I have an office/studio in my house and, this week, I had some guys in to give it a long overdue paint job. It now looks superb and spanking fresh. I had painstakingly removed the paintings that had adorned the walls and the hundreds of books that cluttered up almost every available space. Having cleaned and dusted all the aforementioned paintings and books, I then set about restoring them to their original positions. It was going well until I started hearing strange noises from my fireplace. (It has long been blocked off with cardboard). I came to the conclusion that something alive was lurking within. It sounded like a bird but what if it was a really annoyed rat? I did what any red-blooded male would do and called for my wife. "Leave it", was her first response but that wasn't an option. If it WAS a bird that had got stuck down the chimney, then I couldn't possibly leave it to a slow, horrible death. Her next suggestion was to open the window and take away the cardboard from the fireplace. I pointed out that, if it was indeed a bird, it would fly around my newly-painted office with soot-covered wings for a long time before it found the open window. It was then decided that we would cover the fireplace with a sheet before removing the cardboard. At this stage, my wife opted for leaving the room and awaiting the outcome. With sheet in place, I pulled the cardboard away and all hell broke loose. I'd trapped something huge and it was determined to get away. I bundled the sheet corners together and headed outside. I was about to release a badger, a fox or, although unlikely, a mountain lion.
It was a pigeon. And it took off happily and immediately as soon as I opened the sheet. My wife now thinks I'm a hero. I didn't tell her the bit about me fainting .
