Old, Grumpy and Proud.

[Roger Kettle]

As my 60th birthday rockets towards me, I have realised that my fear of growing old is completely unfounded.
I have been old for years.
I think my technological awareness peaked in 1977, when I mastered Space Invaders. To be fair to myself, I coped reasonably well with the age of video recorders but DVDs were a different ballgame altogether---all those "extras" and ridiculous bits and bobs. I believe the current trend is for a system called "Blue Ray". I have no idea what this is but it sounds like something a Martian would fire at you.
My interest in pop music died around the same time. Of course, I have been vaguely aware of some more recent musical combos like The Spice Women but, circa 1982, I switched off "Top of the Pops" and officially became my father.
I have sent one "text" in my life, watched and guided by an incredulous daughter.
I don't think I'll send another. It was far too stressful.

[Diane CBPFC]

Roger - you have sent one text more than me. 

[Mince]

I coped reasonably well with the age of video recorders but DVDs were a different ballgame altogether

Ah, so that's where you're going wrong. You didn't take them onto a football pitch, did you?

[Malc]

I am quite late to the world of technology, I have studiously avoided its gaze for some years because not all of it interests me, or can be classed as useful (in my eyes, that is).
I did not see the reason to own a mobile phone until about five years ago, and the fact that my wife seemed to be totally absorbed by it on long journeys taking our sons to football merely confirmed that it was a womans thing or (b) the work of the Devil.
I've never played X Box or Playstation games, and never played their predecessors even though I worked in the games development industry. It was geek stuff. Games players were uniformly malnourished, weedy, sick individuals with bad skin. I certainly didn't want to embrace anything to do with their lifestyle.

However, I am a recent convert to the Android phones and Skype in particular. Peeps had one on Bute which he demonstrated for me and I was intrigued. Now, some two years later I have got one and am Skyping fellow Skype members - old buddies in the UK-  for FREE!!

Maybe it's because I live in Oz, and I'm well aware of the vast improvements in communicating long distances even since 1995, when I first emigrated, but we do live in the age of miracles. Maybe people in the 15th century could have foreseen the horseless carriage, and perhaps flight, but no-one could have imagined in those times that a person could send photos and video as well as speak clearly to their loved ones over 10,000 miles away in an instant, at no cost.

[Bog]

I can see this is going to be a popular post. I am with Roger on this one, however, I did get my first android phone on Thursday,
the young spotty faced youth in the shop told me it was as easy as falling off a log. I phoned my good lady, Lady Bog, who was out.
I hung up, or thought I did, and filled up my home answerphone with footsteps, coughing and moaning to myself.
My son called me all sorts of names because I didn't buy an iphone, apparently I am so hopeless I amuse him!

I picked up my in-laws from Gatwick last night. they flew down from sunny Scotland. whilst in Gatwick a British Airways app appeared
on my phone. how scary is that? it took me hours to find out how to delete it.

oh and just to be even more grumpy. Someone stole the exhaust off my car, the middle section with the catalytic converter on it.
they left the front and back bits....clean cut through. traveller types according to the wonderful Met police!

£700 the poorer. I am sulking now.

[Vulture]

I can see this is going to be a popular post. I am with Roger on this one, however, I did get my first android phone on Thursday,
the young spotty faced youth in the shop told me it was as easy as falling off a log. I phoned my good lady, Lady Bog, who was out.
I hung up, or thought I did, and filled up my home answerphone with footsteps, coughing and moaning to myself.
My son called me all sorts of names because I didn't buy an iphone, apparently I am so hopeless I amuse him!

I picked up my in-laws from Gatwick last night. they flew down from sunny Scotland. whilst in Gatwick a British Airways app appeared
on my phone. how scary is that? it took me hours to find out how to delete it.

oh and just to be even more grumpy. Someone stole the exhaust off my car, the middle section with the catalytic converter on it.
they left the front and back bits....clean cut through. traveller types according to the wonderful Met police!

£700 the poorer. I am sulking now.

