So long and thanks for the fish...

[Redundant]

Laughed myself silly on this one!   First, I don't think I ever saw the words "leaving tea" used together like that before, and secondly it reminded me of that detective game, "...it was Mr Longgone, in the library with the poison [tea]..."

Have a great leaving do, I've had a few and at least one stands out in my memory as both fun and surprisingly thoughtful, may this one do the same for you :-)   

[Roger Kettle]

You see, that's the sad thing about being self-employed. There are no committees to organise a leaving do, no office gossip to snigger at and no whip-rounds on your birthday. (Well, that's not exactly true. I had a whip-round for my birthday last year and chucked in a Euro).
Have a superb day, Sandy!

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

Thank you. It wasn't the longest function ever, though that wasn't helped by my shortest speech ever. Sensed some grit heading towards my eyes, so I kept it real short. "30 yrs. it's been a pleasure. Thanks. Help yourself to the buffet". Strained minutes silence, as gathered bodies waited for an encore. It didn't come. Eventually, one of the cleverer techs said "Well, f@@k it then" , and the sausage roll stampede ensued.

On the bright side, I now have a beautiful gold Schaeffer pen, oodles of Glenmorangie, and enough Joop aftershave to become an Arnold Clark salesperson. I also now realise why there is always Lindt 90% cocoa bars on the supermarket shelves. Either it really is rotten, or mine was poisoned. Red....your Cluedo reference may have been spookily accurate. Goodbye, cruel world.