Who wants to help me with my “Breaking News!” daily status update joke project for Facebook? So far I have 9 – I need 35 in total. Perfectly acceptable to recycle old jokes.
Breaking News!
Breaking News! Santa died of a heart attack. The poor elves are feeling guilty because it was during a game of charades. “We thought he was just really, really good.”
Breaking News! Sarah Palin accidentally shot Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. “I was aiming at that fat socialist in the red coat.”
Breaking News! North Pole elves formed a union and are on strike. Toy making has been outsourced to the South Pole elves. Expect 6-hour delays for Christmas delivery.
Breaking News! David Suzuki slipped into the North Pole stables and replaced the light bulb in Rudolph’s nose to a compact fluorescent one. Children are asked to sing: “Rudolph
with your nose, not quite so bright but environmentally friendly, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight.”
Breaking News! Scientific study suggests that Christmas cake is the most re-gifted item. The Department of Holiday Affairs has put out the following advisory: To avoid your fruit cakes coming back to you chisel “Xmas 2009” in them.
Breaking News! Members from PETA broke into the North Pole stables and made off with Comet and Blitzen. Santa taking applications for replacement magic reindeer.
Breaking News! The Canadian system of age verification of cattle has worked so well, they are considering working with the FDA and implementing a similar scheme for Christmas Fruit cakes next holiday season.
Breaking News! Due to the tragic situation on Parliament Hill; a weight limit has now been imposed on the angel tree topper.
Breaking News! A Valleyvew, Alberta grandmother was beaten up by her grandchildren after giving them gifts made from toilet rolls, pipe cleaners and old string. The shocked grandma reported from her hospital bed: “I thought they must love this type of gift as they give it to me each year.”
