Complete the Joke

[Mince]

NUMBER ONE
A wife says to her husband, an absent-minded professor: "Do you know that twenty years ago today you proposed to me."


NUMBER TWO
A man went into a bar and ordered three shots of Scotch whiskey, which he quickly drank one after another. When he had finished the last one, he ordered three more. The barman said, "You know, that stuff isn't good for you."
    "I know," the man replied, "particularly with what I've got."
    "What have you got?" asked the barman.


NUMBER THREE
Sign on a maternity ward door:

[Malc]

1) Really? What was your answer?

2) 25p

3) No Children Allowed

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

1) No, but if you hum it, I'll try to play along.


2) 30p.


3) Elected caesareans, please enter via the skylight.

[Mince]

Malc got Number 1. You both got 2.

NUMBER FOUR
Shortly after his arrival in prison, a young man had to have three teeth extracted. Then he lost a finger while working in the kitchen. But when his appendix was removed, the warden said to his colleague:


NUMBER FIVE
A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant: "Waiter, what's this chicken tarka?" The waiter replies:

[peter]

4 he is escaping bit by bit

[The Peepmaster]

Malc got Number 1. You both got 2.

NUMBER FOUR
Shortly after his arrival in prison, a young man had to have three teeth extracted. Then he lost a finger while working in the kitchen. But when his appendix was removed, the warden said to his colleague:

The young man phoned his wife to tell her he'd lost his finger. She said "What - your whole finger!", and he said, "No, the one next to it".

NUMBER FIVE
A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant: "Waiter, what's this chicken tarka?" The waiter replies:

"It's like chicken, but it's a little 'otter"

[The Peepmaster]

NUMBER THREE
Sign on a maternity ward door:

"Boy-Band Production Line"

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Oh, I didn't realise you wanted the original punchlines - I thought you wanted us to be creative.

Nige, I think it should actually read, "It's like tikka, only 'otter.", but I'm splitting hairs.

I collapsed the last time I went to a Balti restaurant, and fell into a deep korma.

[Mince]

Actually, I was hoping for both - the real answer and some better ones.

[peter]

3 no pregnant parents in this area

[Beau Peep]

NUMBER ONE
A wife says to her husband, an absent-minded professor: "Do you know that twenty years ago today you proposed to me."


NUMBER TWO
A man went into a bar and ordered three shots of Scotch whiskey, which he quickly drank one after another. When he had finished the last one, he ordered three more. The barman said, "You know, that stuff isn't good for you."
    "I know," the man replied, "particularly with what I've got."
    "What have you got?" asked the barman.


NUMBER THREE
Sign on a maternity ward door:

1/. he replied " and 15 years ago i told you to bugger off, yet still I'm the one branded with being absent minded"

2/ A burst liver

3/Deliveries only accepted on tuesdays and thursdays.

[Beau Peep]

Malc got Number 1. You both got 2.

NUMBER FOUR
Shortly after his arrival in prison, a young man had to have three teeth extracted. Then he lost a finger while working in the kitchen. But when his appendix was removed, the warden said to his colleague:


NUMBER FIVE
A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant: "Waiter, what's this chicken tarka?" The waiter replies:

4/ "I don't get paid enough, we haven't been on strike since last week, i think it is time for a walk out"

5/ "cat"