For Roger: How to understand computer problems

[Feather]

Roger, I understand from Mince that you have difficulty with using the computer. Perhaps this will help you solve the problems.  I'm sorry I couldn't include the pictures for you to help illustrate the following points. These instructions are for the old and obsolete children out there. 


Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

[Mince]

Feather, that's far too complicated for Roger. You'll need to dumb it down a bit.

And Roger is not obsolete! He used to be, but now he's more ... erm ... searching for a euphemism ... erm ... done for ... no, erm ... how about chronologically lost and dusty?

[Roger Kettle]

"Chronologically lost and dusty"---that's a EUPHEMISM?

[The Peepmaster]

I've been trying to incorporate a couple of RSS feeds into some pages on a website today, and although I think I've put the correct code into the head section, and also added iframes into the body, my scripts aren't producing the desired result. I've given up now.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I haven't had a floppy in years!

[Diane CBPFC]

Pretty colours Feather

[Joan]

I haven't had a floppy in years!

  Oh, dear! Trust you, TT! LOL!

[Bilthehut]

I've got plenty of floppies, but they are coming unstuck due to old age.

[The Peepmaster]

If I still had a floppy, I wouldn't know where to stick it, Billy the Nut. Modern computers don't take them. My desk top can accommodate a zip drive, but I don't even use them any more. And who remembers scsi drives?

As Cyril Stapleton & his Orchestra might have put it...

[Bilthehut]

I've still got an external USB floppy disk drive, so could use the disks in any PC with a spare USB port.  I have shredded a large number of disks, rather than throw them whole in the bin, and had to  break them up to get at the disc.  I found that the magnetic media disc was coming away from its metal centre.  This does not bode well for any remaining old disks, as once they were inserted and spun up to speed, they disc might just separate from the metal centre.  I think I will just scrap all the remaining disks.

And what about the 100Mb Zip drives, let alone the 8mm backup tapes!

[The Peepmaster]

I've still got an external USB floppy disk drive, so could use the disks in any PC with a spare USB port.  I have shredded a large number of disks, rather than throw them whole in the bin, and had to  break them up to get at the disc.  I found that the magnetic media disc was coming away from its metal centre.  This does not bode well for any remaining old disks, as once they were inserted and spun up to speed, they disc might just separate from the metal centre.  I think I will just scrap all the remaining disks.

And what about the 100Mb Zip drives, let alone the 8mm backup tapes!

Whistling Jack Smith couldn't have put it better! Stick a twat who doesn't sing, on a bit of scaffolding, and watch him look stupid. According to Wikipedia, he didn't even do the whistling!