonist's point of view) where you have created a wonderful set-up and then have to come up with the ideal punchline. Once again, can I just say how much I love the drawing of the branch in the background. It's a great touch.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on January 12, 2009, 11:54:07 PM: Well, they're your cartoons, I suppose, Malky, but I liked the original punchlines of both best.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: The Peepmaster on January 13, 2009, 12:29:39 AM: I agree regarding the branch. In fact, the twigs in the second cartoon aren't that bad. If we ever open a branch office in Australia, Roger, I think Malcolm should run it.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Mince on January 13, 2009, 01:41:16 AM: Quote from: Roger Kettle on January 12, 2009, 10:51:26 PM
Once again, can I just say how much I love the drawing of the branch in the background. It's a great touch.

It's a branch. What's so good about it?
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: The Peepmaster on January 13, 2009, 01:49:08 AM: You may be right, Mince. it does rather more resemble the Indonesian archipelago in a way.
Title: Re: Does this work?
Post by: Diane CBPFC on January 13, 2009, 05:31:02 AM: Everybody knows that the perfect branch is the hight of good comedy.

Classic example:

(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:VX3c4gEhhOMNXM:http://www.verumserum.com/data/carthrash.jpg)