Author Topic: I don't like Christmas already this year.  (Read 2713 times)

Vulture

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Re: I don't like Christmas already this year.
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2010, 04:24:09 AM »
I made an attempt at shopping today. Stood in the snow for twenty minutes, waiting for a bus that didn't turn up, before getting a lift to Dundee by a mate who'd spotted me shivering and swearing. There was a power cut in Debenham's which meant the tills weren't working. After fifteen minutes with nothing happening, I returned my wife's present to the shelves and walked out. I'll just have to get her ironing board cover at a later date. Decided to have a coffee, which you would think is a quite straightforward transaction. Well, it's not. The spotty youth behind the counter offered me all sorts of caffeine concoctions and insisted on listing every type of muffin known to man before I quietly intervened. "I JUST WANT A *&*&!&*&*!!!! COFFEE!!!" This was followed by an altercation with the store Santa Claus who was standing behind me in the queue. I pointed out that all I wanted was a REAL coffee, not that he'd understand, given that he was a fake Santa. I hadn't noticed the six year-old girl behind HIM in the queue, who promptly burst into tears. It's debatable who threw the first punch----me, Santa, the girl's mother or the spotty youth. Anyway, it all kicked off.
To cut a long story short, I still have all my Christmas shopping to do and I'm banned from Debenham's.

Come on! That is so far-fetched. You've got a mate?

Peeps, be a little more generous. It's nearly the season of goodwill to all men; let Roger have his delusions!  :D

Malc

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Re: I don't like Christmas already this year.
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2010, 06:44:49 AM »
I broke up a fight last night between a bunch of 15 - 16 year olds. I was coaching a 6 a side team when I heard the sound of bottles smashing in the distance.
I didn't think anything of it, (other than cursing stupid drunken louts, like you do).
Then reports came back that a kid was being set upon by a group of seven or eight. The reports were from excited, breathless teenagers, and received by other breathless teenagers with exclamations of "true?" and "oh, wow"..
The kid who was getting the beating was apparently Billy, who I used to coach five years previously.
I expected things to have blown over, the altercation being over a hundred metres away, outside the football club, and in the dark, but fresh reports came through of the lad receiving a hideous doing.

I got a bit fed up of all the questions flying back and forth, from adults and kids alike and said to one of the parents "look after things here" before running off in the direction of the fight.

The sight of a fifty five year old running at full pelt towards them seemed to scare the living daylights out of a mixed group of idiot teenagers, who seemed to be enjoying a carnival atmosphere. Three or four girls ran off immediately, accompanied by a couple of bystanders, but the core group stayed.
However the kicking had stopped as no-one wanted to be observed as the main perpetrator. I had shouted loudly as I waded in, and was able (just) to identify Billy in the gloom. I said for him to accompany me and he was reluctant as he would have been seen as someone who had been "rescued" and in his drunken state, that was unacceptable, of course, so there was a little argy bargy between me and Billy.

Then one idiot started making funny comments, and I saw red. I'm happy to say that the 50+ Malc is very different even than the 40+ Malc, and I didn't lash out, but I did grab him by his ear so tightly he dropped to the floor on one knee. "Sorry, mate I didn't hear that" I said.
At that moment I was joined by a mate, Nick, and a guy I didn't know who came as back-up. Nick is an ex Para and isn't as well adjusted as I am, and the group instinctivley realized this. Then they all faded away into the darkness. I said I wanted to keep the ear of the dickhead I was holding as a souvenir, but the chap I didn't know advised that it should revert to its original owner, so I let him go.
Billy did come back with us to the club, where he was attended to by a couple of off-duty nurses.
His dad Gary was called and thoroughly pissed us all off when he entered the room, saw the state of his son and said "you want to harden the f*ck up, mate".

Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: I don't like Christmas already this year.
« Reply #17 on: December 11, 2010, 09:55:32 AM »
Malc, it's almost nice to know that numbskulls aren't exclusive to Scotland. The father's reaction is also far too common.
Tidings of comfort and joy, indeed.

Offline Diane CBPFC

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Re: I don't like Christmas already this year.
« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2010, 04:26:43 PM »
Well Malc for sure is my hero of the week - well done! That was very brave of you - hope Billy is okay.
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad