Wildlife Programmes.

[Roger Kettle]

I like wildlife programmes. Having said that, I have tired of meerkats. The fact that they can stand on their back legs and look from side to side is really not enough for a six-part documentary. I'm also tired of watching elephant seals mate. An overweight male rolling on top of a female for 90 seconds is just SO ridiculous! Then we have the lions of the Serengeti. The males sleep for ten days and then send out the women to kill a zebra. Okay, in principle, this is admirable but after the 50th viewing, my sympathies are with the striped horsies. And don't get me started on shark documentaries. The misunderstood "eating machines" of the seventies are now portayed as fun-loving vegetarians.
Actually, now that I think about it, I hate wildlife programmes.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Whilst driving through our holiday countryside this afternoon, in search of red squirrels, dolphins and otters, the 11-year-old youth who sits in the back suddenly exclaimed, "Eeew - humping cows! Humping cows! Gross!". When I pointed out the futility of this action, i.e. they were indeed both cows, this seemed to gross him out even more. Mind you, he has a point. Maybe we need to get him to watch more wildlife programmes?   

[Roger Kettle]

Tarks, where the hell are you? You're in the countryside looking for dolphins?

[Mince]

I'm not sure about wildlife programmes. They give the damn animals names and weave a whole story around them, a story that for all we know is far from the truth.

"Toodles, the young male meerkat, is on his belly in front of Wimmy, the leader, clearly showing his submission."

The truth is he's probably wacked out from drinking, has a hangover and no choice in the matter.

It's a bit like Whose Line is it Anyway, where they supply the voices to the silent black-and-white clip.

It's just Animal Magic for grown ups, that's what I say.

[Malc]

The producer of Meerkat Manor is Caroline, who I went out with for a brief time at college. She was a lovely, modest and unassuming girl, and right from the word go, when she was at college, storing her aqualung and diving suit in her bath, she knew she wanted to work in wildlife docos.

It's great to see her achieving her ambition, when all her massively egotistical fellow film and TV students (virtually all men) have apparently gone on to do bugger all!

That doesn't mean you should like meerkat docos, though.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Tarks, where the hell are you? You're in the countryside looking for dolphins?

We were camped out at our usual spot just up the road from your childhood, Roger, in Aviemore. Sadly, the dolphins at Fort George on the Moray Firth didn't turn up this year, but a solitary otter did pop its head out of the water. Red squirrels proved to be elusive also, until we discovered the hide at Inshriach Nursery (the garden variety), where they were only too willing to perform within inches of the glass panel that separated them from our coffee and (the most fabulous) cakes. By no stretch of the imagination am I a bird-spotter, but I was also very taken by the greater-spotted woodpecker and the myriad of delightful tits that were on show.

The Highland Wildlife Park now has two magnificent tigers in its ranks, and is currently preparing for the arrival of a polar bear in the Autumn. Though sadly, the red grouse appears to have departed, much to my chagrin - easily the best comic value ever on Speyside (since you moved south of course, Roger).

And mince pies laced with Glenfiddich at the Walkers shortbread factory in Aberlour, six for 25p (no, I kid you not) - they've got to be eaten by the end of April, and we bought 600, but hey - there are worse chores...

The weather was superb, and we had a great week. We did consider detouring via Bute and Tayside on our travels, but alas, time didn't permit (and the friends we had with us decided to stick to us like glue throughout the whole week, unusually), so apologies for not dropping by this time around, chaps.

[The Peepmaster]

Sounds like you had a great time, Tarks.

[Roger Kettle]

Tarks,the only time I did the Moray Firth dolphin trip, we were very lucky and saw loads of them. They've had a bit of a bad press recently as they've taken to duffing up any porposes that enter their territory. Great that you saw an otter, though and I'm trying desperately not to make a Tarks/otter joke.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

So long as you resist the Ring Of Bright Water gags, Roger, I'm fine with that.

