I have been trying to understand the Scottish from online tweets, and have found the following:
1. Britain is a gaslighting scheme by the English.
2. Crisps are a Scottish person's weakness. You go for one packet and end up leathering about twelve.
3. Scottish birds are always freezing inside their house, heating cranked up, wearing house coats, furry blankets, and socks made out of polar bears' foreheads, but as soon as they have a night out they're sliding about in the snow in just a short skirt and top and bare feet in heels.
4. The Scottish dinny care if the vaccine makes them grow a third leg: they'll just be able to walk to the pubs faster.
5. My wife is doing my head in. She has been looking through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse, I'll be forced to let her in.
6. Boris Johnson claimed the UK's response to the virus exemplified the "sheer might" of the union. It has been widely accepted in Scotland that this was a spoonerism.
7. The change from tier 3 to tier 4 means f*&k all to me. You can't go to the pub in either of them and pubs are the only thing I want open. May as well put us on tier f*&king 1,634 ya wee irritating killjoy bastard.
8. Boris Johnson will probably order £8 billion worth of Tizer, the stupid f*&k.
