Lull.

[Roger Kettle]

Since it's been so quiet on here, I'd better tell you what I've been up to....
I turned down a multi-million pound offer to appear on "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here". Nothing to do with having to eat kangaroo testicles (I do that most weekends), I just felt it would be unfair on the other male contestants when I flashed my six-pack.
I fired one of my butlers last week. I had requested a Windsor knot for my tie and he made an absolute mess of it. He had to go.
Jennifer Anniston continues to bombard me with love-struck emails. I hope my latest reply will finally put an end to her pestering. "Jen, your chances of winning my heart are like those romcoms you churn out---terrible."
The city of Glasgow, my birthplace, has announced plans to erect a statue of me in George Square and I find the whole thing extremely embarrassing. It won't be floodlit!!!!
Well, that's about it for me. What have you guys been doing?

[Redundant]

Not so good, not so good.   I accidentally got my sister-in-law deported as an illegal alien, took three phone calls and an anonymous letter.

My best friend threw himself out of a chestnut tree, crisis of conkers apparently.

I lost my job as the worlds first cartoonist accountant, the man said "Okay, if you only do cartoons, how do you write 'Three?'"   I drew a tree and said "Tree", then he said "Ah, but what about 'Thirty-three'?"  I smudged the drawing and said "Dirty tree".  "Alright smart-ass" he snarled "How about thirty-three and a third?"  I drew a small dog wandering off after having done his business and said "Dirty tree and a turd".

I thought I had lost my best friend, but it was just very, very cold that day...

I made a shepherd pie, he didn't liked it.

I lost my job as a butler.

[Roger Kettle]

 

[Mince]

I blame the lack of a Christmas competition. 

[Roger Kettle]

Great idea! Let us know when you've organised it and the prize you're offering!