Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 786 times)

Offline Mince

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  • Posts: 6884
  • Utter Waste of Time
« on: October 29, 2018, 04:01:35 PM »
1. Just found out my mate has been shot with a starting pistol. Police think it's race-related.

2. My flatmate worked on the roads for ten years but was fired today for stealing company property. I knew it as soon as I got home. All the signs were there.

3. What is E.T. short for? Because of his little bitty legs.

4. 19 and 20 had a fight. 21

5. What's the difference between a diameter and a radius? A radius.

Offline Diane CBPFC

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  • Posts: 4286
Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2018, 11:03:26 PM »
 ..0  ..0  ..0  ..0  ;D  (*coat*)
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad

Offline Bilthehut

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  • Posts: 1720
  • Really, real person (but not blue)
Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2018, 04:11:17 PM »
A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Flip!!! I walked here. How am I going to carry all this home?
The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Hey, thank you!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 22, Mocking Bird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alleyway. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "Blimey lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket .... and I'll hold the chickens."