Diane, if you post it on this thread, surely you'd WANT us to laugh! Anyway, stick it up and we'll see if we can help. Hopefully, Malc will look in as he's the one with technical knowledge about comedy.
I am glad that the theme of tonight’s evening is toast- because frankly I’m not much of a cook. I came from a long line of women who were not much of cooks but they did pass on everything they know down to me despite the court injunctions. At least with toast there are only FOUR steps (1) cutting the bread (2) inserting the bread into a toaster (3) pressing the handle (4) and scraping off the black crispy protective layer. (wait for laughs)January is here and it is a good time for us to try and get our financial houses in order. Many of us overspend at xmas – it is hard not to what with being bombarded by commercials and pitches for our charity dollars, a feeling of generosity builds up in us in December – it was exactly the same for me around Christmastime I felt warm-hearted towards mankind and the critters we share the world with – I found myself putting an extra thick layer of peanut butter on the mousetraps. (wait for hysterical laughter to abate).January is an excellent time to get back on budget. Right now you can pick up xmas treats for a fraction of the price they were asking for them during the holidays. I recommend buying up lots of bags of “Christmas” red, green and white jelly beans while they are on sale. A little bit of sorting and separating and you can have red and white jelly beans for Valentines and of course save the green ones for St. Patties Day! (Should be some snickers I can talk over)January is also another classic time for us to make adjustments in our health and fitness regime. I have struggled with weight issues since I was a child – mostly because I don’t like moving. In high school some sadistic principal filled with misplaced “school spirit” thought it would be a good idea for school moral if the whole school went on a x-country run. There were 400 of us all starting out at the same time – down the long driveway, out through town and a couple of miles circuit in the open countryside of beautiful north Wales. I was so far behind and puffed out by the time I got to the entry gates of the school that I had to ask a passerby which direction the other 399 went. This put me off excising for about 30 years. (Could be LOLROFPP if I act out the parts well).But I am back on track this year. It’s confusing though. There are SO many keep fit programs out there it is hard to know which to chose – after much consideration I decided to start the year off on the potato sack fitness regime. One advantage to this is that it is no cost – you just need a boom handle. The week of January 1st I had two 5lb potato sacks tied to each end of a broom handle and I lifted these over my head. The secret to a good exercise plan, one that you will actually do, is I find, to incorporate exercise into unused moments of the day – such as waiting 4 minutes for the toast to pop. (the clever ones will snicker).By January 8th I was up to 7lb sacks, by January 15 up to 10 lbs. Today I thought I would work it to the extreme to impress you guys and go for 20lbs sacks on each end of my broom stick. I am looking forward to week four on this plan, next Tuesday when I start by putting one potato in each of those sacks. No doubt I will feel the burn then! (wait for the roaring with laughter to stop). I hope I have encouraged everyone here to stick to their budgets and get fit in 2013.
