As it's been quiet here...

[Roger Kettle]

....I will let you know what I've been up to recently. The sun has finally appeared here in Scotland so I've taken to strolling to the shops in my orange Speedo and Panama hat. I cut a rather dashing figure and have been attracting whistles from the ladies who man the church charity tables in the High Street. I must admit that some of the language fron these supposed Christian women has been a bit salty for my taste and I will certainly not be "shaking those peaches" as was requested this morning. While on my walks, I like to ponder some of life's mysteries. Why do people want to swim with dolphins? Wouldn't it be more impressive to get dolphins to walk with THEM?
I come up with loads of deep stuff like that.

[Diane CBPFC]

This sounds like the start of a bucket list thread.

I wouldn’t want to swim with dolphins either, but I would like a really nice bucket.

Diane's Bucket List
(1)  Get a really nice stainless steel bucket.
   

[Bilthehut]

This sounds like the start of a bucket list thread.

I wouldn’t want to swim with dolphins either, but I would like a really nice bucket.

Diane's Bucket List
(1)  Get a really nice stainless steel bucket.

-- preferably one without a hole in it.

[Bilthehut]

Health and Safety tip #1

When testing the theory of whether the light goes off when you close the fridge, make sure it is not one of those locking door fridges before entering.

[Joan]

Ah, your threads always entice me in, Roger, as I know I'll laugh, or at the very least smile! Ooo, I made a pun!!! Speaking of threads, I just saw a photo of TT in a kilt on Facebook.  Can't go past a man in a kilt!  Looking good, Tarqs!

[Malc]

Just for clarification: Normally it's "Speedos" (plural) and I was wondering whether you were admitting in a kind of coded way that your swimming trunks only had one leg.

As for the peaches, had you just been into the fruit shop? Or was this another coded reference to some part of the male anatomy, no doubt dangling uncharacteristically, only partly restrained due to your attire being 50% deficient?

Or does the phrase "Speedo and Panama hat" refer to headgear constructed of both swimming trunks and Panama? That one was a long shot I'll admit.

[Mince]

Maybe he's just wearing a hat with a speedometer on it.

[Roger Kettle]

Us cool guys say "Speedo" for short.

[Diane CBPFC]

Us cool guys say "Speedo" for short.

Lots of blokes only have one testicle, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

[Roger Kettle]

I've got eleven but that's not the point.
Mince, I backed a horse called...er... Mince today and it romped home at 6-1. Thank you.

[Mince]

Is this where I make a joke about not finding a horse named after "Roger"?

[Diane CBPFC]

I've got eleven but that's not the point.

It would be very hard to count boiled eggs in your underpants then.

[Roger Kettle]

 

[Malc]

I'm forever touched at women's kindly assessment of the size of men's tackle. Boiled eggs? Have you seen the mens athletics recently? I think if there were boiled egg-sized knackers scrunched into those lycra outfits, there would be a lot more runners veering out of their lanes and hurdles getting knocked over.