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Beau Peep Notice Board => Outpourings => Topic started by: Colin on August 20, 2007, 02:32:10 PM

Title: Black Eye
Post by: Colin on August 20, 2007, 02:32:10 PM
Guy bumps into his mate in Hope street and he's sporting a keeker, his mate asks him if he was in a barney, "naw the mingin faced barmaid in that pub jist whacked me", his pal asked how come ? He said "ah came aff the train fae Euston an went in furra salvador, bit the bar wis choca an ma bag wis gettin in the road, so ah asked the barman if he cud purrit behind the bar ,nae borra wee man, soartet," - - - - "efter a couple a oors ahm pished an it wis time fur gontae meet the witch, bit theyd chinjed the bar staff so ah says tae the barmaid gonny gies ma holdall" ? .......
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 20, 2007, 03:01:45 PM
 ;D ;D ;D

This should be fun.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 20, 2007, 03:29:53 PM
I think I understood all that after the third read through. What happened next?
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 20, 2007, 03:46:06 PM
He didnae get it...
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Colin on August 20, 2007, 03:55:36 PM
What, the black eye or his holdall?  ;D
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 20, 2007, 05:19:32 PM
Exactly!
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Roger Kettle on August 20, 2007, 06:26:18 PM
"Only An Excuse", 1998 ?
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Diane CBPFC on August 20, 2007, 07:06:10 PM
I see you are preparing for your trip to the BPFC convention in Scotland Colin. I have decided not to go - I woudna ken a wod.

Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Colin on August 20, 2007, 07:37:41 PM
"Only An Excuse", 1998 ?

Don't know Roger, I borrowed it from somewhere else.


Sorry Diane, what did you say?
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Roger Kettle on August 20, 2007, 07:49:27 PM
Colin, it was used as a Frank McAvennie line, complete with lop-sided leer.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:14:09 AM
Okay, can someone translate the joke for me.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 21, 2007, 12:22:18 AM
Okay, can someone translate the joke for me.

...so I said to the barmaid, "would you like to indulge in sexual intercourse, my dear?"
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:23:50 AM
Why does "gonny gies ma holdall" mean that? I am asking on behalf of someone else.  ;D
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 21, 2007, 12:34:55 AM
Is anyone else laughing uncontrollably at this moment in time? 
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:39:03 AM
Out of the three of us, only one has any idea what is happening in this topic.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: The Peepmaster on August 21, 2007, 12:45:43 AM
I had a black eye once, except it was a bruised knee, and, er, it was blue.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:50:48 AM
She still doesn't understand.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 01:10:31 AM
But she has called me an idiot.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Roger Kettle on August 21, 2007, 09:45:03 AM
Mince, you REALLY don't want to know.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:40:49 PM
Two men walk into a bar (both miraculously avoiding the quick and easy punchline). One of them orders a pint of bitter and the other orders just a slice of lemon. The one with the bitter gulps it down while the one with the lemon has a suck on it and gives up. On the next round, each orders the same - a bitter and a lemon. Before the third round, the one with the lemon says to the other: "Do you fancy a wager?" and the other replies: "Yes, but is it about the lemon?"
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 21, 2007, 12:42:23 PM
Now you're just being childish.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 12:49:08 PM
It's a work in progress.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Mince on August 21, 2007, 03:51:28 PM
I can imagine telling this joke to a group of friends and them all laughing uproariously - with me still none the wiser.
Title: Re: Black Eye
Post by: Tarquin Thunderthighs lll on August 21, 2007, 05:37:04 PM
I take it you mean Colin's joke and not your own? I'd be laughing uproariously before the end of your attempt at the first line.