OK - what's an android phone?
I know what an ipod is (three grandchildren) but what's an iphone?
.... a British Airways app?
I DO know what a catalytic converter is (it makes your exhaust smell funny) but I don't know it's actual purpose.

[Bog]

Dear Vulture,

I can see you need some help, perhaps us techno blokes can help, an android phone, is a phone made by an android.
an iphone is like a phone but for your eyes,

a BA app is a an app from BA that looks like a wee thingybob on the screen. and a cat converter is very smelly but really expensive!

any other techno advice needed, please let me know.

techno bog.
adviser to the stars!

[Vulture]

Dear Vulture,

I can see you need some help, perhaps us techno blokes can help, an android phone, is a phone made by an android.
an iphone is like a phone but for your eyes,

a BA app is a an app from BA that looks like a wee thingybob on the screen. and a cat converter is very smelly but really expensive!

any other techno advice needed, please let me know.

techno bog.
adviser to the stars!

Thank you, Bog. There's a slight problem with your answer - I am not a 'star'; do you have any answers suitable for an ordinary, bog-standard person?

[Jerry Attrick]

Dear Vulture,

I can see you need some help, perhaps us techno blokes can help, an android phone, is a phone made by an android.
an iphone is like a phone but for your eyes,

a BA app is a an app from BA that looks like a wee thingybob on the screen. and a cat converter is very smelly but really expensive!

any other techno advice needed, please let me know.

techno bog.
adviser to the stars!

Thank you, Bog. There's a slight problem with your answer - I am not a 'star'; do you have any answers suitable for an ordinary, bog-standard person?

I thought that a 'cat converter' turned the aforementioned feline into a dog! But, as to the smell can it be any worse that when one of my 'darlings' has used the litter tray???!!!

Bring back the phones we used to make when I was a kid - very high tech, two tin cans (empty and preferably well washed out), a nail and a hammer to punch a hole in the bottom, we didn't do 'Elf and Safety in those days.  a length of that coarse string. Knot ends of string into each can, stretch as tight as poss and shout into to your can whilst your pal held his to his ear. Worked a treat!

[Diane CBPFC]

Too true about the "elf and safety" - I still have the scar on my knee from trying to make a rocket ship out of cardboard boxes in the garden. I could have been near Mars by now had I not needed a bandaid.

[Malc]

An android phone is basically a phone which is more like your computer - you can go on the internet, download superior games and play them, go on Facebook, etc, much more easily than on your old phone.
Yes I could access the web on my old mobile but it was such a faff with the tiny screen and typing on the cruddy little keyboard.

[Vulture]

An android phone is basically a phone which is more like your computer - you can go on the internet, download superior games and play them, go on Facebook, etc, much more easily than on your old phone.
Yes I could access the web on my old mobile but it was such a faff with the tiny screen and typing on the cruddy little keyboard.

Thanks for that, Malc. No, it's not something I can handle - I'm actually a touch typist so I find  the little keyboards on phones extremely difficult to use. The fact that some phones have a qwerty keyboard is no help whatsoever, I can't manage get a finger on each key!

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

So what does a non-touch typist use?

Actually (and I'm sure Roger will corroborate here), when I were nowt but a stripling lad, working in my first full time job as a sub-editor on The Beano, I used to have to run the gauntlet daily of the typing pool, splendid ladies all, but a few of whom would occasionally take their 'touch typists' job title to levels that, had the situation been reversed, would have justifiably led to all sorts of legal shenanigans. I almost complained... once.

[Vulture]

So what does a non-touch typist use?  For the tiny keys on a phone, an index finger, or a thumb! I thought the 'touch' typing referred to the fact that we don't look at the keys while typing.

Actually (and I'm sure Roger will corroborate here), when I were nowt but a stripling lad, working in my first full time job as a sub-editor on The Beano, I used to have to run the gauntlet daily of the typing pool, splendid ladies all, but a few of whom would occasionally take their 'touch typists' job title to levels that, had the situation been reversed, would have justifiably led to all sorts of legal shenanigans. I almost complained... once.

[Malc]

You poor thing, Tarks. Is it any wonder you've turned out like you have...?