School Reports

[Mince]

Here are some excerpts from school reports of someone who will remain nameless (and is not me). I am sure the teachers who wrote these comments had great fun doing so.

• I feel there is an undercurrent of resentment on his part which is seriously undermining the school's effort to help him.
• Although he is rarely badly behaved, he is rarely fully cooperative.
• Unless directly supervised, he will produce NO work.
• Only when he is sitting on his own and watched over constantly does he produce work of an real merit.
• He enjoys idle chatter.
• He gives up far too readily.
• Taking things more seriously might also help his cause.
• He prides himself on being physically present in class, mistakenly believing that to be all that is required of him.
• His deliberate underachievement is a great shame.
• He has produced no work at all this year.
• His education is at the bottom of his priorities.
• He appears to direct most of his efforts and ability into avoiding doing any work.
• He is still more interested in things nothing to do with the lesson.
• He appears to be blissfully unaware that he is failing his potential.
• He spends his time in school happily but unproductively.

[The Peepmaster]

Are we supposed to try and guess who this is?

Is this an attempt to make some of us look stupid?

Hmm... OK. I'll guess Diane.

[Diane CBPFC]

It couldn't have been me as I hardly ever went to school.

[Vulture]

Are we supposed to try and guess who this is?

Is this an attempt to make some of us look stupid?

Hmm... OK. I'll guess Diane.

Peeps, I think the 'He' might have given the game away; whoever it is is NOT female!

[The Peepmaster]

I suspected that might have been a red-herring thrown in to confuse us.

[Vulture]

I suspected that might have been a red-herring thrown in to confuse us.

It's not! I mean, why would Mince do a thing like that?

[The Peepmaster]

The red herring might have been a personal friend of his.

[Mince]

This isn't a "guess who it is" topic.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I give up. Who is it?

[Vulture]

The red herring might have been a personal friend of his.

So, Mince knows a Russian fish, then?

[Vulture]

I give up. Who is it?

OK - it's my Number Two son, James. James is now thirty-eight and extremely hard-working; not at all like he was at school!

[The Peepmaster]

It's probably someone not on this site.

[Mince]

It's probably someone not on this site.

He has a mind like quicksilver.

[The Peepmaster]

Thanks, Mince for the further clue.


Hmm... "He has a mind like Quicksilver"...


The Lone Ranger?

[The Peepmaster]

Hmm - I suspect this is pilchardry at work...