I only discovered Fort George four years ago, after making the annual pilgrimage to Aviemore for almost 20. It's a magnificent place to visit with a fascinating history, albeit never being needed for the purpose it was built. And of course it is still occupied by the army today. That first time, we were told that if we were exceptionally lucky that we might catch a glimpse of a dolphin or two from the pointy end of the fort, overlooking the Moray Firth. Like you, we saw dozens that day - it was a majestic sight.

As was the angel playing bagpipes in the fort's chapel...

[Roger Kettle]

What a great idea---McAngels!
I still have a huge, emotional attachment to the Highlands. I know I've waffled on about this before but it was a wonderful place to grow up. Despite my orignal tongue-in-cheek post on this thread, I was always obsessed with David Attenborough and the likes. As a kid, I roamed around the hills and lochs with my pals in what was a living wildlife documentary. Red deer, adders, golden eagles, buzzards, foxes, salmon, trout and, on one memorable occasion, a wildcat. There's also a purity in the air which I'm sure Diane in Alberta will understand. It's not as if I live in anything like an urban area now, but I still miss that part of the world.

[Malc]

Thanks to Roger, I miss it and I never lived there.

I could, though, quite happily. I think my work output would go through the roof if I was able to lock myself in a converted crofter's cottage, and write and draw for days, only stopping to cut a slice of porridge from the kitchen table's porridge drawer or pop down to the pub, swinging my cromach.

[Roger Kettle]

About 15 years ago, I seriously considered a move back to the Highlands--- I took the family up for a few days and we looked at some houses. In the end, I decided that my heart was ruling my head. Nostalgia can be a powerful thing and I realised that I would be returning North for all the wrong reasons. My kids had just started at a very good school and had already made friends. Also, what was a blissful childhood for me in the early sixties probably no longer existed. As we old fogies are fond of saying, life was simpler then----and it's very easy to forget about all the bad stuff.
I'm extremely happy where I am although, if that lottery DOES come up and there's a nice log cabin in Montana....

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

We saw wildcats too, Roger, although sadly, not roaming free (and they looked suspiciously like our own domesticated tabby - if anything, they were smaller).

I think you were wise not to go back. Your current location is rather nice, and the view doon the watter tae Perth is stunning. If you're happy enough with where you live, I think some places are made for visiting, and would only spoil if you lived there. I've looked forward to every trip I've ever made up that A9 towards Inverness, and although I was lucky enough to grow up in the beautiful city at the south end, I have always loved the way the scenery changes and unfolds the further north you travel. The greatest beauty lies even further north than Inverness of course, and it's only in recent years I have travelled beyond Lairg into the lochs and mountains of the far north.

Down where I live now, I have the choice of the Welsh hills to the west, and flat Shropshire to the east. Shropshire has its own beauty, but basically there are an awful lot of small villages and towns surrounding one small hill (The Wrekin). The far north of Scotland is the complete opposite - peaks too numerous to count, as far as the eye can see, and houses separated by tens of miles rather than hedges or fences. It's stunningly beautiful, and always strikes me as somewhere I'd love to live. But I know I'd soon yearn for the convenience of town/city shops, and fast roads to travel by, and where would I go for a change of scenery that could outclass where I live?

I've never made it as far as Montana, Roger, but I have been to Austria, and it took my breath away at every turn. It was like the best of the Highlands, manicured. Almost too perfect, like some Disney version of life. I couldn't help wondering where the Austrians went on holiday.

[Zesty White]

OK, so I'm a townie. Central belt born and bred. However, my parents used to take me and my sister into lovely Perthshire as often as possible. Since then, I have spent a lot of time in Aberdeenshire, because my fiancee was studying there, and since she too has a Highlands obsession, I've ventured a bit further up too. I dont know how anyone couldn't love the place with its diversity of landscape and that strange quality of being no less beautiful in hideous weather.
I always wanted to propose at Loch an Eilein on the Rothiemurchus Estate in Aviemore, but opted for the surf of Achmelvich bay instead. I was KB'd the first time, so the second time was in the Fort shopping centre car park. Very central belt 

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

We walked all the way around Loch an Eilein just last Thursday afternoon, Zesty, in beautiful sunshine and a very gentle breeze. There's no way you'd have been KB'd that first time if you'd stuck to your original game plan.