I made an attempt at shopping today. Stood in the snow for twenty minutes, waiting for a bus that didn't turn up, before getting a lift to Dundee by a mate who'd spotted me shivering and swearing. There was a power cut in Debenham's which meant the tills weren't working. After fifteen minutes with nothing happening, I returned my wife's present to the shelves and walked out. I'll just have to get her ironing board cover at a later date. Decided to have a coffee, which you would think is a quite straightforward transaction. Well, it's not. The spotty youth behind the counter offered me all sorts of caffeine concoctions and insisted on listing every type of muffin known to man before I quietly intervened. "I JUST WANT A *&*&!&*&*!!!! COFFEE!!!" This was followed by an altercation with the store Santa Claus who was standing behind me in the queue. I pointed out that all I wanted was a REAL coffee, not that he'd understand, given that he was a fake Santa. I hadn't noticed the six year-old girl behind HIM in the queue, who promptly burst into tears. It's debatable who threw the first punch----me, Santa, the girl's mother or the spotty youth. Anyway, it all kicked off.
To cut a long story short, I still have all my Christmas shopping to do and I'm banned from Debenham's.
